Chasing the Walrus

No, I haven’t abandoned posting again or slipped even further into being depressed. As far as that goes, I’m probably as good as I have been for a little while. But what has happened between Tuesdays disaster and my posting now would probably push a mere mortal man in that direction.

Thursday I was planning to be a good boy. Got to the train station in time to catch the train and the plan was to come hope and post here and work on a couple of my sites. I can’t remember what it was I had to post about but it seems it was somewhere along the lines of a good old fashioned Walrus rant.

But fucking fate had other plans for me. Seems the metrolink trains were all having problems and all the trains were delayed. My commute schedule really doesn’t handle delays well and not needing much of an excuse to go to the bar anyway the fact that the commute wasn’t going to go as planned was excuse enough.

My bartender buddy, from now on known as the bartender, called in sick so his replacement was the Jack Daniels dude. Now the JD dude likes to do shots of Jack and since he’s buying, how can I say no? Also the bartenders girlfriend, not knowing the bartender had called in sick, stopped by. She’s good people and always a hoot to talk to so I sat drinking Stella’s, Jack on the rocks and a free shot every ten minutes with JD dude. Needless to say, I got fucking plastered.

At some point in the night, the bartenders girlfriend went home and I found myself trying to chat up a fat ugly Indian chick. When I say Indian chick, I mean from India not native american. This chick was coyote ugly. Luckily, whether it was cause I was white, fat, drunk or a combination of all fucking three she had no interest in fucking me. It’s kind of a sad statement, she’d rather sit around the train station all night than let me get my rocks off on her. Worked to my favor, I didn’t have to sit there in the morning, shame all over my face and wonder what the fuck I had done.

The bad news was that instead of going home, I went over to someone who lives close to the train station to spend the night. Sucks having to wear the same cloths two days in a row. Especially without a shower but who the fuck would shower and then put on two day old cloths.

So I went through Friday, hungover, smelly, sweaty, sticky and did I mention hungover. When work was fucking finally over I had no problem coming straight home.

The crazy chick, who I really can’t explain what kind of relationship we have is, was at my place and had been there since Thursday. She knew about my drunken exploits, well sort of, I don’t think I told her about the ugly indian chick. Like I said, can’t really explain our relationship. But she was planning on escaping Friday evening anyway. When I got here, her ride was here and they were fucking around on my laptop.

Unfortunately, the crazy chick has a thing about downloading music from P2P sites which means it’s usually infected with all sorts of nasty spyware shit. Having the computer for 36 hours gave her hope that I wouldn’t notice all the fucking trojans and put 2+2 together. So, the remainder of Friday night was spent trying to clean off all of the fucking crap. Oh, and my service provide, they get upset about this kind of shit so they disabled my service as some point in time.

So, that’s been my life for the last couple days, too much JD, an ugly indian chick and the crazy chick. I’m fucking sure I left something out but it’s too late at night for me to really wonder if this is even fucking worth reading. Time to move to the Babe of the Post!

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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Ok, last night turned into a total fucking disaster. I got to the bar / restaurant we were supposed to meet at just a little early. Not bad actually about 5 minutes but when I walked in and she wasn’t there, I had a sinking suspision that this wasn’t going to happen. I ordered a Jack / Rocks and a water back, checked out the appetizer menu, sipped my drink…. and waited. After finishing my drink, I figured I was on my own tonight.

Not a problem, I had made a contingency plan. A friend of mine had said he met a chick who wanted to get into doing some porn shit and wanted to meet me. I used to run a solo girl personality website which was making bank until the personality of the site found out I was fucking one of the chicks at the club she worked at. But ever since I’ve been looking for that one girl I could do that with again and fuck, if she wasn’t the type I could do that with I could always take some pictures and sell them.

So, back to the bar / restaurant, where I figured I was stood up by the MILF and decided to have another drink and a little something. I was proud of myself, I ordered grilled asparagrass, something healthy. Finished that up and had a couple hours to kill before I met girl 2, the porn star.

I went to meet a really good buddy who happens to bartend at my transfer point. Oh, I didn’t mention I am one of the only lucky souls in LA who can commute to work without it being cumbersome. So I went, shot the shit and had a couple more Jack / Rocks and waited for my train ride home. I was supposed to meet the porn star at a little restaurant close to my house so the fact that I was going to be 10 - 15 minutes late didn’t bother me.

