Chasing the Walrus

Feeling a bit better this evening. Probably because of two things. One, I’m sober. Even though I was extremely tempted I bypassed the bar tonight and came home from the day job to spend time with the old website development. The second, I’ve got a evening out with a hot but mature woman setup for tomorrow so odds are I’ll be doing one of my favorite things, squirting man milk all over her wedding rings.

Don’t typically do the mature chicks, although if she had kids I’d probably class her as a MILF rather than mature but either way her age puts her a little outside of my normal demographics. My preference is late twenties to mid thirties and she’s probably somewhere in the mid forty range. But she is hot or at least cute or maybe just willing. Sometimes its hard to tell, especially when I’ve been depressed like I’ve been. Usually getting laid is kind of like second nature but with this fucking depression it’s been really hard to get myself into that charming Libra personality.

Besides I’ve probably gained about 50 lbs while I’ve been in this funk. This spilling your guts shit on the world wide web when you know no one is listening, cause no one visits this place much yet, does seem to be having a very positive affect. I posted on my other blog this moring (its pure adult) and I am enjoying doing this tonight. Now if I can loose the beer and bread fat, get the waist back down and get a little excercise I may just kick this shit.

But enough, I doubt I’ll post tomorrow evening, I should be much too busy getting busy but I should bore you with all the nasty little details on Wednesday. Until then, I should post a picture of one of the hot fucking Hustler bitchs for you to enjoy as you and Rosie palm get busy.

Shyra Sheer | Open My Box

Real estate appraiser and porn star isn’t a combination you see very often, but we’ve found a 21-year-old hottie pursuing those two divergent careers. “I treat both occupations professionally,” Shyra says. “I want to give all I have and do the best work possible. The real estate gig is a family business owned and run by my mom and dad that always provides a steady paycheck.” How did such a seemingly straitlaced gal get into the adult biz? “Ever since I was 15,” Shyra explains, “I’ve been doing lingerie and swimsuit modeling, and when I turned 18, I started doing topless. At 19 I had a chance to go nude, and I thought, Why not? The offer to do a porn flick followed soon after. I figured I might as well try it. I’m one of those people who believe you have to try everything at least once in order to have an opinion about it.” Does Shyra’s family know that she moonlights as a XXX actress? “They do,” the curvy Coloradoan confides. “Everyone’s pretty cool about it, although my parents don’t like to talk about it.” But their lovely daughter is eager to talk about her sex life. “I like girls,” she coos, “but I love guys! When I date, I need a guy who is totally open, and there is nothing sexier than bringing in other people. When I’m alone with a guy, I love being done doggy. Like most girls I know, it’s my favorite position too!” Not surprisingly, the breathtaking blonde is also rambunctious. “I think the craziest thing I’ve ever done was having sex in a dressing room of a retail store while I was working,” Shyra recalls. “It was okay, though, because I was on a break at the time.” Besides getting down and dirty in front of the camera or with a lover, this dreamgirl has another outlet for shaking her pretty ass. “I am a professional dancer,” Shyra proclaims, “not a stripper! I direct the cheer squad for the Denver Titans [her hometown’s semipro football team], and I used to be the dance captain of the Colorado Crest too. I really love dancing.” When not selling houses, doing a bang-up job in hard-core flicks or waving pom-poms, Shyra opts for low-key escapes. “I love spending time with my family and friends,” she says, “just chilling. Barbecues, picnics and house parties are the best.” How does Shyra feel about gracing the front cover and centerfold of our latest Holiday Issue? “I think it’s just perfect!” she exclaims. “I love the holidays. They are easily my favorite time of the year. You get nice gifts, and being a HUSTLER covergirl is the second-greatest gift I’ve ever received.” Second best?! “Okay,” Shyra relents. “Being on the cover of HUSTLER is the number one best gift!” What does our holiday treat want for Christmas this year? “I would like to see my sister,” Shyra says. “She is my heart and my soul. I would love to be closer to her. So the best gift would be for me to be able to move my sister and her son nearer to me.”

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde, Eyes: Blue, Bust: 34D, Waist:24, Hips: 36, Height: 5′5”, Weight: 120

Biography:
Birthplace: Denver, Colorado
Age: 22
Favorite Movie: Anything with Muppets! For some reason I love those silly things.
Favorite Song: I’ve been listneing to My Chemical Romance’s "Black Parade" constantly since I got it.
Favorite Food: I absolutely loooooove desserts. I’d rather just skip out on dinner altogether. My favorite’s applie pie a la mode.
Likes: I’m such a girl! I like the typical things: shopping, going tanning, gossiping about sex and boys!
Dislikes: I really hate arrogant jerks! My most recent ex-boyfriend is one.
Ambitions: I want to do so much in porn, but I really admire Jenna Jameson. I plan on having an empire like her’s one day.
Best Place to Fuck: Next to a fireplace. There’s something about the crackling wood and added heat that just makes me want to fuck all night.
Best Sex: Anytime I’m pissed off. ESPECIALLY right after a fight with a boyfriend. It’s almost aggressive and animalistic.
Favorite Position: It depends on my mood, but lately I’ve been a big fan of cowgirl. I like being in control these days.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: Since you’re our Holiday centerfold, any special insights into the Holiday season?

