Chasing the Walrus

No, I haven’t abandoned posting again or slipped even further into being depressed. As far as that goes, I’m probably as good as I have been for a little while. But what has happened between Tuesdays disaster and my posting now would probably push a mere mortal man in that direction.

Thursday I was planning to be a good boy. Got to the train station in time to catch the train and the plan was to come hope and post here and work on a couple of my sites. I can’t remember what it was I had to post about but it seems it was somewhere along the lines of a good old fashioned Walrus rant.

But fucking fate had other plans for me. Seems the metrolink trains were all having problems and all the trains were delayed. My commute schedule really doesn’t handle delays well and not needing much of an excuse to go to the bar anyway the fact that the commute wasn’t going to go as planned was excuse enough.

My bartender buddy, from now on known as the bartender, called in sick so his replacement was the Jack Daniels dude. Now the JD dude likes to do shots of Jack and since he’s buying, how can I say no? Also the bartenders girlfriend, not knowing the bartender had called in sick, stopped by. She’s good people and always a hoot to talk to so I sat drinking Stella’s, Jack on the rocks and a free shot every ten minutes with JD dude. Needless to say, I got fucking plastered.

At some point in the night, the bartenders girlfriend went home and I found myself trying to chat up a fat ugly Indian chick. When I say Indian chick, I mean from India not native american. This chick was coyote ugly. Luckily, whether it was cause I was white, fat, drunk or a combination of all fucking three she had no interest in fucking me. It’s kind of a sad statement, she’d rather sit around the train station all night than let me get my rocks off on her. Worked to my favor, I didn’t have to sit there in the morning, shame all over my face and wonder what the fuck I had done.

The bad news was that instead of going home, I went over to someone who lives close to the train station to spend the night. Sucks having to wear the same cloths two days in a row. Especially without a shower but who the fuck would shower and then put on two day old cloths.

So I went through Friday, hungover, smelly, sweaty, sticky and did I mention hungover. When work was fucking finally over I had no problem coming straight home.

The crazy chick, who I really can’t explain what kind of relationship we have is, was at my place and had been there since Thursday. She knew about my drunken exploits, well sort of, I don’t think I told her about the ugly indian chick. Like I said, can’t really explain our relationship. But she was planning on escaping Friday evening anyway. When I got here, her ride was here and they were fucking around on my laptop.

Unfortunately, the crazy chick has a thing about downloading music from P2P sites which means it’s usually infected with all sorts of nasty spyware shit. Having the computer for 36 hours gave her hope that I wouldn’t notice all the fucking trojans and put 2+2 together. So, the remainder of Friday night was spent trying to clean off all of the fucking crap. Oh, and my service provide, they get upset about this kind of shit so they disabled my service as some point in time.

So, that’s been my life for the last couple days, too much JD, an ugly indian chick and the crazy chick. I’m fucking sure I left something out but it’s too late at night for me to really wonder if this is even fucking worth reading. Time to move to the Babe of the Post!

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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Ok, last night turned into a total fucking disaster. I got to the bar / restaurant we were supposed to meet at just a little early. Not bad actually about 5 minutes but when I walked in and she wasn’t there, I had a sinking suspision that this wasn’t going to happen. I ordered a Jack / Rocks and a water back, checked out the appetizer menu, sipped my drink…. and waited. After finishing my drink, I figured I was on my own tonight.

Not a problem, I had made a contingency plan. A friend of mine had said he met a chick who wanted to get into doing some porn shit and wanted to meet me. I used to run a solo girl personality website which was making bank until the personality of the site found out I was fucking one of the chicks at the club she worked at. But ever since I’ve been looking for that one girl I could do that with again and fuck, if she wasn’t the type I could do that with I could always take some pictures and sell them.

So, back to the bar / restaurant, where I figured I was stood up by the MILF and decided to have another drink and a little something. I was proud of myself, I ordered grilled asparagrass, something healthy. Finished that up and had a couple hours to kill before I met girl 2, the porn star.

I went to meet a really good buddy who happens to bartend at my transfer point. Oh, I didn’t mention I am one of the only lucky souls in LA who can commute to work without it being cumbersome. So I went, shot the shit and had a couple more Jack / Rocks and waited for my train ride home. I was supposed to meet the porn star at a little restaurant close to my house so the fact that I was going to be 10 - 15 minutes late didn’t bother me.

Now, I know your thinking what was I going to do if MILF has showed up? Well, I wouldn’t have passed up the chance to cover her rings with my man milk and I would have been more than happy to let her milk my man utter completely dry. Which means I would have stood up the porn star.

One thing you’ve got to understand is these porn chicks are flakes and they get away with it because most men think they are cute and shit. Amazing what a guy will put up with for the opportunity to bang one of these bitchs. What most guys don’t realize is that you are doing the worst thing in the world, unless you want to have your wallet drained for the vague opportunity to get laid. Hence, me having stood her up would have been a good thing, not bad.

