Chasing the Walrus

There’s been some really fucking wierd shit in the news lately. Big Foot has been located. Seems two good ole southern boys found the dead carcus of a big foot. Of course DNA testing results show that one sample is human and the other sample is "coon, So the Walrus will tell you what really fucking happened. Two good ole boys go out into the woods hunting "coon (raccoon to those of you not fucking hip to the southern lingo) and drinking shine. They get lost for two fucking days and on the way back know they’ve got to come up with a fucking story someone might believe. That means the coons keep getting bigger until it’s not coons anymore it’s a big foot. To actually try to convince someone whether it be a wife, a boss, whomever that they didn’t just get drunk and lost in the woods, they buy a gorilla costume or maybe even a big foot costume, stick it in a freezer, snap a couple of pics and story confirmed. But now the big coon hunting tale starts spreading like wild fire. What the fuck they gonna do? Admit that they made this whole fucking thing up of find the one man in the whole country who loves putting on Big Foot hoax. Yep, once you got a whooper like that going best to stick with the story.

Italy is in the news, seems they are cracking the fuck down on crime and have allowed the mayors a little additional latitude when it comes to passing laws. Here just a taste of what now maybe illegal in Italy:

• It could be illegal for you to be in a bikini and not at the beach, especially if your in Capri
• Building sandcastles is forbidden
• No mowing of the lawn on weekends
• No public displays of affection while in a car (I wonder is public displays of affection allowed if your on the sidewalk?)
• No groups larger than two allowed to be relaxing in the park at night (are public displays of affection allowed if the group is less than or equal to two?)
• and definately no reading of books in the park

Reminds me of home here in California where in some area’s they want to outlaw the building of any additional fast food restaurants. It seems McDonalds is the blame for the country getting fatter. Me, its not Mickey D’s fault but I’m sure I can find someone to blame. Or the fact that people have told so many lies about the dangers of second hand smoke it’s now illegal in some area’s to smoke in the apartment your rent. You know someone might walk by the room, catch just a sniff of the odor and drop dead on the spot with cancer. I will save my rant on how the anti-smoking movement has told more fucking lies than the tabacco companies ever have for another day.

In Colorado a cow and a bear were getting a little frisky with each other. Thank god public displays of affection are allowed in Colorado but then again, I wouldn’t try to arrest a horny bear.

A couple teens in Germany developed a motorized office chair. German police confiscated the chair and are now contemplating possible charges including defying insurance regulations, driving without a license and violating registration requirements

But my pick hit for the dumbest fucking cop in America goes to the Kentucky sheriff who drove 4100 miles to California to pick up a fugative and then drove all the fucking way back to Ky. before he realized he had the wrong guy. All this over a fleeing and evading police and drunken driving warrant. At least when they figured out that they had nabbed the wrong dude, they did buy him a airplane ticket home. Lets just forget the 3-5 days spent in jail waiting for the sheriff to come pick him up and the other three days riding in the back of a police car, in hand cuffs. Sounds like an unlawful imprisonment lawsuit just waiting to happen to me. Of course, the cops blame it on identity theft.

Shyla Stylez | Making Beautiful Music

How did a small-town girl from Canada get into the skin biz? “Well, men have always liked looking at my body,” Shyla remarks, “and I love showing it off. I thought, Why not let everyone see what I have? People have always told me I have a lot of sex appeal. So I flew to Los Angeles and did my first HUSTLER spread. Do you think the readers will like it?” Let’s ask them. Whaddaya think, guys? Shyla is also not shy about discussing her no-holes-barred porn career, which got off to a thunderous start in 2001 with Gangbang Auditions #8. “I took a little break,” the knockout reveals, “but now I’m back shooting films as we speak. I just did a great D.P. scene.” When not seductively stripping down for the camera, Shyla hunkers down on the farm in scenic British Columbia. “I love to read and watch movies at home,” she says. “That doesn’t mean I’m boring. I also love to go bungee-jumping. I’ve done it two times now. All that bouncing up and down gets me wet through my Wranglers. I also like to cook. I’m a master at baking a turkey, and my cheesecakes are to die for.” Before we can ask what fruity toppings adorn her cheesecakes, Shyla exclaims, “Plus, I love to fuck! I’m a very open and dirty girl. I love anything that is erotic and going to take it to the next level. I dig oral, and I love to get banged by a guy in the missionary position while a woman has her pussy in my face.” What does this sweet little missy want to do down the line? “I wouldn’t mind making a living as a musician and a nude model,” Shyla hints. “Maybe I could combine both and be the first naked country star. Like Johnny Cash—only blond and with nice DD boobies!”

