Chasing the Walrus

Now this is some funny shit and believe it or not, I’m gonna leave my personal comments aside and simply add in the video.

For some fucking reason I can not get the fucking video to embed so here’s the link until I actually figure this shit out. Nevermind it’s working now, bitch mother fucker

Malou- Nude for the Post

Malou | Hustler Babe

Statistics:

Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Blue,
Bust: 34C,
Waist:24,
Hips: 34,
Height: 5′6″,
Weight: 108

Biography:

Birthplace: Copenhagen, Denmark

Age: 24

Favorite Movie: Amelie. I adore that fact it’s a good-natured fairytale about love. And it’s just visually stunning.

Favorite Song: Abba’s “Dancing Queen”. Whenever I hear this tune I can’t help but move my body.

Favorite Food: Bornholmer. It’s actually smoked herring. I know it sounds gross, but it’s very popular where I’m from.

Likes: I’m a big fan of bike-riding and going hiking. I’m usually up for anything outdoorsy.

Dislikes: This might be a little political, but Hustler’s a political magazine, right? I really dislike America’s current political administration and its stance on international issues.

Ambitions: I’m hoping to one day move to the US and become a world-wide celebrity!

Best Place to Fuck: I’m a big fan of screwing on this leather couch I inherited from an old boyfriend. Every time I have sex on it I think about how badly he treated me and I feel like I’m getting revenge.

Best Sex: Any sex that involves more than one other person. I love group sex…especially when the girls are hot!

Favorite Position: For anal I like doggie and for vaginal I like cowgirl.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What do you think about Americans?

MALOU: I feel bad for you guys right now. I know that your president doesn’t reflect the entire country, but everyone in the European community feels like he’s giving you guys a bad name.

HUSTLER: Enough about politics. Tell is something dirty.

MALOU: The last time I visited my parent’s house, I went with my boyfriend. Every night when my parents fell asleep we would have sex all over the house. It was a little weird doing it in my childhood bedroom, but it was definitely HOT.

Tags: Geek Shit, Political Commentary, Sports Commentary by Walrus
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It’s a sad day as I awoke to learn that George Carlin is dead. While I know every fucking blog, every fucking news site and every fucking person who can write will lament on the passing of this american idol, I still fucking have to do it. He was just that great. Although greatness isn’t probably the right word, he was the funniest mother fucker to ever fucking stand on a stage and entertain people.

I can still remember those seven words which even today can not be said on TV, Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits! He had first fucking did this skit in the good ole mid-west, Milwaukee, where he was fucking promptly arrested for disturbing the peace. What the fuck, did people laugh so loud the fucking neighbors complained. Eventually, when it went to court a judge with a little fucking sense through the charges out stating the obvious, how was the fucking peace disturbed.

But I’m guessing that you’ve probably already read most of this stuff, except, perhaps what those magic seven words were. I just needed to say good-bye to an icon. Good-bye George, perhaps now some people will laugh with you but also understand that they are actually laughing at the sadness that our society has become.

McKenzie Lee- Nude for the Post

McKenzie | Hustler Babe

Statistics:
Hair: Brown, Eyes: Brown, Bust: 32D, Waist: 24, Hips: 32, Height: 5′4”, Weight: 105

Biography:
Birthplace: Leicester, England
Age: 27

Favorite Movie: The Lion In Winter". Peter O’Toole’s performance as King Henry the II is one of the most memorable in modern cinema.

Favorite Song: This is hard! There’s so many to choose from. As of late, I’ve been listening to Gnarls Barkley’s "Crazy" almost constantly.

Favorite Food: You Americans may find this disgusting, but baked beans on toast.

Likes: I LOVE fast food! It’s my achilles heel. McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, you name it. If there’s a drive-thru, chances are I’ve been there at least once.

Dislikes: Exercising. I know I need to work-out because of all the junk food I eat, but it’s so hard to get motivated and drag myself to the gym.

Ambitions: My future goal is to keep pleasing my fans by doing rocking sex scenes, and obviously to make Jenna as proud as I possibly can.

Best Place to Fuck: Have you used one of those Liberator things yet? Oh. My. God. The position you can achieve and the things you can do on that is amazing.

Best Sex: I’d have to say the best sex I’ve ever had is with my now-fiance. We’re just so good together that everytime we fuck it’s amazing.

Favorite Position: I absolutely adore reverse cow-girl. Not only does it allow me to control the action, but my partner gets a great view.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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For those of you fuckers who are more like me and don’t get out much, there is a new search sheriff in town and I really like the promises that he brings. But I also know he is frought with problems and abuses that I’m not sure he can handle.