SHYRA: If you’re in a relationship, make sure you get your girlfriend something! Even if she says she doesn’t want anything, don’t believe her. Trust me. And make sure to call your mom.

HUSTLER: Have you been naughty this year?

SHYRA: I don’t know if I’ve been naughty or nice. I’m going to have to let Santa decide for himself on Christmas eve. And if he says I’m naughty, I’m just going to have to show him why.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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Land of the free, home of the brave or does it go land of the brave, home of the free. It really doesn’t fucking matter because it definately does not describe our country any more any way. I mean that with no fucking disrespect for those poor bastards fighting in Iraq, Afgahnistan or simply a part of our fucked up military machine. I mean that the folks back home, the ones you need to count on, are a bunch of fucking pussies and we’ve become about as far away from being fucking free as our ancestors were when the country still belonged to England

But we have no more hero’s to dump tea into the Boston harbor. No more Paul Revere and his midnight ride.

I know, your thinking "what you talking bout Willis". So here the fuck goes.

Do you really fucking think you have a choice for President? Do you really subscribe to the fucking notion that you fucking vote counts? Maybe it would if there really were any fucking choices but, personally, I refuse to be relegated to the notion of voting for the "lesser of two evils" theory. Fucking evil is fucking evil! Besides, the sheepherders have already pre-ordained our next President, Barrack Obama, the Manchurian Candidate (don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about again… watch the fucking movie!) and all they now need to do is shepard all of you fuckers into voting booths to do their bidding. Obama is set with all the fucking money he needs (thanks to those $2.00 contributions to his website .. note the sarcasm?) to bombard you with brainwashing ads but he also gains in that there really is no one fucking running against him. Day by fucking day McCain is looking and sounding more and more like a Bush wanna be and even the libertarians have absolutely fucking nothing to offer other than a fucker who couldn’t make it as a republican because he is so fucking far right no reasonable person would send a vote his way. Oh and I consider myself a libertarian.

Home of the free? We are fucking having our freedoms stripped from us more and more every fucking day and while it had begun even before 9/11, the one thing that fucking arab asshole did was scare most of you fucking sheep into giving up your personal freedoms for security. Even though many of the changes that are happening have absolutely nothing to do with your security and every fucking thing to do with removing personal freedoms.

Here in LA, every fucking day you’ve got cops getting on commuter trains with dogs. Great, that should make you feel safe, right? I mean they are checking for bombs, aren’t they. Nope, these are dope sniffing dogs not bomb sniffers. I know some of you more rightous people out there are thinking great, they are ridding society of more drug addicts. But that comes at the cost of giving up your right to unlawful search and seizure.

Second, I seriously doubt any intelligent fucking terrorist would think that blowing up a commuter train in LA would cause much alarm. Fuck other than the 100 people you might kill and injure most people would have forgotten about it a day later. See her in LA, a fucked up commuter train wouldn’t affect too many lives. Now fuck up the freeway system…and your causing some intense hurt.

But really the government for years has been deciding what a grown thinking man can and can not do. They have been slowly eating away at your personal freedoms and you fucking sheep have been sitting back letting it happen. Some of you even applauding it because what you’ve never fucking bothered to learn in your miserable existance is that as they eat more and more of your personal freedoms it becomes easier and easier for them to continue to do it. Hell the fucking government has told you bigger lies about the dangers of cigarette’s than the tobacco company ever fucking dreamed of and now there are people scared to fucking death that a single breath of second hand cigarette smoke will doom them to a cancerous death.

Sadly, we’ve become the home of the sheep and the land of the pussies.

Babe for the Post
Tera Patrick | Tera Tera Tera

Tera Patrick, easily the world’s hottest adult actress. Since 1999 this half-Thai and half-English goddess has been lighting up the small screen in such porn classics as Forbidden Tales, Island Fever #3 and Tera Tera Tera.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Brown,
Bust: 36 D,
Waist: 25,
Hips: 36,
Height: 5′9",
Weight: 120 lbs
Age: 29
Birthplace: Great Falls, Montana

Biography:

Favorite Movie: I hate to self-promote, but “Tera Tera Tera” It was the first movie that my husband [Evan Seinfeld] and I made together so it holds a special place in my heart and in our bedroom.

Favorite Song: Any song that has a screeching guitar solo. I don’t know what it is, but something about the way it sounds just hits me in a way that gets me excited and ready to be a bad girl.

Favorite Food: Spaghetti. I guess it’s because all the slurping reminds me of something…I wonder what?

Likes: I like a man who is aggressive. I am very submissive when it comes to satisfying men’s desires. I like a guy who knows how to have really hard sex, but then knows how to make love also.

Dislikes: I’m not very fond of bad hygiene, dirty shoes and small penises.