Now, I know your thinking what was I going to do if MILF has showed up? Well, I wouldn’t have passed up the chance to cover her rings with my man milk and I would have been more than happy to let her milk my man utter completely dry. Which means I would have stood up the porn star.

One thing you’ve got to understand is these porn chicks are flakes and they get away with it because most men think they are cute and shit. Amazing what a guy will put up with for the opportunity to bang one of these bitchs. What most guys don’t realize is that you are doing the worst thing in the world, unless you want to have your wallet drained for the vague opportunity to get laid. Hence, me having stood her up would have been a good thing, not bad.

But, porn star, being the flake that she is stood my buddy up, which in turn means she stood me up. I got a call about 5 minutes before the meet was supposed to happen from my buddy saying the porn star flake could not be reached for comment. He was all fucking upset about but I personally didn’t give a rats ass, like I said all these kind of chicks are flakes.

Then I did a really stupid thing, I stopped at the Great Steak and got me a pastrami hogie and some french fries. I said I needed to stop doing that and I had been being really good about it lately but I fell of the wagon. I need to look up and find out if there is an over-eaters anonymous. Not a fucking diet plan but a support group for those of us who are binge eaters. Cause if it wasn’t for the binges, my weight would be fine. I could have used a sponsor to call and save me from myself.

I take my food home and devour it, play on the computer about 10 seconds and decide I should just pass out. Big fucking mistake because around 3 am my midnight snack came back to haunt me. I forget what the fuck it’s called but I’ve got this minor problem where acid from my stomach can actually run back up my throat, burning like shit by the way. Same shit Ashley Simpson was supposed to have that caused her to lip sync on Saturday Night Live.

This shit is nasty, it burns your throat making you cough, a lot, which in turns makes it very difficult to breath. I spent about the next 15 minutes trying to simply breathe. Got that under control and noticed that I was having a massive gas attack. I was bloated and ready to explode. I also recognized that it was time to hit the head. So I sat down and literally the shit came squirting out, over and over, and over. I was up the rest of the night burping, farting and turning my asshole into a super squirter.

I felt like shit and I still do. I made it to the day job about an hour late and now I’m sitting here writing this post and waiting for the call of the toilet. I did try a little lunch, an egg salad sandwhich. I think I might regret it but the juries still out.

But fuck this, you all want the babe of the post don’t you and I have just that. How about a babe from Playboy’s All Naturals collection…like you have a choice!

Tags: Porn Shit by Walrus
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This fucking bitch is Cytnthia Good, a fucking feminist and founding editor of Pink Magazine in Atlanta. Seems she got her fucking panties all in a wad over the fact that the "Men at Work" signs were present even when women were actually there working with their fucking male counterparts. She fucking wants "gender neutral" signs.

Seriously, with all the fucking other problems in the country, not to mention the fucking world, couldn’t she find something, anything more pressing than fucking "gender neutral" signs for street workers in the Atlanta area to get her precious tight panties all fucked up over. You know something like the homeless child in Atlanta who goes to sleep in the fucking back seat of a car with nothing to eat.

Atlanta, well it seems it agrees about being fucking gender neutral and if fucking going to paint all of the signs to meet this new standard. It should only cost the fucking city $1000 to do. Maybe the fucking homeless kid can eat the next sign he / she (trying to be gender neutral here) fucking sees.

But Atlanta isn’t enough, Ms. Good now plans on a total fucking national attack campaign and sadly I suspect way too many fuckinng states will fall in line with Atlanta. Ms. Good, one question, at your feminist fucking magazine, how may men you have writing articles for you and I don’t mean fucking gay guys either, they’re nothing but bitchs anyway.

In the interest of gender neutrality, I’ve got a few things that I think should be fucking changed immediately.
menapause - you know that time in a woman’s life when …. well fuck when she’s getting too fucking old.
menstral cramp - again, what the fuck does this have to do with a fucking men
menstration - do I really fucking need to type any fucking thing here
Seriously, what does "men" have to fucking do with these fucking times in a womans life when men most likely want to be as far away as fucking possible and no I don’t use a fucking dictionary so if your too fucking stupid to figure out what the fuck I’m talking about, thats your own fucking problem.

In all honesty, politcal correctness really doesn’t have any fucking place in society. Anyone who would be offended by most of the inane crap that the PC patrol care to fucking whip out just don’t have enough in their sad little fucking lives. So go ahead, call me a fucking red neck, asshole, or just about anything else you can think of. It ain’t going to hurt my fucking feelings.