Wikia Search, the first truly web2.0 search engine is now up and running and with as much as I pay attention to these fucking geek type of things may have been for about 100 fucking years, but I doubt it. Brought to you by those geniuses at the real wikipedia.

The fucking cool thing is that you the user have a direct input on the quality of the searchs. Any user can edit / add to the link description, annotate (which means you can add fucking images or links or add text or highlight passages for the links you find), spotlight, comment or delete links as you see fit. Direct user input should provide for a much more robust and accurate search tool.

Provided it’s not fucking abused! Whether the fucking religious right believe it or fucking not, porn does have it’s fucking place in american society and I can see all the fucking preachers up on the pulpit preaching that we need to wipe out the fucking scourge and every one of the fucking sheep in his congregation will go marching over to the new sheriff’s office and recommend all porn sites for deletions.

Not to mention that business is a rough game and everyone will try to fuck their competition any fucking way possible. Which with as valuable as search engine traffic is, means trying to fuck with their listings.

But I do really like the idea of a user sponsored search as opposed to todays technology of little fucking bots running around collecting information for large complex software algorythms to figure out if your site reachs a quality factor that they will then show your results. Especially when they are matching your results against other sites that my not be anywhere near or as informative as yours. See, they only have things like keywords to go by as fucking bots can’t read.

Shay Laren- Nude for the Post

Shay Laren | Hustler Babe

Statistics:
Hair: Brown, Eyes: Brown, Bust: 36DD, Waist:25, Hips: 35, Height: 5′6”, Weight: 115

Biography
Birthplace: Giorgia, United States

Age: 21

Shay Laren, the eldest of four children, was an army brat, growing up in a number of military bases across the world. She spent her high school years in Germany.

Click for this photo gallery

Tags: Geek Shit by Walrus
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After yesterday’s post, I actually got a little fucking curious about animal fucking and animal fuckers in general. I had always figured that it was all fucking fun and games type of shit, I never really figured sheepherder Bob kept himself warm at night in the hooves of his favorite sheep. How fucking naive I was. It does seem that some people get fucking excited by the swish of an animals tail. According to the old reliable, know anything you ever wanted to fucking know, Wiki, this is called zoophilia, the emotional and (optionally) sexual attraction of humans to animals. The human animal fuckers or fuckee’s are fucking known as zoophiles. It also seems that zoophilia has been around as long as man and beast.

This is a picture of a painting titled Leda and the Swan. Seems Leda and her fucking man swan must have been somewhat of the talk of the fucking town as even the most famous artists of the time painted their renditions of Leda and her loving fucking swan. This is a picture of a copy of the lost original painted by Leonardo, you know as in Leonardo Da Vinci. It seems that Michaelangelo also painted this fucking couple as well and fucking ironically his fucking painting was lost too. Not typically being a conspiracy theorist, one has to wonder if this is some form of early censorship. Especially when the study of Leda’s head, painted also by Leonardo, still exists as the horny fucking swan is left out.

But we have some fucking examples of animal love even in today’s society. Seems a few years back a man was dropped off at the hospital and later died. The police in investigating found that he had been visiting a farm of ill repute. Yep, you read that right, a fucking farm where you could pay the farmer to have sex with his animals. Seems the dude who fucking died had wanted to have a fucking horse ass fuck him. The horse was happy to oblige and literally ripped the guy a new asshole. Since, at the time, bestiality was legal in the state no charges were filed. But the police did find smaller, more helpless animals such as chickens, goats and sheep on the property and they are looking into whether animal cruelty — which is a crime — was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker animals.

It also seems that there are zoophiles who are also into necrophilia. Yep, you read that right, fucking dead animals is a turn on for some sick fucks. It would seem some poor fucker was caught fucking a dead deer on the side of the road and is spending some jail time. Can you fucking imagine what this dumb fucker tells his cell mate when asked why he’s in prison? I saw this really sweet deer with the sexiest fucking tail, just lying there and I had to fuck her. Really, I didn’t know she was fucking dead at the time.

I also want to start a new feature here. Since my liberal use of the F-word and other such obscenities seems to offend a few people, I decided it must be time to offend a few more. With each post, at the end, I’m going to include a Walrus selected Nude for the post. Since this one was so fucking off the hook, I’m not sure that it would be considered an honor to be selected the first nude but I now present:

Valentina Vaughn - Nude for the Post

Valentina Vaughn | Around the Benz

This olive-skinned goddess isn’t really sure what she wants out of life. “I moved from Philadelphia to pursue a full-time career in modeling,” Valentina says. “Back there I worked as an exotic dancer, which was cool, but being nude in HUSTLER seems so much cooler.” So does that mean our latest centerfold has left her G-string behind? “Not necessarily,” she replies. “I still go to Vegas to dance on some weekends. Looking ahead, the brown-eyed beauty is open to opportunities. “I don’t know what I’ll do in the future,” Valentina murmurs. “Maybe continue nude modeling, maybe go back to dancing. The thing is, I’m really okay with not knowing.”