But, porn star, being the flake that she is stood my buddy up, which in turn means she stood me up. I got a call about 5 minutes before the meet was supposed to happen from my buddy saying the porn star flake could not be reached for comment. He was all fucking upset about but I personally didn’t give a rats ass, like I said all these kind of chicks are flakes.

Then I did a really stupid thing, I stopped at the Great Steak and got me a pastrami hogie and some french fries. I said I needed to stop doing that and I had been being really good about it lately but I fell of the wagon. I need to look up and find out if there is an over-eaters anonymous. Not a fucking diet plan but a support group for those of us who are binge eaters. Cause if it wasn’t for the binges, my weight would be fine. I could have used a sponsor to call and save me from myself.

I take my food home and devour it, play on the computer about 10 seconds and decide I should just pass out. Big fucking mistake because around 3 am my midnight snack came back to haunt me. I forget what the fuck it’s called but I’ve got this minor problem where acid from my stomach can actually run back up my throat, burning like shit by the way. Same shit Ashley Simpson was supposed to have that caused her to lip sync on Saturday Night Live.

This shit is nasty, it burns your throat making you cough, a lot, which in turns makes it very difficult to breath. I spent about the next 15 minutes trying to simply breathe. Got that under control and noticed that I was having a massive gas attack. I was bloated and ready to explode. I also recognized that it was time to hit the head. So I sat down and literally the shit came squirting out, over and over, and over. I was up the rest of the night burping, farting and turning my asshole into a super squirter.

I felt like shit and I still do. I made it to the day job about an hour late and now I’m sitting here writing this post and waiting for the call of the toilet. I did try a little lunch, an egg salad sandwhich. I think I might regret it but the juries still out.

But fuck this, you all want the babe of the post don’t you and I have just that. How about a babe from Playboy’s All Naturals collection…like you have a choice!

Tags: Porn Shit by Walrus
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Feeling a bit better this evening. Probably because of two things. One, I’m sober. Even though I was extremely tempted I bypassed the bar tonight and came home from the day job to spend time with the old website development. The second, I’ve got a evening out with a hot but mature woman setup for tomorrow so odds are I’ll be doing one of my favorite things, squirting man milk all over her wedding rings.

Don’t typically do the mature chicks, although if she had kids I’d probably class her as a MILF rather than mature but either way her age puts her a little outside of my normal demographics. My preference is late twenties to mid thirties and she’s probably somewhere in the mid forty range. But she is hot or at least cute or maybe just willing. Sometimes its hard to tell, especially when I’ve been depressed like I’ve been. Usually getting laid is kind of like second nature but with this fucking depression it’s been really hard to get myself into that charming Libra personality.

Besides I’ve probably gained about 50 lbs while I’ve been in this funk. This spilling your guts shit on the world wide web when you know no one is listening, cause no one visits this place much yet, does seem to be having a very positive affect. I posted on my other blog this moring (its pure adult) and I am enjoying doing this tonight. Now if I can loose the beer and bread fat, get the waist back down and get a little excercise I may just kick this shit.

But enough, I doubt I’ll post tomorrow evening, I should be much too busy getting busy but I should bore you with all the nasty little details on Wednesday. Until then, I should post a picture of one of the hot fucking Hustler bitchs for you to enjoy as you and Rosie palm get busy.

Shyra Sheer | Open My Box

Real estate appraiser and porn star isn’t a combination you see very often, but we’ve found a 21-year-old hottie pursuing those two divergent careers. “I treat both occupations professionally,” Shyra says. “I want to give all I have and do the best work possible. The real estate gig is a family business owned and run by my mom and dad that always provides a steady paycheck.” How did such a seemingly straitlaced gal get into the adult biz? “Ever since I was 15,” Shyra explains, “I’ve been doing lingerie and swimsuit modeling, and when I turned 18, I started doing topless. At 19 I had a chance to go nude, and I thought, Why not? The offer to do a porn flick followed soon after. I figured I might as well try it. I’m one of those people who believe you have to try everything at least once in order to have an opinion about it.” Does Shyra’s family know that she moonlights as a XXX actress? “They do,” the curvy Coloradoan confides. “Everyone’s pretty cool about it, although my parents don’t like to talk about it.” But their lovely daughter is eager to talk about her sex life. “I like girls,” she coos, “but I love guys! When I date, I need a guy who is totally open, and there is nothing sexier than bringing in other people. When I’m alone with a guy, I love being done doggy. Like most girls I know, it’s my favorite position too!” Not surprisingly, the breathtaking blonde is also rambunctious. “I think the craziest thing I’ve ever done was having sex in a dressing room of a retail store while I was working,” Shyra recalls. “It was okay, though, because I was on a break at the time.” Besides getting down and dirty in front of the camera or with a lover, this dreamgirl has another outlet for shaking her pretty ass. “I am a professional dancer,” Shyra proclaims, “not a stripper! I direct the cheer squad for the Denver Titans [her hometown’s semipro football team], and I used to be the dance captain of the Colorado Crest too. I really love dancing.” When not selling houses, doing a bang-up job in hard-core flicks or waving pom-poms, Shyra opts for low-key escapes. “I love spending time with my family and friends,” she says, “just chilling. Barbecues, picnics and house parties are the best.” How does Shyra feel about gracing the front cover and centerfold of our latest Holiday Issue? “I think it’s just perfect!” she exclaims. “I love the holidays. They are easily my favorite time of the year. You get nice gifts, and being a HUSTLER covergirl is the second-greatest gift I’ve ever received.” Second best?! “Okay,” Shyra relents. “Being on the cover of HUSTLER is the number one best gift!” What does our holiday treat want for Christmas this year? “I would like to see my sister,” Shyra says. “She is my heart and my soul. I would love to be closer to her. So the best gift would be for me to be able to move my sister and her son nearer to me.”