Statistics:

Hair: Blonde, Eyes: Green, Bust: 32D, Waist:22, Hips: 32, Height: 5′3”, Weight: 108
Biography:

Birthplace: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 24
Favorite Movie: Fast Times At Ridgemont High. I think it was when Phoebe Cates took off her bikini top I realized I was into chicks.
Favorite Song: "Dear God" by XTC. I get chills everytime I hear the lyrics "I don’t believe in you…"
Favorite Food: There’s nothing I like more than a smoothie from Jamba Juice. And I always get an energy boost with it!
Likes: I love sitting at home and watching television. I’m such a "Lost" fanatic that my friends are a little frightened. And don’t get me started on "Deal or No Deal". I love that show!
Dislikes: While I love Cananda, I really can’t stand the cold weather anymore. I try to visit as infrequently as possible these days because I’ve gotten use to the California sun.
Ambitions: The same answer everyone gives: become a director and start a production company. I know, so clich?.
Best Place to Fuck: Anywhere! If I’m horny enough I’d fuck someone on a pile of trash. I think I just made a few garbagemen really happy.
Best Sex: I shouldn’t encourage this, but I’m a huge fan of drunken, sloppy sex. The booze lets me lose all my inhibitions and go crazy.
Favorite Position: I can only pick one? I’d have to say doggie. I just love getting slammed from behind while getting my ass smacked.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: The bigger the better?

SHYLA: Ha ha ha…I’m no size queen. It all depends on how it’s used. But there IS such a thing as too big.

HUSTLER: What your New Year’s resolution?

SHYLA: Eat less, work out more and have as much sex as possible!

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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No, I haven’t abandoned posting again or slipped even further into being depressed. As far as that goes, I’m probably as good as I have been for a little while. But what has happened between Tuesdays disaster and my posting now would probably push a mere mortal man in that direction.

Thursday I was planning to be a good boy. Got to the train station in time to catch the train and the plan was to come hope and post here and work on a couple of my sites. I can’t remember what it was I had to post about but it seems it was somewhere along the lines of a good old fashioned Walrus rant.

But fucking fate had other plans for me. Seems the metrolink trains were all having problems and all the trains were delayed. My commute schedule really doesn’t handle delays well and not needing much of an excuse to go to the bar anyway the fact that the commute wasn’t going to go as planned was excuse enough.

My bartender buddy, from now on known as the bartender, called in sick so his replacement was the Jack Daniels dude. Now the JD dude likes to do shots of Jack and since he’s buying, how can I say no? Also the bartenders girlfriend, not knowing the bartender had called in sick, stopped by. She’s good people and always a hoot to talk to so I sat drinking Stella’s, Jack on the rocks and a free shot every ten minutes with JD dude. Needless to say, I got fucking plastered.

At some point in the night, the bartenders girlfriend went home and I found myself trying to chat up a fat ugly Indian chick. When I say Indian chick, I mean from India not native american. This chick was coyote ugly. Luckily, whether it was cause I was white, fat, drunk or a combination of all fucking three she had no interest in fucking me. It’s kind of a sad statement, she’d rather sit around the train station all night than let me get my rocks off on her. Worked to my favor, I didn’t have to sit there in the morning, shame all over my face and wonder what the fuck I had done.

The bad news was that instead of going home, I went over to someone who lives close to the train station to spend the night. Sucks having to wear the same cloths two days in a row. Especially without a shower but who the fuck would shower and then put on two day old cloths.

So I went through Friday, hungover, smelly, sweaty, sticky and did I mention hungover. When work was fucking finally over I had no problem coming straight home.

The crazy chick, who I really can’t explain what kind of relationship we have is, was at my place and had been there since Thursday. She knew about my drunken exploits, well sort of, I don’t think I told her about the ugly indian chick. Like I said, can’t really explain our relationship. But she was planning on escaping Friday evening anyway. When I got here, her ride was here and they were fucking around on my laptop.