But my most burning question is this, why wasn’t Ms. Good cited for vandalism on the signs she spray painted a pink "wo" in front of men at work!

Today’s Babe Sunny Leone

\Click the pic to be transformed into a Hustler dude!

Sunny Leone | Reflections Of Love
Sunny Leone, whose parents had emigrated from India, grew up in Canada and relocated to Southern California in 1996 with her family. Soon after graduating from high school, the ingenue began modeling, slowly transitioning from mainstream work to nude layouts. Finally opting to have sex in front of the camera, she signed with Vivid Video in ’05 and stars in Sunny, Virtual Vivid Girl Sunny Leone and other hard-core releases.

Statistics:

Hair: Brown, Eyes: Brown, Bust: 34B, Waist:24, Hips: 34, Height: 5′ 4, Weight: 110
Biography:

Birthplace: Ontario, Canada
Age: 25
Favorite Movie: The Princess Bride. I can quote that movie endlessly.
Favorite Song: Right now it’s Rhianna’s “SOS”. I like mostly dance and hip hop…anything I can shake it to.
Favorite Food: I’m hesitant to say, but I really like In-N-Out. It’s not very good for you, but I love a “Double Double”.
Likes: I like girlie girl stuff. Shopping, cooking, just hanging out. I like being around my friends and family.
Dislikes: I’m really impatient, so waiting around. I get so antsy on shoot days that I’m tempted to leave sometimes.
Ambitions: I’ve been studying to be a pediatric nurse for a while now. When I retire from adult, I plan on having a career where I can help children.
Best Place to Fuck: I’m boring…my big old bed. Sorry fellas! No screwing on a motorcycle for me!
Best Sex: It’s always with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for so long that he knows exactly what I want and how I want it. And we like to mix it up by bringing a girl home every now and then.
Favorite Position: Doggie, with one of my boyfriend’s hands slapping my ass and the other pulling my hair. I’m getting wet just thinking about it.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: You’re one of the very few Indian starlets out there…is there any pressure to set an example?

SUNNY: Ha ha…none at all. The only pressure I get is from my parents. They’re pretty traditional. They’re not very happy with what I’m doing, but they are supportive. I keep reminding them that I’ll be a nurse before they know it and that usually calms them down.

HUSTLER: What’s been your favorite experience so far?

SUNNY: Going to Miami and interviewing celebrities for the MTV India Music awards on the red carpet. I spoke to everyone from Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas to the Doggfather himself, Snoop Dogg. What a crazy trip that was!

Tags: Political Commentary by Walrus
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Normally I’m not a fucking rumor mongor nor do I believe in airing ones dirty fucking laundry in public, especially when it comes to a fucking business where most people figure every fucking person in it is dirty anyway. But since that fucking bitch, Raven, herself decided to go public with this "you tube" video, I figured it would be cool to just fill everyone in on the shit.

Now if your want to hear the other side of the fucking story, you’ll have to forgo the fucking video as I quote from the fucking Xbiz article.

Leach asserts that Riley came to him in late March and stated that she didn’t want to be Raven Riley anymore. “She was tired of the business and wanted to change her phone number so no one from the industry could contact her,” Leach said. Riley’s number was changed April 9, at her request, and was used until it was turned off June 9, according to Leach.

Now as any of us smart fucking people know this is just like a fucking divorce, you can’t fucking believe everything that he says or everything that she says. Somewhere in the middle of all the fucking crap, all the fucking lies is the mother fucking truth but you can bet for sure that this is going to fucking be more like a celebrety break-up as opposed to your fucking meaningless little divorce and at some point the name calling and dirty fucking secrets are bound to come out.

Since I know you all are fucking wondering who the fuck I’m talking about, I figured I’d post a little sexier side of Raven just to refresh you all to fragile of fucking memories. Also, I’ve been personally assured that the site owns enough content to stay fresh for at least another year or so. If you really gotta have more of this fucking slut, go for it. You won’t get burned!

And no, posting this little dab of porn does not constitute the nude of the post so enjoy that too!!!