Click for this photo gallery

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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As a fucking adult webmaster it can sometimes seem like the whole world is fucking against you. Especially since the good "ole" boy turned fucking religious reicht zealot and decided to increase the FBI’s role in tracking down us fucking porn slingers. At least right now I think I’m fucking immune since I don’t fucking make any of this shit, I just sell it.

For some unknown fucking reason, you the general public… or at least the religious side of the general fucking public, seem to think us porn slingers love to nothing else than take pictures of underage girls. That’s about as fucking far from the truth as you can get but I’m slipping off of the fucking topic at hand.

Now where the fuck was I. Anyway this post initial intent was to talk about an obscenity case and the judge presiding over it. The case is about some sick twisted fetish dude who is facing some obscenity charges right here in the porn capital of America. So you got to know that it’s some twisted shit and I do mean that literally as his fucking films feature bestiality and defecation. The dude is Ira Isaacs and if your fucking interested in the article, here is a link to the fucking LA Times article.

That’s the obscenity case. It’s the judge who makes it interesting. Alex Kozinski, the 9th Circuit chief judge had himself a little website and on this little website he had pictures of, among others (or so I’m told, the site was taken down before the URL was made public) a woman on her hands and knees painted like a cow. Now this begs the question…was she a fat heffer? Seriously, did they do this to a fucking BBW or did they pick a normal sized gal to play the part of the painted cow. I’ve got to admit…I’m not offended either way. Unlike the judge, I also don’t quite find the humor in it either.

He also, allegedly, had a video of "a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal". Now I’m no farmer, but then again neither is the reporter for the LA Times, but how do you tell if a farm animal is sexually aroused. I mean are we fucking talking about a dude giving a hand job to a horse or a bull. There are fucking legit reasons to do this. Was a fucking sheep sitting on a fence all made up and in a sexy little teddy?

In both cases without the fucking picture / video it’s pretty difficult to say if this is obscene or if it is just fucking funny and in that lies the problem in the obscenity case. See if it’s fucking funny then it’s covered under free speech and if it has absolutely no redeeming value it is considered obscene. Like the picture I described no someone may find that funny as fuck, personally I don’t but since I’m not offended by it I don’t consider it obscene. In fact, if anyone enjoys watching something doesn’t that something then have a redeeming value. I may not like it much as I can assure you that I don’t enjoy old Ira’s brand of porn but the fucking constitiution doesn’t say "freedom for the Walrus" it says "freedom for all" and as such if I were so inclined to watch sick fucking shit like a man fucking a sheep, I should fucking be allowed and if I want to film that and sell the film to others who enjoy watching a man get ass fucked by a pidgeon then I should fucking be allowed to do so.

I once saw a video of a chick giving a horse a blow job. I thought it was pretty fucking sick until the horse ejaculated with such strength that it threw the chick for about 5 feet. Then it became funny.

Damn did this fucking post lose it’s initial target. I do get lost sometimes in my ramblings.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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and to the dumbass’s at democratic party who have once again nominated a fucking candidate who I don’t believe has a fucking snowballs chance in hell of getting elected. Seriously, how in the fuck could anyone in their right mind vote for this stupid fucker.

Change…every election probably since good old George…Washington, the opposition party wants to tout change. Fuck even George Bush ran on change during the 2000 election. But what the fuck has changed? As far as I can tell not fucking much. Oh the economy got worse but what else.

Issues, hmm lets see…Get out of Iraq. Great idea, lets go into an area, fuck it up and then walk away leaving it fucked up and likely to destabilize much of the Middle East. Who, by the way, hates our fucking guts. Pulling out the troops sounds nice but in reality it would be a major fucking mistake to make.

I’m not an Iraq war fan. Ole GW, as in GW Bush, lied to the world about Iraq for his own fucking personal reasons and in all honesty I don’t understand why the democrates haven’t had the balls to do the right fucking thing and impeach the bastard. Unless they really think Dick Cheney would be worse. Bush deserves to be impeached and no one is to blame for that not happening other than the democratic party. In my not so humble opinion, thats because they care more about having it an election issue than fucking doing the right thing for the country. Show the world that we don’t tolerate dumb ass shit like that. Oh hell no, lets fucking keep the lame duck around so we can use him as a punching bag during the election. Fuck putting the country first, lets put the party first.