Unfortunately, the crazy chick has a thing about downloading music from P2P sites which means it’s usually infected with all sorts of nasty spyware shit. Having the computer for 36 hours gave her hope that I wouldn’t notice all the fucking trojans and put 2+2 together. So, the remainder of Friday night was spent trying to clean off all of the fucking crap. Oh, and my service provide, they get upset about this kind of shit so they disabled my service as some point in time.

So, that’s been my life for the last couple days, too much JD, an ugly indian chick and the crazy chick. I’m fucking sure I left something out but it’s too late at night for me to really wonder if this is even fucking worth reading. Time to move to the Babe of the Post!

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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Feeling a bit better this evening. Probably because of two things. One, I’m sober. Even though I was extremely tempted I bypassed the bar tonight and came home from the day job to spend time with the old website development. The second, I’ve got a evening out with a hot but mature woman setup for tomorrow so odds are I’ll be doing one of my favorite things, squirting man milk all over her wedding rings.

Don’t typically do the mature chicks, although if she had kids I’d probably class her as a MILF rather than mature but either way her age puts her a little outside of my normal demographics. My preference is late twenties to mid thirties and she’s probably somewhere in the mid forty range. But she is hot or at least cute or maybe just willing. Sometimes its hard to tell, especially when I’ve been depressed like I’ve been. Usually getting laid is kind of like second nature but with this fucking depression it’s been really hard to get myself into that charming Libra personality.

Besides I’ve probably gained about 50 lbs while I’ve been in this funk. This spilling your guts shit on the world wide web when you know no one is listening, cause no one visits this place much yet, does seem to be having a very positive affect. I posted on my other blog this moring (its pure adult) and I am enjoying doing this tonight. Now if I can loose the beer and bread fat, get the waist back down and get a little excercise I may just kick this shit.

But enough, I doubt I’ll post tomorrow evening, I should be much too busy getting busy but I should bore you with all the nasty little details on Wednesday. Until then, I should post a picture of one of the hot fucking Hustler bitchs for you to enjoy as you and Rosie palm get busy.

Shyra Sheer | Open My Box

Real estate appraiser and porn star isn’t a combination you see very often, but we’ve found a 21-year-old hottie pursuing those two divergent careers. “I treat both occupations professionally,” Shyra says. “I want to give all I have and do the best work possible. The real estate gig is a family business owned and run by my mom and dad that always provides a steady paycheck.” How did such a seemingly straitlaced gal get into the adult biz? “Ever since I was 15,” Shyra explains, “I’ve been doing lingerie and swimsuit modeling, and when I turned 18, I started doing topless. At 19 I had a chance to go nude, and I thought, Why not? The offer to do a porn flick followed soon after. I figured I might as well try it. I’m one of those people who believe you have to try everything at least once in order to have an opinion about it.” Does Shyra’s family know that she moonlights as a XXX actress? “They do,” the curvy Coloradoan confides. “Everyone’s pretty cool about it, although my parents don’t like to talk about it.” But their lovely daughter is eager to talk about her sex life. “I like girls,” she coos, “but I love guys! When I date, I need a guy who is totally open, and there is nothing sexier than bringing in other people. When I’m alone with a guy, I love being done doggy. Like most girls I know, it’s my favorite position too!” Not surprisingly, the breathtaking blonde is also rambunctious. “I think the craziest thing I’ve ever done was having sex in a dressing room of a retail store while I was working,” Shyra recalls. “It was okay, though, because I was on a break at the time.” Besides getting down and dirty in front of the camera or with a lover, this dreamgirl has another outlet for shaking her pretty ass. “I am a professional dancer,” Shyra proclaims, “not a stripper! I direct the cheer squad for the Denver Titans [her hometown’s semipro football team], and I used to be the dance captain of the Colorado Crest too. I really love dancing.” When not selling houses, doing a bang-up job in hard-core flicks or waving pom-poms, Shyra opts for low-key escapes. “I love spending time with my family and friends,” she says, “just chilling. Barbecues, picnics and house parties are the best.” How does Shyra feel about gracing the front cover and centerfold of our latest Holiday Issue? “I think it’s just perfect!” she exclaims. “I love the holidays. They are easily my favorite time of the year. You get nice gifts, and being a HUSTLER covergirl is the second-greatest gift I’ve ever received.” Second best?! “Okay,” Shyra relents. “Being on the cover of HUSTLER is the number one best gift!” What does our holiday treat want for Christmas this year? “I would like to see my sister,” Shyra says. “She is my heart and my soul. I would love to be closer to her. So the best gift would be for me to be able to move my sister and her son nearer to me.”

