Chasing the Walrus

Feeling a bit better this evening. Probably because of two things. One, I’m sober. Even though I was extremely tempted I bypassed the bar tonight and came home from the day job to spend time with the old website development. The second, I’ve got a evening out with a hot but mature woman setup for tomorrow so odds are I’ll be doing one of my favorite things, squirting man milk all over her wedding rings.

Don’t typically do the mature chicks, although if she had kids I’d probably class her as a MILF rather than mature but either way her age puts her a little outside of my normal demographics. My preference is late twenties to mid thirties and she’s probably somewhere in the mid forty range. But she is hot or at least cute or maybe just willing. Sometimes its hard to tell, especially when I’ve been depressed like I’ve been. Usually getting laid is kind of like second nature but with this fucking depression it’s been really hard to get myself into that charming Libra personality.

Besides I’ve probably gained about 50 lbs while I’ve been in this funk. This spilling your guts shit on the world wide web when you know no one is listening, cause no one visits this place much yet, does seem to be having a very positive affect. I posted on my other blog this moring (its pure adult) and I am enjoying doing this tonight. Now if I can loose the beer and bread fat, get the waist back down and get a little excercise I may just kick this shit.

But enough, I doubt I’ll post tomorrow evening, I should be much too busy getting busy but I should bore you with all the nasty little details on Wednesday. Until then, I should post a picture of one of the hot fucking Hustler bitchs for you to enjoy as you and Rosie palm get busy.

Shyra Sheer | Open My Box

Real estate appraiser and porn star isn’t a combination you see very often, but we’ve found a 21-year-old hottie pursuing those two divergent careers. “I treat both occupations professionally,” Shyra says. “I want to give all I have and do the best work possible. The real estate gig is a family business owned and run by my mom and dad that always provides a steady paycheck.” How did such a seemingly straitlaced gal get into the adult biz? “Ever since I was 15,” Shyra explains, “I’ve been doing lingerie and swimsuit modeling, and when I turned 18, I started doing topless. At 19 I had a chance to go nude, and I thought, Why not? The offer to do a porn flick followed soon after. I figured I might as well try it. I’m one of those people who believe you have to try everything at least once in order to have an opinion about it.” Does Shyra’s family know that she moonlights as a XXX actress? “They do,” the curvy Coloradoan confides. “Everyone’s pretty cool about it, although my parents don’t like to talk about it.” But their lovely daughter is eager to talk about her sex life. “I like girls,” she coos, “but I love guys! When I date, I need a guy who is totally open, and there is nothing sexier than bringing in other people. When I’m alone with a guy, I love being done doggy. Like most girls I know, it’s my favorite position too!” Not surprisingly, the breathtaking blonde is also rambunctious. “I think the craziest thing I’ve ever done was having sex in a dressing room of a retail store while I was working,” Shyra recalls. “It was okay, though, because I was on a break at the time.” Besides getting down and dirty in front of the camera or with a lover, this dreamgirl has another outlet for shaking her pretty ass. “I am a professional dancer,” Shyra proclaims, “not a stripper! I direct the cheer squad for the Denver Titans [her hometown’s semipro football team], and I used to be the dance captain of the Colorado Crest too. I really love dancing.” When not selling houses, doing a bang-up job in hard-core flicks or waving pom-poms, Shyra opts for low-key escapes. “I love spending time with my family and friends,” she says, “just chilling. Barbecues, picnics and house parties are the best.” How does Shyra feel about gracing the front cover and centerfold of our latest Holiday Issue? “I think it’s just perfect!” she exclaims. “I love the holidays. They are easily my favorite time of the year. You get nice gifts, and being a HUSTLER covergirl is the second-greatest gift I’ve ever received.” Second best?! “Okay,” Shyra relents. “Being on the cover of HUSTLER is the number one best gift!” What does our holiday treat want for Christmas this year? “I would like to see my sister,” Shyra says. “She is my heart and my soul. I would love to be closer to her. So the best gift would be for me to be able to move my sister and her son nearer to me.”