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde, Eyes: Blue, Bust: 34D, Waist:24, Hips: 36, Height: 5′5”, Weight: 120

Biography:
Birthplace: Denver, Colorado
Age: 22
Favorite Movie: Anything with Muppets! For some reason I love those silly things.
Favorite Song: I’ve been listneing to My Chemical Romance’s "Black Parade" constantly since I got it.
Favorite Food: I absolutely loooooove desserts. I’d rather just skip out on dinner altogether. My favorite’s applie pie a la mode.
Likes: I’m such a girl! I like the typical things: shopping, going tanning, gossiping about sex and boys!
Dislikes: I really hate arrogant jerks! My most recent ex-boyfriend is one.
Ambitions: I want to do so much in porn, but I really admire Jenna Jameson. I plan on having an empire like her’s one day.
Best Place to Fuck: Next to a fireplace. There’s something about the crackling wood and added heat that just makes me want to fuck all night.
Best Sex: Anytime I’m pissed off. ESPECIALLY right after a fight with a boyfriend. It’s almost aggressive and animalistic.
Favorite Position: It depends on my mood, but lately I’ve been a big fan of cowgirl. I like being in control these days.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: Since you’re our Holiday centerfold, any special insights into the Holiday season?

SHYRA: If you’re in a relationship, make sure you get your girlfriend something! Even if she says she doesn’t want anything, don’t believe her. Trust me. And make sure to call your mom.

HUSTLER: Have you been naughty this year?

SHYRA: I don’t know if I’ve been naughty or nice. I’m going to have to let Santa decide for himself on Christmas eve. And if he says I’m naughty, I’m just going to have to show him why.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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So its been a fucking while since I posted anything. I’d like to say it’s because I’ve been way to busy doing shit, building more websites, making a bunch more coin. That fucking what I wish I could say. Truth is I’ve been, and still am, a bit depressed with life and as such it’s a fucking measerable experience trying to be the upbeat, all in control Walrus. The thing is, I’m not so fucking sure I understand what the fuck has got me in this funk and if I don’t understand what is causing the funk how can I get out of it.

I’ve kind of exiled myself. Cut myself off from most of the people I know and about the only fucking time I feel like myself I’ve got to be drunk and now I’m tired of being drunk. It’s easy to stop, I’m no where near an alcoholic but I’ve also become more than a social drinker. Or maybe it’s best explained as the only time I seem to be interested in being social is when I’m drinking.

I don’t know, I never planned on this being a spill my guts to the world kind of blog but if it is to be a reflection of it’s name sake then I’ve got to post the bad with the good….I think. How can I ever expect you fuckers to take my rants seriously if I don’t give all of myself, good and bad.

I’m not sure what I have to be depressed about. I’m highly respected in two fields, the one I pay my bills with and the one I’ve chosen on-line. It just seems that I’m walking through life…actually just watching life go by…instead of spending my days living it and its been going on so long that I don’t remember when it started but I have to find a way to make it end.

Enough pissing and moaning, I’ll check in tomorrow and post any revelations. In the meantime, enjoy this sexy bitch.

Yenni is a pool shark
Yennie Hoang
University of Maryland
SPECS:
AGE: 23
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT: 5ft 5in
WEIGHT: 117 lb
BREASTS: 34B
MEASUREMENTS: 34B-26-34
Playboy’s Student Bodies

Yennie is a pool shark that likes surfing the internet. Yennie says she is a big nerd that loves eating chocolate, cheese and candy. To learn more about Yennie check out her interview in the members area. Learn more about Yennie at Playboy’s Student Bodies

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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This fucking bitch is Cytnthia Good, a fucking feminist and founding editor of Pink Magazine in Atlanta. Seems she got her fucking panties all in a wad over the fact that the "Men at Work" signs were present even when women were actually there working with their fucking male counterparts. She fucking wants "gender neutral" signs.

Seriously, with all the fucking other problems in the country, not to mention the fucking world, couldn’t she find something, anything more pressing than fucking "gender neutral" signs for street workers in the Atlanta area to get her precious tight panties all fucked up over. You know something like the homeless child in Atlanta who goes to sleep in the fucking back seat of a car with nothing to eat.