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde, Eyes: Blue, Bust: 34D, Waist:24, Hips: 36, Height: 5′5”, Weight: 120

Biography:
Birthplace: Denver, Colorado
Age: 22
Favorite Movie: Anything with Muppets! For some reason I love those silly things.
Favorite Song: I’ve been listneing to My Chemical Romance’s "Black Parade" constantly since I got it.
Favorite Food: I absolutely loooooove desserts. I’d rather just skip out on dinner altogether. My favorite’s applie pie a la mode.
Likes: I’m such a girl! I like the typical things: shopping, going tanning, gossiping about sex and boys!
Dislikes: I really hate arrogant jerks! My most recent ex-boyfriend is one.
Ambitions: I want to do so much in porn, but I really admire Jenna Jameson. I plan on having an empire like her’s one day.
Best Place to Fuck: Next to a fireplace. There’s something about the crackling wood and added heat that just makes me want to fuck all night.
Best Sex: Anytime I’m pissed off. ESPECIALLY right after a fight with a boyfriend. It’s almost aggressive and animalistic.
Favorite Position: It depends on my mood, but lately I’ve been a big fan of cowgirl. I like being in control these days.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: Since you’re our Holiday centerfold, any special insights into the Holiday season?

SHYRA: If you’re in a relationship, make sure you get your girlfriend something! Even if she says she doesn’t want anything, don’t believe her. Trust me. And make sure to call your mom.

HUSTLER: Have you been naughty this year?

SHYRA: I don’t know if I’ve been naughty or nice. I’m going to have to let Santa decide for himself on Christmas eve. And if he says I’m naughty, I’m just going to have to show him why.

Tags: Ramblings by Walrus
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Land of the free, home of the brave or does it go land of the brave, home of the free. It really doesn’t fucking matter because it definately does not describe our country any more any way. I mean that with no fucking disrespect for those poor bastards fighting in Iraq, Afgahnistan or simply a part of our fucked up military machine. I mean that the folks back home, the ones you need to count on, are a bunch of fucking pussies and we’ve become about as far away from being fucking free as our ancestors were when the country still belonged to England

But we have no more hero’s to dump tea into the Boston harbor. No more Paul Revere and his midnight ride.

I know, your thinking "what you talking bout Willis". So here the fuck goes.

Do you really fucking think you have a choice for President? Do you really subscribe to the fucking notion that you fucking vote counts? Maybe it would if there really were any fucking choices but, personally, I refuse to be relegated to the notion of voting for the "lesser of two evils" theory. Fucking evil is fucking evil! Besides, the sheepherders have already pre-ordained our next President, Barrack Obama, the Manchurian Candidate (don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about again… watch the fucking movie!) and all they now need to do is shepard all of you fuckers into voting booths to do their bidding. Obama is set with all the fucking money he needs (thanks to those $2.00 contributions to his website .. note the sarcasm?) to bombard you with brainwashing ads but he also gains in that there really is no one fucking running against him. Day by fucking day McCain is looking and sounding more and more like a Bush wanna be and even the libertarians have absolutely fucking nothing to offer other than a fucker who couldn’t make it as a republican because he is so fucking far right no reasonable person would send a vote his way. Oh and I consider myself a libertarian.

Home of the free? We are fucking having our freedoms stripped from us more and more every fucking day and while it had begun even before 9/11, the one thing that fucking arab asshole did was scare most of you fucking sheep into giving up your personal freedoms for security. Even though many of the changes that are happening have absolutely nothing to do with your security and every fucking thing to do with removing personal freedoms.