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde, Eyes: Blue, Bust: 34D, Waist:24, Hips: 36, Height: 5′5”, Weight: 120

Biography:
Birthplace: Denver, Colorado
Age: 22
Favorite Movie: Anything with Muppets! For some reason I love those silly things.
Favorite Song: I’ve been listneing to My Chemical Romance’s "Black Parade" constantly since I got it.
Favorite Food: I absolutely loooooove desserts. I’d rather just skip out on dinner altogether. My favorite’s applie pie a la mode.
Likes: I’m such a girl! I like the typical things: shopping, going tanning, gossiping about sex and boys!
Dislikes: I really hate arrogant jerks! My most recent ex-boyfriend is one.
Ambitions: I want to do so much in porn, but I really admire Jenna Jameson. I plan on having an empire like her’s one day.
Best Place to Fuck: Next to a fireplace. There’s something about the crackling wood and added heat that just makes me want to fuck all night.
Best Sex: Anytime I’m pissed off. ESPECIALLY right after a fight with a boyfriend. It’s almost aggressive and animalistic.
Favorite Position: It depends on my mood, but lately I’ve been a big fan of cowgirl. I like being in control these days.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: Since you’re our Holiday centerfold, any special insights into the Holiday season?

SHYRA: If you’re in a relationship, make sure you get your girlfriend something! Even if she says she doesn’t want anything, don’t believe her. Trust me. And make sure to call your mom.

HUSTLER: Have you been naughty this year?

SHYRA: I don’t know if I’ve been naughty or nice. I’m going to have to let Santa decide for himself on Christmas eve. And if he says I’m naughty, I’m just going to have to show him why.

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After yesterday’s post, I actually got a little fucking curious about animal fucking and animal fuckers in general. I had always figured that it was all fucking fun and games type of shit, I never really figured sheepherder Bob kept himself warm at night in the hooves of his favorite sheep. How fucking naive I was. It does seem that some people get fucking excited by the swish of an animals tail. According to the old reliable, know anything you ever wanted to fucking know, Wiki, this is called zoophilia, the emotional and (optionally) sexual attraction of humans to animals. The human animal fuckers or fuckee’s are fucking known as zoophiles. It also seems that zoophilia has been around as long as man and beast.

This is a picture of a painting titled Leda and the Swan. Seems Leda and her fucking man swan must have been somewhat of the talk of the fucking town as even the most famous artists of the time painted their renditions of Leda and her loving fucking swan. This is a picture of a copy of the lost original painted by Leonardo, you know as in Leonardo Da Vinci. It seems that Michaelangelo also painted this fucking couple as well and fucking ironically his fucking painting was lost too. Not typically being a conspiracy theorist, one has to wonder if this is some form of early censorship. Especially when the study of Leda’s head, painted also by Leonardo, still exists as the horny fucking swan is left out.

But we have some fucking examples of animal love even in today’s society. Seems a few years back a man was dropped off at the hospital and later died. The police in investigating found that he had been visiting a farm of ill repute. Yep, you read that right, a fucking farm where you could pay the farmer to have sex with his animals. Seems the dude who fucking died had wanted to have a fucking horse ass fuck him. The horse was happy to oblige and literally ripped the guy a new asshole. Since, at the time, bestiality was legal in the state no charges were filed. But the police did find smaller, more helpless animals such as chickens, goats and sheep on the property and they are looking into whether animal cruelty — which is a crime — was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker animals.

It also seems that there are zoophiles who are also into necrophilia. Yep, you read that right, fucking dead animals is a turn on for some sick fucks. It would seem some poor fucker was caught fucking a dead deer on the side of the road and is spending some jail time. Can you fucking imagine what this dumb fucker tells his cell mate when asked why he’s in prison? I saw this really sweet deer with the sexiest fucking tail, just lying there and I had to fuck her. Really, I didn’t know she was fucking dead at the time.