Ambitions: There’s so much on the horizon, I don’t know where to begin! I have a new line of sex toys coming out. I’m working on a book. I’m working on a reality show called, “Rock Star, Porn Star” about my an Evan’s life. And I’m still doing appearances around the country. I’m a busy girl!
Best Place to Fuck: This is going to sound lame, but I love fucking in my own bed. I’m big into being comfortable when I’m with my man and, to me, there’s no better place than my California King

Best Sex: Anytime I’m with Evan it’s absolutely mind-blowing. He knows just what I want: how to talk to me, where to touch me, where to lick me, when to fuck my brains out, when to make love to me. I loved sex before, but meeting him opened up an entire new world of personal sexuality. Everything about him is sexy. Just the thought of him inside me makes me want to call him and invite him over right now.

Favorite Position: Oh God, I’m sounding so lame again…but I really like the good ol’ missionary position. I like being able to look into Evan’s eyes.

Questions & Answers:
HUSTLER: Since you’ve become monogamous with Evan, do you miss being with other guys?
TERA: Believe it or not, I don’t. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with him. Anyway, we keep things interesting. A little experimenting never hurt anyone and in our case it’s only made us stronger.

HUSTLER: Other than Biohazard, who’s in your CD player right now?
TERA: Oh Gosh…I really like the new Avenge Sevenfold CD. They’re a throwback to the time when metal was all about sex and drugs. We need more bands that really know how to rock!

Damn, definately my type of bitch! See more at Hustler

Tags: Political Commentary by Walrus
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How many fucking married dudes are sitting out there getting ready to fucking read the wisdom that is The Walrus? I’ll fucking warn you right fucking now you may want to skip what the fuck I’m about to say and get right to the nude of the post. Otherwise you may have to face a fucking ugly truth that you may not be prepared to face.

Do you have a "guys night out" and your fucking wife have a "girls night out"? You probably figure her night out is just as fucking innocent as yours. I mean, I know what your doing. You and the buds probably head out to some fucking place where you can watch the fucking game, shoot some pool and get drunk. Then, after drinking plenty some of the buds split and the rest of you head for the local strip club where you give plenty of cute bitchs some cash to rub their shit all over you.

While your out doing that, wonder what your fucking wife is upto? Her and her little bitch friends, well their night starts out pretty much like the fucking bitchs in sex and the city. You know a little place with some apetizers and plenty of alcohol. Sitting oogling the guys as they walk by and talking about how bored their fucking little lives have become or even worse, how fucking boring their sex lives have become and when they get ready to move on, they move to somewhere to relieve their boredom

Here is where assholes like me come in. I personally like to catch the group just before they are getting ready to leave and pick the weak one out of the herd. There is always at least one that is just a little drunker than the rest or perhaps a little lonlier than the rest and is just waiting for someone to start paying a little attention to her and I do. Usually it starts with a little look (just catching her eye), a wink, a accidental meeting (ya right) on the way to or from the bathroom. Maybe the meeting happens when she comes to the bar to get another drink but I can fucking garauntee that the meeting will occur and after a few fucking minutes of flattering conversation and a couple comments to make her laugh, the seperation process has begun.

Now I’ll be honest, I love fucking married women. I don’t want anything long term or any fucking bitch who is going to be panting after me constantly. I’m looking for bored bitchs just wanting to fucking add a little something to their mundane life and if they want to become a regular fuck buddy, all the fucking better and while the bitch is going to want to share all the fucking moments with her friends, she’s also going to want to keep whats happening as big a secret as possible.

Anyway, once you create a little seperation, you work on one of two strategies. Stragegy one, get her to stay behind. Strategy two, have her tell you where her and the friends are headed. Either way things end pretty much the same way. A couple stiff drinks (perhaps I’ll share my secret drink that fucks a woman up but she loves) and it’s time to take her for a little walk. Within 5 minutes I’ll have my hand down her pants and within no time your fucking wife will be on her knee’s swallowing as much of my cock as she can and then bent over and fucked like she hasn’t been in a very long time and when I’m ready to finish I’ll be coating that sacred wedding ring she wears with my cum.

She’ll come home, drunk on her ass, well fucked and ready to go to sleep. For you, she won’t be in the mood and the next time you do get the chance for a little, she’ll be remembering our time in the fucking parking lot and not even thinking about you. Don’t worry, no need for you to get her off, after your done and asleep, she’ll be in the bathroom, thinking about how good it felt having a real man’s cock ramming her hole and rubbing her clit for all it’s worth.

Odds are, I’ve fucked your wife and she still thinks about that time more often than any moment you’ve spent with her.

Christine Stevens- Nude for the Post

Christine is a walk-a-holic
Christine Stevens
Waconia, MN
SPECS:
AGE: 30
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT:5ft 6in
WEIGHT:113 lb
BREASTS: 34DD
MEASUREMENTS: 34DD-24-34
Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Christine is a walk-a-holic. She comes from Minnesota and loves the lakes there. She is also into ice fishing and playing in the sun. Her ambition is to become a world famous landlord. To learn more about this northern gal take a gander at her interview video. Learn more about Christine at Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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