Here in LA, every fucking day you’ve got cops getting on commuter trains with dogs. Great, that should make you feel safe, right? I mean they are checking for bombs, aren’t they. Nope, these are dope sniffing dogs not bomb sniffers. I know some of you more rightous people out there are thinking great, they are ridding society of more drug addicts. But that comes at the cost of giving up your right to unlawful search and seizure.

Second, I seriously doubt any intelligent fucking terrorist would think that blowing up a commuter train in LA would cause much alarm. Fuck other than the 100 people you might kill and injure most people would have forgotten about it a day later. See her in LA, a fucked up commuter train wouldn’t affect too many lives. Now fuck up the freeway system…and your causing some intense hurt.

But really the government for years has been deciding what a grown thinking man can and can not do. They have been slowly eating away at your personal freedoms and you fucking sheep have been sitting back letting it happen. Some of you even applauding it because what you’ve never fucking bothered to learn in your miserable existance is that as they eat more and more of your personal freedoms it becomes easier and easier for them to continue to do it. Hell the fucking government has told you bigger lies about the dangers of cigarette’s than the tobacco company ever fucking dreamed of and now there are people scared to fucking death that a single breath of second hand cigarette smoke will doom them to a cancerous death.

Sadly, we’ve become the home of the sheep and the land of the pussies.

Babe for the Post
Tera Patrick | Tera Tera Tera

Tera Patrick, easily the world’s hottest adult actress. Since 1999 this half-Thai and half-English goddess has been lighting up the small screen in such porn classics as Forbidden Tales, Island Fever #3 and Tera Tera Tera.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Brown,
Bust: 36 D,
Waist: 25,
Hips: 36,
Height: 5′9",
Weight: 120 lbs
Age: 29
Birthplace: Great Falls, Montana

Biography:

Favorite Movie: I hate to self-promote, but “Tera Tera Tera” It was the first movie that my husband [Evan Seinfeld] and I made together so it holds a special place in my heart and in our bedroom.

Favorite Song: Any song that has a screeching guitar solo. I don’t know what it is, but something about the way it sounds just hits me in a way that gets me excited and ready to be a bad girl.

Favorite Food: Spaghetti. I guess it’s because all the slurping reminds me of something…I wonder what?

Likes: I like a man who is aggressive. I am very submissive when it comes to satisfying men’s desires. I like a guy who knows how to have really hard sex, but then knows how to make love also.

Dislikes: I’m not very fond of bad hygiene, dirty shoes and small penises.

Ambitions: There’s so much on the horizon, I don’t know where to begin! I have a new line of sex toys coming out. I’m working on a book. I’m working on a reality show called, “Rock Star, Porn Star” about my an Evan’s life. And I’m still doing appearances around the country. I’m a busy girl!
Best Place to Fuck: This is going to sound lame, but I love fucking in my own bed. I’m big into being comfortable when I’m with my man and, to me, there’s no better place than my California King

Best Sex: Anytime I’m with Evan it’s absolutely mind-blowing. He knows just what I want: how to talk to me, where to touch me, where to lick me, when to fuck my brains out, when to make love to me. I loved sex before, but meeting him opened up an entire new world of personal sexuality. Everything about him is sexy. Just the thought of him inside me makes me want to call him and invite him over right now.

Favorite Position: Oh God, I’m sounding so lame again…but I really like the good ol’ missionary position. I like being able to look into Evan’s eyes.

Questions & Answers:
HUSTLER: Since you’ve become monogamous with Evan, do you miss being with other guys?
TERA: Believe it or not, I don’t. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with him. Anyway, we keep things interesting. A little experimenting never hurt anyone and in our case it’s only made us stronger.

HUSTLER: Other than Biohazard, who’s in your CD player right now?
TERA: Oh Gosh…I really like the new Avenge Sevenfold CD. They’re a throwback to the time when metal was all about sex and drugs. We need more bands that really know how to rock!

Damn, definately my type of bitch! See more at Hustler

Tags: Political Commentary by Walrus
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Normally I’m not a fucking rumor mongor nor do I believe in airing ones dirty fucking laundry in public, especially when it comes to a fucking business where most people figure every fucking person in it is dirty anyway. But since that fucking bitch, Raven, herself decided to go public with this "you tube" video, I figured it would be cool to just fill everyone in on the shit.

Now if your want to hear the other side of the fucking story, you’ll have to forgo the fucking video as I quote from the fucking Xbiz article.