Atlanta, well it seems it agrees about being fucking gender neutral and if fucking going to paint all of the signs to meet this new standard. It should only cost the fucking city $1000 to do. Maybe the fucking homeless kid can eat the next sign he / she (trying to be gender neutral here) fucking sees.

But Atlanta isn’t enough, Ms. Good now plans on a total fucking national attack campaign and sadly I suspect way too many fuckinng states will fall in line with Atlanta. Ms. Good, one question, at your feminist fucking magazine, how may men you have writing articles for you and I don’t mean fucking gay guys either, they’re nothing but bitchs anyway.

In the interest of gender neutrality, I’ve got a few things that I think should be fucking changed immediately.
menapause - you know that time in a woman’s life when …. well fuck when she’s getting too fucking old.
menstral cramp - again, what the fuck does this have to do with a fucking men
menstration - do I really fucking need to type any fucking thing here
Seriously, what does "men" have to fucking do with these fucking times in a womans life when men most likely want to be as far away as fucking possible and no I don’t use a fucking dictionary so if your too fucking stupid to figure out what the fuck I’m talking about, thats your own fucking problem.

In all honesty, politcal correctness really doesn’t have any fucking place in society. Anyone who would be offended by most of the inane crap that the PC patrol care to fucking whip out just don’t have enough in their sad little fucking lives. So go ahead, call me a fucking red neck, asshole, or just about anything else you can think of. It ain’t going to hurt my fucking feelings.

But my most burning question is this, why wasn’t Ms. Good cited for vandalism on the signs she spray painted a pink "wo" in front of men at work!

Today’s Babe Sunny Leone

\Click the pic to be transformed into a Hustler dude!

Sunny Leone | Reflections Of Love
Sunny Leone, whose parents had emigrated from India, grew up in Canada and relocated to Southern California in 1996 with her family. Soon after graduating from high school, the ingenue began modeling, slowly transitioning from mainstream work to nude layouts. Finally opting to have sex in front of the camera, she signed with Vivid Video in ’05 and stars in Sunny, Virtual Vivid Girl Sunny Leone and other hard-core releases.

Statistics:

Hair: Brown, Eyes: Brown, Bust: 34B, Waist:24, Hips: 34, Height: 5′ 4, Weight: 110
Biography:

Birthplace: Ontario, Canada
Age: 25
Favorite Movie: The Princess Bride. I can quote that movie endlessly.
Favorite Song: Right now it’s Rhianna’s “SOS”. I like mostly dance and hip hop…anything I can shake it to.
Favorite Food: I’m hesitant to say, but I really like In-N-Out. It’s not very good for you, but I love a “Double Double”.
Likes: I like girlie girl stuff. Shopping, cooking, just hanging out. I like being around my friends and family.
Dislikes: I’m really impatient, so waiting around. I get so antsy on shoot days that I’m tempted to leave sometimes.
Ambitions: I’ve been studying to be a pediatric nurse for a while now. When I retire from adult, I plan on having a career where I can help children.
Best Place to Fuck: I’m boring…my big old bed. Sorry fellas! No screwing on a motorcycle for me!
Best Sex: It’s always with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for so long that he knows exactly what I want and how I want it. And we like to mix it up by bringing a girl home every now and then.
Favorite Position: Doggie, with one of my boyfriend’s hands slapping my ass and the other pulling my hair. I’m getting wet just thinking about it.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: You’re one of the very few Indian starlets out there…is there any pressure to set an example?

SUNNY: Ha ha…none at all. The only pressure I get is from my parents. They’re pretty traditional. They’re not very happy with what I’m doing, but they are supportive. I keep reminding them that I’ll be a nurse before they know it and that usually calms them down.

HUSTLER: What’s been your favorite experience so far?

SUNNY: Going to Miami and interviewing celebrities for the MTV India Music awards on the red carpet. I spoke to everyone from Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas to the Doggfather himself, Snoop Dogg. What a crazy trip that was!

Tags: Political Commentary by Walrus
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Land of the free, home of the brave or does it go land of the brave, home of the free. It really doesn’t fucking matter because it definately does not describe our country any more any way. I mean that with no fucking disrespect for those poor bastards fighting in Iraq, Afgahnistan or simply a part of our fucked up military machine. I mean that the folks back home, the ones you need to count on, are a bunch of fucking pussies and we’ve become about as far away from being fucking free as our ancestors were when the country still belonged to England

But we have no more hero’s to dump tea into the Boston harbor. No more Paul Revere and his midnight ride.

I know, your thinking "what you talking bout Willis". So here the fuck goes.