That having been said, now that we are there, we have to finish what we started. Plain and simply. Otherwise, Iran, Al Quida (or however you pronounce that) will have won a moral victory. They chased the US out because we don’t have the stomach to actually fight a war.

Plus is this that much different than Korea, where we still have troops or Germany (remember world war II) where we still have troops.

Health care…Fucking bleeding hearts want government health care for all. When has the government ever not fucked things up. Look at Canada, it’s wonderful…ya if you don’t mind waiting lines and weeks before you can get in to see a doctor. What about the quality? It’s no where as good. But fuck everyone has it don’t they!

I could go on but I’ve got a life to go partake of. I’m sure I’ll be on this band wagon again. Oh and no I don’t support McCain. But perhaps he is the lesser of two evils.

Tags: Political Commentary by Walrus
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It really is fucking nice to be blogging again. A little uncomfortable as the fucking shit just isn’t flowing from my finger tips like it used to but I’m sure that it’s just I’m a bit out of fucking practice. In other fucking words The Walrus has lost his voice but just like a dude with laryngitis’s needs his fucking medicince, I’m sure a few more posts and enough fucking Jack Daniels will have me back to in no time. Probably it’s just finding combination of JD and indignation to set me off. But still it’s nice to be back.

Since what I do mostly is porn, it’s pretty unusual to give another blog a little praise. See I’m in fucking competition for your fucking credit card with these other fuckers so why would I want to send you off to spend that cold hard cash on the porn they’re peddling rather than doing it so I make a little of the fucking coin. But this is an exception, a redneck porn blog that not only fucking tries to get you to purchase some porn but also a dude who likes to wonder around his fucking home town, snapping pictures of all the redneck hilarity. My personal favorite is a post he did advertising pig eggs for sale. Some classic redneck shit right there. There are some other great posts too but I just love having pig eggs for breakfast!

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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This is one of those fucking rants that has just been waiting for the right moment to happen and since Pacman Jones is back in the news it seems like a really fucking good time to get it out of my fucking system, although, in all honesty, the rant is less about the Pacman.

But lets start right fucking there.  How long has this unfortunate soul been banned from the fucking No Fun League now?  If my failing memory serves it fucking purpose, its been a fucking season now and there is no fucking end in sight Just some fucking maybe’s although with Jerry Jones now on his side he at least has a fucking owner known to tell NFL officials to take their shit down the Hershey highway.

Seriously, what law has he broken?  Best as I recall, he hasn’t spent a night in jail, been convicted of a crime or any other such fucking nonsense.  Does he have a penchant for being in the wrong place at the right fucking time, absolutely?  Does trouble seem to follow most of his moves, definitely.  Has he shown that he does not have the ability to think about what the repercussions of his decisions prior to making them, yes? 

What football rule or regulation has he disobeyed…none.  Then how can the commissioner not let him play ball.  Seriously, even with all the trouble he’s been involved in, he has never not came to play on Sunday.  From what I recall, he even goes to practice.

On the other hand, we have Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots.  They flagrantly paid no attention to the league rules.  I know, they paid a fine and damn even lost a first round draft pick.  Never mind that the draft pick really wasn’t a big thing, they had an even higher pick from a trade they made earlier so it’s not like they didn’t get a first round pick.  Big fucking deal.

If you put one and one together you should be able to figure out what an advantage they had.  Belichick was a fucking loser in Cleveland but some how turned that around and has even been called a genius for his ability to make changes at half time of a ball game.  I know you’ve all fucking heard the announcers comment on this.  How do you think that happened?

Taping signals during the game!  You have no idea how easy it would be to digitize those tapes, compare them to field recordings and break down the signals.  Guess what, come second half, you can pretty much figure out what the other team is doing defensively.

Remember when Joe Gibbs first returned to the Redskins about ¾ of the way through the season it came out that opponents had studied the Redskins films from when he had coached previously and were able to predict what he would do in certain situations.  He and the Redskins had a miserable year.

For those of you gullible idiots who don’t believe it gave him a major edge your just living in denial.  He cheated, he broke an NFL rule and it is he who should be living in exile. 

Tags: Sports Commentary by Walrus
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If you’ve ever fucking been surfing the web, I fucking know you’ve ran across the multitude of torrent sites that are out there. Great fucking places right? You can fucking download almost any fucking thing your heart desires and maybe you haven’t noticed but the only fucking thing you have to give up is your computer.