Leach asserts that Riley came to him in late March and stated that she didn’t want to be Raven Riley anymore. “She was tired of the business and wanted to change her phone number so no one from the industry could contact her,” Leach said. Riley’s number was changed April 9, at her request, and was used until it was turned off June 9, according to Leach.

Now as any of us smart fucking people know this is just like a fucking divorce, you can’t fucking believe everything that he says or everything that she says. Somewhere in the middle of all the fucking crap, all the fucking lies is the mother fucking truth but you can bet for sure that this is going to fucking be more like a celebrety break-up as opposed to your fucking meaningless little divorce and at some point the name calling and dirty fucking secrets are bound to come out.

Since I know you all are fucking wondering who the fuck I’m talking about, I figured I’d post a little sexier side of Raven just to refresh you all to fragile of fucking memories. Also, I’ve been personally assured that the site owns enough content to stay fresh for at least another year or so. If you really gotta have more of this fucking slut, go for it. You won’t get burned!

And no, posting this little dab of porn does not constitute the nude of the post so enjoy that too!!!

Meka Mulan- Nude for the Post

Chicago, IL

AGE: 26 HAIR COLOR: Blonde HEIGHT: 5ft 6in WEIGHT: 105 BREAST: 34C MEASUREMENTS: 34C-24-34

Playboys Sexy Wives Meka is woman of many loves. She prefers grilled cheese and ham sandwiches, sushi, happy hour, Chicago house music,  and photography. Her hobbies include boating, yoga, hiking, traveling abroad and dancing. To learn more about Meka check out the interview in the members area. At least check out her hot fucking photo gallery

Tags: Porn Shit by Walrus
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There has been a bunch of idiotic shit going on in the sports world lately and since I haven’t fucking been getting out enough lately to find shit that really pisses me off, I figured now would be a good time to document some of the stupidity.

Due to the fucking Kobe rap a couple of days ago, Shaq has lost his fucked up plastic Arizona sheriffs badge. Seems old Sheriff Joe was offended by his usage of colorful language. Get a fucking life! First, it’s not like Shaq was performing somewhere that he could have expected the taping. Second, he was rapping, what fucking rap song doesn’t have a little colorful language and finally asking Kobe how his ass tastes. This wasn’t a "tongue in cheek" comment just some good fucking natured teasing. Sheriff Joe just needs to realize he’s a fucking fossil and the usage of the English language is a bit different today from the life he lives in.

My buddy, Don Imus, is at it again but it seems that this time there will be no disciplanary action. In case you live under a fucking rock, here is what was said:

Don, old buddy, just admit it you are a fucking racist. I know you now have a new, racially sensative crew but what the fuck does that mean other than your a fucking racist. Otherwise, you or no one would give a rats ass about your crew. The point that everyone spends time explaining that you are now more racially sensative tends to prove my fucking point. As far as Pacman Jones…save your prayers, your going to need them because I have absolutely no doubt that you will find yourself in trouble with the NFL again, even though I really think thats all been way over blown as well.

Speaking of idiots in the NFL how about ex-running back Cedric Benson. He had most of us in his fucking hand with the drunken boating incident. I was personally convinced that he was being picked on. But then, while this is still lingering on, a drunk driving incident….now I ain’t a stupid fuck. Me thinks you fucked up twice.

Zusanna- Nude for the Post

Zusanna | Natural Wonder

Whenever one of our nifty photographers heads abroad to scout out fresh new talent, we here at HUSTLER wait with bated breath. As you can see, our latest find was worth the wait. An all-natural beauty, Zusanna comes to us from the Czech Republic. Now, we know what you’re thinking: Did they say “all natural”? Come on! Yes, the Eurodoll swears that her monstrous mammaries are 100% genuine. “They are all real!” Zusanna exclaims. “No implants. I’m just lucky to have big, juicy boobies.” No, sweetheart, we get to see them in all their glory. That makes us the lucky ones.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Bust: 32” DD
Waist: 24”
Hips: 32”
Height: 5′6"
Weight: 105 lbs