Do you really fucking think you have a choice for President? Do you really subscribe to the fucking notion that you fucking vote counts? Maybe it would if there really were any fucking choices but, personally, I refuse to be relegated to the notion of voting for the "lesser of two evils" theory. Fucking evil is fucking evil! Besides, the sheepherders have already pre-ordained our next President, Barrack Obama, the Manchurian Candidate (don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about again… watch the fucking movie!) and all they now need to do is shepard all of you fuckers into voting booths to do their bidding. Obama is set with all the fucking money he needs (thanks to those $2.00 contributions to his website .. note the sarcasm?) to bombard you with brainwashing ads but he also gains in that there really is no one fucking running against him. Day by fucking day McCain is looking and sounding more and more like a Bush wanna be and even the libertarians have absolutely fucking nothing to offer other than a fucker who couldn’t make it as a republican because he is so fucking far right no reasonable person would send a vote his way. Oh and I consider myself a libertarian.

Home of the free? We are fucking having our freedoms stripped from us more and more every fucking day and while it had begun even before 9/11, the one thing that fucking arab asshole did was scare most of you fucking sheep into giving up your personal freedoms for security. Even though many of the changes that are happening have absolutely nothing to do with your security and every fucking thing to do with removing personal freedoms.

Here in LA, every fucking day you’ve got cops getting on commuter trains with dogs. Great, that should make you feel safe, right? I mean they are checking for bombs, aren’t they. Nope, these are dope sniffing dogs not bomb sniffers. I know some of you more rightous people out there are thinking great, they are ridding society of more drug addicts. But that comes at the cost of giving up your right to unlawful search and seizure.

Second, I seriously doubt any intelligent fucking terrorist would think that blowing up a commuter train in LA would cause much alarm. Fuck other than the 100 people you might kill and injure most people would have forgotten about it a day later. See her in LA, a fucked up commuter train wouldn’t affect too many lives. Now fuck up the freeway system…and your causing some intense hurt.

But really the government for years has been deciding what a grown thinking man can and can not do. They have been slowly eating away at your personal freedoms and you fucking sheep have been sitting back letting it happen. Some of you even applauding it because what you’ve never fucking bothered to learn in your miserable existance is that as they eat more and more of your personal freedoms it becomes easier and easier for them to continue to do it. Hell the fucking government has told you bigger lies about the dangers of cigarette’s than the tobacco company ever fucking dreamed of and now there are people scared to fucking death that a single breath of second hand cigarette smoke will doom them to a cancerous death.

Sadly, we’ve become the home of the sheep and the land of the pussies.

Babe for the Post
Tera Patrick | Tera Tera Tera

Tera Patrick, easily the world’s hottest adult actress. Since 1999 this half-Thai and half-English goddess has been lighting up the small screen in such porn classics as Forbidden Tales, Island Fever #3 and Tera Tera Tera.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Brown,
Bust: 36 D,
Waist: 25,
Hips: 36,
Height: 5′9",
Weight: 120 lbs
Age: 29
Birthplace: Great Falls, Montana

Biography:

Favorite Movie: I hate to self-promote, but “Tera Tera Tera” It was the first movie that my husband [Evan Seinfeld] and I made together so it holds a special place in my heart and in our bedroom.

Favorite Song: Any song that has a screeching guitar solo. I don’t know what it is, but something about the way it sounds just hits me in a way that gets me excited and ready to be a bad girl.

Favorite Food: Spaghetti. I guess it’s because all the slurping reminds me of something…I wonder what?

Likes: I like a man who is aggressive. I am very submissive when it comes to satisfying men’s desires. I like a guy who knows how to have really hard sex, but then knows how to make love also.

Dislikes: I’m not very fond of bad hygiene, dirty shoes and small penises.

Ambitions: There’s so much on the horizon, I don’t know where to begin! I have a new line of sex toys coming out. I’m working on a book. I’m working on a reality show called, “Rock Star, Porn Star” about my an Evan’s life. And I’m still doing appearances around the country. I’m a busy girl!
Best Place to Fuck: This is going to sound lame, but I love fucking in my own bed. I’m big into being comfortable when I’m with my man and, to me, there’s no better place than my California King

Best Sex: Anytime I’m with Evan it’s absolutely mind-blowing. He knows just what I want: how to talk to me, where to touch me, where to lick me, when to fuck my brains out, when to make love to me. I loved sex before, but meeting him opened up an entire new world of personal sexuality. Everything about him is sexy. Just the thought of him inside me makes me want to call him and invite him over right now.

Favorite Position: Oh God, I’m sounding so lame again…but I really like the good ol’ missionary position. I like being able to look into Evan’s eyes.

Questions & Answers:
HUSTLER: Since you’ve become monogamous with Evan, do you miss being with other guys?
TERA: Believe it or not, I don’t. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with him. Anyway, we keep things interesting. A little experimenting never hurt anyone and in our case it’s only made us stronger.

HUSTLER: Other than Biohazard, who’s in your CD player right now?
TERA: Oh Gosh…I really like the new Avenge Sevenfold CD. They’re a throwback to the time when metal was all about sex and drugs. We need more bands that really know how to rock!