I also want to start a new feature here. Since my liberal use of the F-word and other such obscenities seems to offend a few people, I decided it must be time to offend a few more. With each post, at the end, I’m going to include a Walrus selected Nude for the post. Since this one was so fucking off the hook, I’m not sure that it would be considered an honor to be selected the first nude but I now present:

Valentina Vaughn - Nude for the Post

Valentina Vaughn | Around the Benz

This olive-skinned goddess isn’t really sure what she wants out of life. “I moved from Philadelphia to pursue a full-time career in modeling,” Valentina says. “Back there I worked as an exotic dancer, which was cool, but being nude in HUSTLER seems so much cooler.” So does that mean our latest centerfold has left her G-string behind? “Not necessarily,” she replies. “I still go to Vegas to dance on some weekends. Looking ahead, the brown-eyed beauty is open to opportunities. “I don’t know what I’ll do in the future,” Valentina murmurs. “Maybe continue nude modeling, maybe go back to dancing. The thing is, I’m really okay with not knowing.”

Click for this photo gallery

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As a fucking adult webmaster it can sometimes seem like the whole world is fucking against you. Especially since the good "ole" boy turned fucking religious reicht zealot and decided to increase the FBI’s role in tracking down us fucking porn slingers. At least right now I think I’m fucking immune since I don’t fucking make any of this shit, I just sell it.

For some unknown fucking reason, you the general public… or at least the religious side of the general fucking public, seem to think us porn slingers love to nothing else than take pictures of underage girls. That’s about as fucking far from the truth as you can get but I’m slipping off of the fucking topic at hand.

Now where the fuck was I. Anyway this post initial intent was to talk about an obscenity case and the judge presiding over it. The case is about some sick twisted fetish dude who is facing some obscenity charges right here in the porn capital of America. So you got to know that it’s some twisted shit and I do mean that literally as his fucking films feature bestiality and defecation. The dude is Ira Isaacs and if your fucking interested in the article, here is a link to the fucking LA Times article.

That’s the obscenity case. It’s the judge who makes it interesting. Alex Kozinski, the 9th Circuit chief judge had himself a little website and on this little website he had pictures of, among others (or so I’m told, the site was taken down before the URL was made public) a woman on her hands and knees painted like a cow. Now this begs the question…was she a fat heffer? Seriously, did they do this to a fucking BBW or did they pick a normal sized gal to play the part of the painted cow. I’ve got to admit…I’m not offended either way. Unlike the judge, I also don’t quite find the humor in it either.

He also, allegedly, had a video of "a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal". Now I’m no farmer, but then again neither is the reporter for the LA Times, but how do you tell if a farm animal is sexually aroused. I mean are we fucking talking about a dude giving a hand job to a horse or a bull. There are fucking legit reasons to do this. Was a fucking sheep sitting on a fence all made up and in a sexy little teddy?

In both cases without the fucking picture / video it’s pretty difficult to say if this is obscene or if it is just fucking funny and in that lies the problem in the obscenity case. See if it’s fucking funny then it’s covered under free speech and if it has absolutely no redeeming value it is considered obscene. Like the picture I described no someone may find that funny as fuck, personally I don’t but since I’m not offended by it I don’t consider it obscene. In fact, if anyone enjoys watching something doesn’t that something then have a redeeming value. I may not like it much as I can assure you that I don’t enjoy old Ira’s brand of porn but the fucking constitiution doesn’t say "freedom for the Walrus" it says "freedom for all" and as such if I were so inclined to watch sick fucking shit like a man fucking a sheep, I should fucking be allowed and if I want to film that and sell the film to others who enjoy watching a man get ass fucked by a pidgeon then I should fucking be allowed to do so.

I once saw a video of a chick giving a horse a blow job. I thought it was pretty fucking sick until the horse ejaculated with such strength that it threw the chick for about 5 feet. Then it became funny.

Damn did this fucking post lose it’s initial target. I do get lost sometimes in my ramblings.

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