Meka Mulan- Nude for the Post

Chicago, IL

AGE: 26 HAIR COLOR: Blonde HEIGHT: 5ft 6in WEIGHT: 105 BREAST: 34C MEASUREMENTS: 34C-24-34

Playboys Sexy Wives Meka is woman of many loves. She prefers grilled cheese and ham sandwiches, sushi, happy hour, Chicago house music,  and photography. Her hobbies include boating, yoga, hiking, traveling abroad and dancing. To learn more about Meka check out the interview in the members area. At least check out her hot fucking photo gallery

Tags: Porn Shit by Walrus
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How many fucking married dudes are sitting out there getting ready to fucking read the wisdom that is The Walrus? I’ll fucking warn you right fucking now you may want to skip what the fuck I’m about to say and get right to the nude of the post. Otherwise you may have to face a fucking ugly truth that you may not be prepared to face.

Do you have a "guys night out" and your fucking wife have a "girls night out"? You probably figure her night out is just as fucking innocent as yours. I mean, I know what your doing. You and the buds probably head out to some fucking place where you can watch the fucking game, shoot some pool and get drunk. Then, after drinking plenty some of the buds split and the rest of you head for the local strip club where you give plenty of cute bitchs some cash to rub their shit all over you.

While your out doing that, wonder what your fucking wife is upto? Her and her little bitch friends, well their night starts out pretty much like the fucking bitchs in sex and the city. You know a little place with some apetizers and plenty of alcohol. Sitting oogling the guys as they walk by and talking about how bored their fucking little lives have become or even worse, how fucking boring their sex lives have become and when they get ready to move on, they move to somewhere to relieve their boredom

Here is where assholes like me come in. I personally like to catch the group just before they are getting ready to leave and pick the weak one out of the herd. There is always at least one that is just a little drunker than the rest or perhaps a little lonlier than the rest and is just waiting for someone to start paying a little attention to her and I do. Usually it starts with a little look (just catching her eye), a wink, a accidental meeting (ya right) on the way to or from the bathroom. Maybe the meeting happens when she comes to the bar to get another drink but I can fucking garauntee that the meeting will occur and after a few fucking minutes of flattering conversation and a couple comments to make her laugh, the seperation process has begun.

Now I’ll be honest, I love fucking married women. I don’t want anything long term or any fucking bitch who is going to be panting after me constantly. I’m looking for bored bitchs just wanting to fucking add a little something to their mundane life and if they want to become a regular fuck buddy, all the fucking better and while the bitch is going to want to share all the fucking moments with her friends, she’s also going to want to keep whats happening as big a secret as possible.

Anyway, once you create a little seperation, you work on one of two strategies. Stragegy one, get her to stay behind. Strategy two, have her tell you where her and the friends are headed. Either way things end pretty much the same way. A couple stiff drinks (perhaps I’ll share my secret drink that fucks a woman up but she loves) and it’s time to take her for a little walk. Within 5 minutes I’ll have my hand down her pants and within no time your fucking wife will be on her knee’s swallowing as much of my cock as she can and then bent over and fucked like she hasn’t been in a very long time and when I’m ready to finish I’ll be coating that sacred wedding ring she wears with my cum.

She’ll come home, drunk on her ass, well fucked and ready to go to sleep. For you, she won’t be in the mood and the next time you do get the chance for a little, she’ll be remembering our time in the fucking parking lot and not even thinking about you. Don’t worry, no need for you to get her off, after your done and asleep, she’ll be in the bathroom, thinking about how good it felt having a real man’s cock ramming her hole and rubbing her clit for all it’s worth.

Odds are, I’ve fucked your wife and she still thinks about that time more often than any moment you’ve spent with her.

Christine Stevens- Nude for the Post

Christine is a walk-a-holic
Christine Stevens
Waconia, MN
SPECS:
AGE: 30
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT:5ft 6in
WEIGHT:113 lb
BREASTS: 34DD
MEASUREMENTS: 34DD-24-34
Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Christine is a walk-a-holic. She comes from Minnesota and loves the lakes there. She is also into ice fishing and playing in the sun. Her ambition is to become a world famous landlord. To learn more about this northern gal take a gander at her interview video. Learn more about Christine at Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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Now this is some funny shit and believe it or not, I’m gonna leave my personal comments aside and simply add in the video.

For some fucking reason I can not get the fucking video to embed so here’s the link until I actually figure this shit out. Nevermind it’s working now, bitch mother fucker

Malou- Nude for the Post

Malou | Hustler Babe

Statistics:

Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Blue,
Bust: 34C,
Waist:24,
Hips: 34,
Height: 5′6″,
Weight: 108

Biography:

Birthplace: Copenhagen, Denmark

Age: 24

Favorite Movie: Amelie. I adore that fact it’s a good-natured fairytale about love. And it’s just visually stunning.