Damn, definately my type of bitch! See more at Hustler

Tags: Political Commentary by Walrus
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I hope y’all had a good fucking 4th of July weekend. Personally I had no fucking plans so when the fucking neighbors invited me over for a 4th BBQ and I figured what the fuck. I’d go over, play nice, eat some BBQ and then make an excuse early and call it a fucking night.

I recognized a few others there from the our fucked up neighborhood and they had also fucking invited a few of the boring asses they fucking work with. I was the only fucking single dude at the party so I saw no need to hang around. My plans started changing as soon as I met one of the ladies from my neighbors office. She was married with a kid about 5, cute and came off as very flirtatous and possibly looking to have a little more fucking fun than just sitting around shooting the shit with the other fucking soccer mom’s while all the husbands compared their dicks and tried to figure out who could actually piss the farthest.

It can always be kind of a pain to cut the hot one out of the herd. The herd always wants to fucking pull them back in and the husbands seem to get a little concerned when the single guy pays too much fucking attention to their bitch. So the game starts with coincidental meetings in the kitchen, getting beers and what nots and then as everyone starts getting a little drunker finding the times for longer alone time while everyone else is too busy enjoying the buzz.

It took very little fucking flirting time before she made it perfectly clear to me that she would love to steal a few moments away for some purely adult time. We played most of the afternoon playing grab ass, clandestine meetings by the bathroom where we could do stupid kid shit like make out and cop a good feel or two. I knew we’d be doing it and I knew that the best time would be during the fucking fireworks display.

I’m going to spare you fucks the details of fucking the neighbors wife’s best friend on her bed and leaving her fuck hole filled to the brim with my man milk but I will say it must have been the best fucking sex the bitch had as she wanted to know if we could get together on a regular basis. Want to blast me ego, do like this bitch did and tell me she needs to have more of my cock.

Babe for the Post
Veronica Saint | This Saint’s a Winner

With her natural, girl-next-door good looks—and hailing from America’s Heartland to boot—Veronica Saint is the perfect choice for Valentine’s Day eye candy. “Being on the cover of HUSTLER is a dream come true!” proclaims the delectable 22-year-old. When Veronica is feeling romantic, who’s gonna sweep the babe off her feet? “I love the typical bad-boy rock ’n’ roller types,” she admits. “A dude covered in tattoos makes my pussy extra-wet. That doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally do a suit-and-tie guy. I’m not big on pickup lines, but I go crazy over someone who has strong body language and knows how to undress me with his eyes. My eyes are sexy, and I use them as a weapon.” Does the sweetheart go crazy for girls too? “Not yet,” she coos, “but I want to give it a try.” Meanwhile, Veronica’s ultimate sexual fantasy remains unfulfilled. “I want a tall and buff Native American man with long hair to drag me into the woods, where he would tie me to a tree and fuck me hard. He would then leave me all spent and dripping with sweat.” Whoa, Tonto! In the future, Veronica has big plans: “I’m going to create my own cosmetics line, maybe even a fragrance. Right now I’m finishing up my college degree and plan to get a master’s in English, then write a book or two. I’m very ambitious and full of great ideas, so the world is open to me.” Finally, Veronica offers a personal Valentine’s Day greeting to HUSTLER readers: “This is my gift to you, and I really hope you enjoy my pictures. Love you, guys!”

Statistics:
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Bust: 34C

Waist:26

Hips: 37

Height: 5′7”

Weight: 118

Biography:
Birthplace: Elmhurst, Illinois
Age: 22
Favorite Movie: Goodfellas! I absolutely love mobster movies and Scorcese!
Favorite Song: I’m really into the new Arcare Fire record. It’s called, "Neon Bible". It’s about hope, redemption, loss, growth…what it means to be human.
Favorite Food: Chinese food.
Likes: Working out, shopping, playing with my two puppies.
Dislikes: Housekeeping. I can’t remember the last time I picked up a broom or a mop. That’s what boyfriends are for!
Ambitions: I want to marry the man of my dreams and have a bunch of kids. Nothing too terrible exciting.
Best Place to Fuck: On set. There’s something really freeing about screwing in front of a room full of strangers. I can get wild.
Best Sex: Anytime I care about my partner. The sex can be bad–well, not THAT bad–and it’ll still feel good to me.
Favorite Position: I like getting good and fucked in the missionary position.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What’s your type?
SAINT: I love the typical bad-boy rock ‘n’ roller types. A dude covered in tattoos makes my pussy extra wet.

HUSTLER: Did you do anything special for Valentine’s Day?
SAINT: Nothing special. Got too drunk and fucked my brains out.

Damn, definately my type of bitch! See more at Hustler

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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Normally I’m not a fucking rumor mongor nor do I believe in airing ones dirty fucking laundry in public, especially when it comes to a fucking business where most people figure every fucking person in it is dirty anyway. But since that fucking bitch, Raven, herself decided to go public with this "you tube" video, I figured it would be cool to just fill everyone in on the shit.

Now if your want to hear the other side of the fucking story, you’ll have to forgo the fucking video as I quote from the fucking Xbiz article.