The shit you download from these fucking places not only have been fucking stolen but they’ve also been so infected with spyware / adware / trojans / god only knows what other kind of shit that you basicly turn over your computer to the hackers who have stolen the good from someone else. Personally, I’ve always found it much to steep a price to pay. I’d much rather have my computer operating at it’s maximum capacity than have all that crap bogging it down.

Not to mention the possibility of having my credit card info stolen or my keystrokes logged or god only knows what other information they can gather while I search the internet.

Well, you fucking freebie hunters, your days seem to be numbered as the MPAA (movie pictures etc etc) seems to be having some very nice success shutting these fucking theives down due to copyright infringements. Seems the courts are siding with the movie people and laying down some steep fines according to this fucking article in ARS Technica. It seems at least two of the fucking freebie loving fucking thieving sites ShowStash.net and Cinematube.net are now 4 million dollars poorer. Why, because they profit by stealing the fucking work of others!

These are some of the smaller ones, easy wins for the MPAA to set precident with. You can be sure that the big fucking theives won’t be far behind.

Personally, I applaud this. Torrent and / or tube site are simply stealing from people who work hard for a fucking living. By giving away the product others work hard to develop they devalue that product. In other words, they take the food out of the mouth of the baby I don’t have, but many fucking others do.

Porn has become a very hard sell ( in case you didn’t know, thats what the fuck I do) and I mostly blame torrent sites for the easy availability. Oh and you stupid fuckers who don’t fucking realize your cripling your fucking computer by downloading this crap…oh ya, and then you blame porn for all your problems. Stupid mother fuckers

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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I just deleted a fucking post half way through writing it. It was fucking stupid and I began to wonder what the fuck I have become even thinking this shit was worth blogging about. How does all the stupid ass shit that’s been happening over at myspace lately fucking affect me. Exactly, since I don’t have no fucking space, it doesn’t.

Do I really care that some stupid ass grown fucking woman got her panties in such a big twist that she set her sites on ruining a young childs life and succeeded in damaging the barely teen girl into committing suicide? Does that really affect my life? I think it’s a fucking sad story that a supposed fucking grown ass bitch of 50 would fucking play a childs fucking mind game on a child. But I also find it to be a sad as fucking story that the childs parents didn’t care fucking enough to notice a difference in their child and seek out the possible causes for it. Or to warn their child about how totally fucking deceptive and evil the world is and take adequate steps to educate and protect her. For any parents who read this and for any children who might get lost along the way and actually run across the Walrus’s ravings….the world is a nasty fucking place with plenty of depraved individuals who are completely jealous of what you have and the innocence that you possess and will try to do anything they fucking can to take it away from you. Nothing is real on the internet unless you let it become real.

Do I really fucking care that a 19 year old ass hole seduced a child? Ok, yes I do care but I don’t fucking care that the vehicle he used another social website sprawled across the internet. Mom, Pop it’s your responsibility to have the type of fucking dialog with your teen age child to help them understand that perverted assholes exist in this world and that they use the anonymity of the internet to play their fucking dangerous games. It is a very simple fact, the internet is a hostile environment where too many fucking people like to play games, pretending to be who they aren’t simply because it is the only way they can find to escape their misreable fucking lives and be the person they’ve always only dreamed they could be.

But now don’t go thinking I’m some kind of cold, heartless fuck. I also find it rediculus that a young boy is now facing child porn charges because his girlfriend kicked his stupid ass to the curb and in a fit of emotional uproar made a really bad decision. We all fucking do stupid ass shit now and then, especially when it comes to love. We can act the fool and do some major stupid fucking shit. This dude, in an attempt to seek a little fucking revenge, probably somewhat justified, decided to post a few nude pics of his also underage girlfriend on the internet.

Lets keep in mind, he was in possession of these illegal photos because the girl who broke his fucking little heart sent them to him of her own free accord. In this instance, she should bare some of the burden of blame just as he has. He shouldn’t have been so stupid but then again neither should she. Don’t take a picture and send it to anyone unless your totally prepared for it to be displayed across the internet. Shit happens. But his poor judgment, probably at a time of extreme emotional distress does not constitute charges like possession of child pornography, sexual exploitation of a child and defamation. What he did was stupid not criminal and in this instance the possible punishment definately does not fit the crime. Judges who hear these type of cases should have the ability to do exactly what the gym teacher used to do when I was a child and that’s take the kid into chambers, parents present, and give him a good old fashioned paddling. Of course, all the fucking liberals with their heads up their asses would see that as fucking child abuse. Funny how we all long for the good old days but don’t realize that it’s this kind of shit that makes them the good ole days. But the lack of child disipline in todays society and how it has fucked things up is fodder for a whole new post.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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