Biography:
Birthplace: Czech Republic
Age: 25
Favorite Movie: “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” I would love to get my hands on a virgin and fuck him ‘til sunrise!
Favorite Song: “Like a Virgin,” by Madonna. Like I said, I love virgins.
Favorite Food: Fish Tacos and beer. It’s a good snack after sex. I love good food and good sex!
Likes: Posing nude, beaches and interesting people.
Dislikes: Cold weather, traffic and bad sex.
Ambitions: Since being in America, I have enjoyed myself very much. Especially posing for Hustler magazine! At home, I am a very serious businesswoman and showing off my naked body feels so liberating. When the photographer was shooting close ups of my pussy it started to gush because I got so horny thinking about all the men who will be stroking their stiff cocks from looking at my body. I was born with a tight body made to please my men! Best Place to Fuck: On a California beach with a hot, young surfer.
Best Place to Fuck: placesjjj
Best Sex: During my lunch break I was feeling really horny and I couldn’t control myself. Everyone in the office was out to lunch and I was all alone-or so I thought. I shut my door and slid my fingers down my satin panties and started rubbing my moist clit. I was in another world because I didn’t even hear the new temp walk in! He caught me! I was embarrassed at first until he unzipped his trousers and asked if he could join me for lunch. He shoved his tongue up my fuckhole and gave me multiple orgasms until I couldn’t take anymore. He was the best temp I ever hired.
Favorite Position: I like to be on top. I’m wild and I need to be in control.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What turns you on?
SUZANNA: There are a lot of things that can turn me on. If I were a man, I would have a hard cock 24/7! My pussy is always wet. I wake up every morning thinking of a stiff prick rubbing against my clit. My hand makes its way down my stomach and into my pussy and I finger fuck myself until I come all over my hand. Then I get up, go to work, fantasize about more sex and come home and fuck myself before I fall asleep. I am a very naughty girl…

HUSTLER: Are you into women, too?
SUZANNA: Mmmm…Definitely! Who wouldn’t want to taste a little pussy now and then? Women taste so sweet and salty, like a French dessert. My favorite night of fun is to have a fat cock sliding in and out of my tight slit while a hard-bodied blonde is riding my face with her mound. I am a businesswoman and I am very good at multi-tasking. There is no woman that I couldn’t handle.

Tags: Sports Commentary by Walrus
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Now this is some funny shit and believe it or not, I’m gonna leave my personal comments aside and simply add in the video.

For some fucking reason I can not get the fucking video to embed so here’s the link until I actually figure this shit out. Nevermind it’s working now, bitch mother fucker

Malou- Nude for the Post

Malou | Hustler Babe

Statistics:

Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Blue,
Bust: 34C,
Waist:24,
Hips: 34,
Height: 5′6″,
Weight: 108

Biography:

Birthplace: Copenhagen, Denmark

Age: 24

Favorite Movie: Amelie. I adore that fact it’s a good-natured fairytale about love. And it’s just visually stunning.

Favorite Song: Abba’s “Dancing Queen”. Whenever I hear this tune I can’t help but move my body.

Favorite Food: Bornholmer. It’s actually smoked herring. I know it sounds gross, but it’s very popular where I’m from.

Likes: I’m a big fan of bike-riding and going hiking. I’m usually up for anything outdoorsy.

Dislikes: This might be a little political, but Hustler’s a political magazine, right? I really dislike America’s current political administration and its stance on international issues.

Ambitions: I’m hoping to one day move to the US and become a world-wide celebrity!

Best Place to Fuck: I’m a big fan of screwing on this leather couch I inherited from an old boyfriend. Every time I have sex on it I think about how badly he treated me and I feel like I’m getting revenge.

Best Sex: Any sex that involves more than one other person. I love group sex…especially when the girls are hot!

Favorite Position: For anal I like doggie and for vaginal I like cowgirl.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What do you think about Americans?

MALOU: I feel bad for you guys right now. I know that your president doesn’t reflect the entire country, but everyone in the European community feels like he’s giving you guys a bad name.

HUSTLER: Enough about politics. Tell is something dirty.

MALOU: The last time I visited my parent’s house, I went with my boyfriend. Every night when my parents fell asleep we would have sex all over the house. It was a little weird doing it in my childhood bedroom, but it was definitely HOT.

Tags: Geek Shit, Political Commentary, Sports Commentary by Walrus
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