Leach asserts that Riley came to him in late March and stated that she didn’t want to be Raven Riley anymore. “She was tired of the business and wanted to change her phone number so no one from the industry could contact her,” Leach said. Riley’s number was changed April 9, at her request, and was used until it was turned off June 9, according to Leach.

Now as any of us smart fucking people know this is just like a fucking divorce, you can’t fucking believe everything that he says or everything that she says. Somewhere in the middle of all the fucking crap, all the fucking lies is the mother fucking truth but you can bet for sure that this is going to fucking be more like a celebrety break-up as opposed to your fucking meaningless little divorce and at some point the name calling and dirty fucking secrets are bound to come out.

Since I know you all are fucking wondering who the fuck I’m talking about, I figured I’d post a little sexier side of Raven just to refresh you all to fragile of fucking memories. Also, I’ve been personally assured that the site owns enough content to stay fresh for at least another year or so. If you really gotta have more of this fucking slut, go for it. You won’t get burned!

And no, posting this little dab of porn does not constitute the nude of the post so enjoy that too!!!

Meka Mulan- Nude for the Post

Chicago, IL

AGE: 26 HAIR COLOR: Blonde HEIGHT: 5ft 6in WEIGHT: 105 BREAST: 34C MEASUREMENTS: 34C-24-34

Playboys Sexy Wives Meka is woman of many loves. She prefers grilled cheese and ham sandwiches, sushi, happy hour, Chicago house music,  and photography. Her hobbies include boating, yoga, hiking, traveling abroad and dancing. To learn more about Meka check out the interview in the members area. At least check out her hot fucking photo gallery

Tags: Porn Shit by Walrus
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How many fucking married dudes are sitting out there getting ready to fucking read the wisdom that is The Walrus? I’ll fucking warn you right fucking now you may want to skip what the fuck I’m about to say and get right to the nude of the post. Otherwise you may have to face a fucking ugly truth that you may not be prepared to face.

Do you have a "guys night out" and your fucking wife have a "girls night out"? You probably figure her night out is just as fucking innocent as yours. I mean, I know what your doing. You and the buds probably head out to some fucking place where you can watch the fucking game, shoot some pool and get drunk. Then, after drinking plenty some of the buds split and the rest of you head for the local strip club where you give plenty of cute bitchs some cash to rub their shit all over you.

While your out doing that, wonder what your fucking wife is upto? Her and her little bitch friends, well their night starts out pretty much like the fucking bitchs in sex and the city. You know a little place with some apetizers and plenty of alcohol. Sitting oogling the guys as they walk by and talking about how bored their fucking little lives have become or even worse, how fucking boring their sex lives have become and when they get ready to move on, they move to somewhere to relieve their boredom

Here is where assholes like me come in. I personally like to catch the group just before they are getting ready to leave and pick the weak one out of the herd. There is always at least one that is just a little drunker than the rest or perhaps a little lonlier than the rest and is just waiting for someone to start paying a little attention to her and I do. Usually it starts with a little look (just catching her eye), a wink, a accidental meeting (ya right) on the way to or from the bathroom. Maybe the meeting happens when she comes to the bar to get another drink but I can fucking garauntee that the meeting will occur and after a few fucking minutes of flattering conversation and a couple comments to make her laugh, the seperation process has begun.

Now I’ll be honest, I love fucking married women. I don’t want anything long term or any fucking bitch who is going to be panting after me constantly. I’m looking for bored bitchs just wanting to fucking add a little something to their mundane life and if they want to become a regular fuck buddy, all the fucking better and while the bitch is going to want to share all the fucking moments with her friends, she’s also going to want to keep whats happening as big a secret as possible.

Anyway, once you create a little seperation, you work on one of two strategies. Stragegy one, get her to stay behind. Strategy two, have her tell you where her and the friends are headed. Either way things end pretty much the same way. A couple stiff drinks (perhaps I’ll share my secret drink that fucks a woman up but she loves) and it’s time to take her for a little walk. Within 5 minutes I’ll have my hand down her pants and within no time your fucking wife will be on her knee’s swallowing as much of my cock as she can and then bent over and fucked like she hasn’t been in a very long time and when I’m ready to finish I’ll be coating that sacred wedding ring she wears with my cum.

She’ll come home, drunk on her ass, well fucked and ready to go to sleep. For you, she won’t be in the mood and the next time you do get the chance for a little, she’ll be remembering our time in the fucking parking lot and not even thinking about you. Don’t worry, no need for you to get her off, after your done and asleep, she’ll be in the bathroom, thinking about how good it felt having a real man’s cock ramming her hole and rubbing her clit for all it’s worth.

Odds are, I’ve fucked your wife and she still thinks about that time more often than any moment you’ve spent with her.