Favorite Song: Abba’s “Dancing Queen”. Whenever I hear this tune I can’t help but move my body.

Favorite Food: Bornholmer. It’s actually smoked herring. I know it sounds gross, but it’s very popular where I’m from.

Likes: I’m a big fan of bike-riding and going hiking. I’m usually up for anything outdoorsy.

Dislikes: This might be a little political, but Hustler’s a political magazine, right? I really dislike America’s current political administration and its stance on international issues.

Ambitions: I’m hoping to one day move to the US and become a world-wide celebrity!

Best Place to Fuck: I’m a big fan of screwing on this leather couch I inherited from an old boyfriend. Every time I have sex on it I think about how badly he treated me and I feel like I’m getting revenge.

Best Sex: Any sex that involves more than one other person. I love group sex…especially when the girls are hot!

Favorite Position: For anal I like doggie and for vaginal I like cowgirl.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What do you think about Americans?

MALOU: I feel bad for you guys right now. I know that your president doesn’t reflect the entire country, but everyone in the European community feels like he’s giving you guys a bad name.

HUSTLER: Enough about politics. Tell is something dirty.

MALOU: The last time I visited my parent’s house, I went with my boyfriend. Every night when my parents fell asleep we would have sex all over the house. It was a little weird doing it in my childhood bedroom, but it was definitely HOT.

Tags: Geek Shit, Political Commentary, Sports Commentary by Walrus
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As a fucking adult webmaster it can sometimes seem like the whole world is fucking against you. Especially since the good "ole" boy turned fucking religious reicht zealot and decided to increase the FBI’s role in tracking down us fucking porn slingers. At least right now I think I’m fucking immune since I don’t fucking make any of this shit, I just sell it.

For some unknown fucking reason, you the general public… or at least the religious side of the general fucking public, seem to think us porn slingers love to nothing else than take pictures of underage girls. That’s about as fucking far from the truth as you can get but I’m slipping off of the fucking topic at hand.

Now where the fuck was I. Anyway this post initial intent was to talk about an obscenity case and the judge presiding over it. The case is about some sick twisted fetish dude who is facing some obscenity charges right here in the porn capital of America. So you got to know that it’s some twisted shit and I do mean that literally as his fucking films feature bestiality and defecation. The dude is Ira Isaacs and if your fucking interested in the article, here is a link to the fucking LA Times article.

That’s the obscenity case. It’s the judge who makes it interesting. Alex Kozinski, the 9th Circuit chief judge had himself a little website and on this little website he had pictures of, among others (or so I’m told, the site was taken down before the URL was made public) a woman on her hands and knees painted like a cow. Now this begs the question…was she a fat heffer? Seriously, did they do this to a fucking BBW or did they pick a normal sized gal to play the part of the painted cow. I’ve got to admit…I’m not offended either way. Unlike the judge, I also don’t quite find the humor in it either.

He also, allegedly, had a video of "a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal". Now I’m no farmer, but then again neither is the reporter for the LA Times, but how do you tell if a farm animal is sexually aroused. I mean are we fucking talking about a dude giving a hand job to a horse or a bull. There are fucking legit reasons to do this. Was a fucking sheep sitting on a fence all made up and in a sexy little teddy?

In both cases without the fucking picture / video it’s pretty difficult to say if this is obscene or if it is just fucking funny and in that lies the problem in the obscenity case. See if it’s fucking funny then it’s covered under free speech and if it has absolutely no redeeming value it is considered obscene. Like the picture I described no someone may find that funny as fuck, personally I don’t but since I’m not offended by it I don’t consider it obscene. In fact, if anyone enjoys watching something doesn’t that something then have a redeeming value. I may not like it much as I can assure you that I don’t enjoy old Ira’s brand of porn but the fucking constitiution doesn’t say "freedom for the Walrus" it says "freedom for all" and as such if I were so inclined to watch sick fucking shit like a man fucking a sheep, I should fucking be allowed and if I want to film that and sell the film to others who enjoy watching a man get ass fucked by a pidgeon then I should fucking be allowed to do so.

I once saw a video of a chick giving a horse a blow job. I thought it was pretty fucking sick until the horse ejaculated with such strength that it threw the chick for about 5 feet. Then it became funny.

Damn did this fucking post lose it’s initial target. I do get lost sometimes in my ramblings.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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