Christine Stevens- Nude for the Post

Christine is a walk-a-holic
Christine Stevens
Waconia, MN
SPECS:
AGE: 30
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT:5ft 6in
WEIGHT:113 lb
BREASTS: 34DD
MEASUREMENTS: 34DD-24-34
Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Christine is a walk-a-holic. She comes from Minnesota and loves the lakes there. She is also into ice fishing and playing in the sun. Her ambition is to become a world famous landlord. To learn more about this northern gal take a gander at her interview video. Learn more about Christine at Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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There has been a bunch of idiotic shit going on in the sports world lately and since I haven’t fucking been getting out enough lately to find shit that really pisses me off, I figured now would be a good time to document some of the stupidity.

Due to the fucking Kobe rap a couple of days ago, Shaq has lost his fucked up plastic Arizona sheriffs badge. Seems old Sheriff Joe was offended by his usage of colorful language. Get a fucking life! First, it’s not like Shaq was performing somewhere that he could have expected the taping. Second, he was rapping, what fucking rap song doesn’t have a little colorful language and finally asking Kobe how his ass tastes. This wasn’t a "tongue in cheek" comment just some good fucking natured teasing. Sheriff Joe just needs to realize he’s a fucking fossil and the usage of the English language is a bit different today from the life he lives in.

My buddy, Don Imus, is at it again but it seems that this time there will be no disciplanary action. In case you live under a fucking rock, here is what was said:

Don, old buddy, just admit it you are a fucking racist. I know you now have a new, racially sensative crew but what the fuck does that mean other than your a fucking racist. Otherwise, you or no one would give a rats ass about your crew. The point that everyone spends time explaining that you are now more racially sensative tends to prove my fucking point. As far as Pacman Jones…save your prayers, your going to need them because I have absolutely no doubt that you will find yourself in trouble with the NFL again, even though I really think thats all been way over blown as well.

Speaking of idiots in the NFL how about ex-running back Cedric Benson. He had most of us in his fucking hand with the drunken boating incident. I was personally convinced that he was being picked on. But then, while this is still lingering on, a drunk driving incident….now I ain’t a stupid fuck. Me thinks you fucked up twice.

Zusanna- Nude for the Post

Zusanna | Natural Wonder

Whenever one of our nifty photographers heads abroad to scout out fresh new talent, we here at HUSTLER wait with bated breath. As you can see, our latest find was worth the wait. An all-natural beauty, Zusanna comes to us from the Czech Republic. Now, we know what you’re thinking: Did they say “all natural”? Come on! Yes, the Eurodoll swears that her monstrous mammaries are 100% genuine. “They are all real!” Zusanna exclaims. “No implants. I’m just lucky to have big, juicy boobies.” No, sweetheart, we get to see them in all their glory. That makes us the lucky ones.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Bust: 32” DD
Waist: 24”
Hips: 32”
Height: 5′6"
Weight: 105 lbs

Biography:
Birthplace: Czech Republic
Age: 25
Favorite Movie: “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” I would love to get my hands on a virgin and fuck him ‘til sunrise!
Favorite Song: “Like a Virgin,” by Madonna. Like I said, I love virgins.
Favorite Food: Fish Tacos and beer. It’s a good snack after sex. I love good food and good sex!
Likes: Posing nude, beaches and interesting people.
Dislikes: Cold weather, traffic and bad sex.
Ambitions: Since being in America, I have enjoyed myself very much. Especially posing for Hustler magazine! At home, I am a very serious businesswoman and showing off my naked body feels so liberating. When the photographer was shooting close ups of my pussy it started to gush because I got so horny thinking about all the men who will be stroking their stiff cocks from looking at my body. I was born with a tight body made to please my men! Best Place to Fuck: On a California beach with a hot, young surfer.
Best Place to Fuck: placesjjj
Best Sex: During my lunch break I was feeling really horny and I couldn’t control myself. Everyone in the office was out to lunch and I was all alone-or so I thought. I shut my door and slid my fingers down my satin panties and started rubbing my moist clit. I was in another world because I didn’t even hear the new temp walk in! He caught me! I was embarrassed at first until he unzipped his trousers and asked if he could join me for lunch. He shoved his tongue up my fuckhole and gave me multiple orgasms until I couldn’t take anymore. He was the best temp I ever hired.
Favorite Position: I like to be on top. I’m wild and I need to be in control.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What turns you on?
SUZANNA: There are a lot of things that can turn me on. If I were a man, I would have a hard cock 24/7! My pussy is always wet. I wake up every morning thinking of a stiff prick rubbing against my clit. My hand makes its way down my stomach and into my pussy and I finger fuck myself until I come all over my hand. Then I get up, go to work, fantasize about more sex and come home and fuck myself before I fall asleep. I am a very naughty girl…

HUSTLER: Are you into women, too?
SUZANNA: Mmmm…Definitely! Who wouldn’t want to taste a little pussy now and then? Women taste so sweet and salty, like a French dessert. My favorite night of fun is to have a fat cock sliding in and out of my tight slit while a hard-bodied blonde is riding my face with her mound. I am a businesswoman and I am very good at multi-tasking. There is no woman that I couldn’t handle.

Tags: Sports Commentary by Walrus
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