Chasing the Walrus

So I stopped in at my favorite fucking watering hole this evening just to get mentally fucking prepared to properly present all the fucking wierd ass shit I’ve been runnig across on the internet lately.

Ladies, fucking explain this to me, what the fuck is up with wanting / needing to stand up to take a fucking piss? You now have a product… well ok you now have a fucking redesigned funnel to allow you to actually stand up to fucking pee. You even have your own fucking acronym for it a FUD or female urination device. It’s neat, it’s discreet and it hygenic? That’s what the fucking website claims. It fits easily in your purse, pocket or glove compartment.

Now lets fucking think about this, you can’t fucking wear it all the time or else you’ll look like a fucking dyke with a hard on. So it’s not that fucking discreet. Hygenic, oh ya, exactly what I want to fucking do is take something I piss in and stick it anywhere, whether that be a purse, pocket or glove compartment.

I understand that public "facilities” can be pretty fucking disgusting. As a dude, I’d never fucking take a shit in a public toilet so I do feel for you chicks who have to piss while in public but… do you really want to take a fucking funell out of your fucking purse, piss through it, wash it off so that everyone and their fucking mother knows what you just did and then put it back into your fucking purse.

Do you really want to, while out fucking communing with nature, pull this out of the glove box so you don’t have to squat, piss and then put it right back into the fucking glove box.

It’s fucking stupid, piss in something and then fucking carry it around with you.

The second stupid thing I ran across on my travels through the great web is going to take a bit of fucking explaining.

Seems this inter-city chick, still a fucking teen got herself knocked up. That by itself is a fucking big problem but add inter city teen, pregnancy and the fact the she is mentally unstable and you’ve got a recipe for a disaster that did in fact happen.

This fucking true story was related to the internet by an actual OB doc who has her own little blog, Dr. Amy the skeptical OB. So lets set the scene, pregnant intercity teen with mental problems (no fucking stretch of the imagination here) is able to hide her pregnancy for no one who cares for a little over 7 months at which time she goes to the emergency room because she’s fucking having stomach cramps.

This fucking inter-city teen is so fucking adept at hiding the fact that she’s pregnant that the probably over-worked nurse in the emergency room doesn’t notice and tells her to take a seat. The stomach cramps get much worse and the teen goes to the bathroom.

Next thing anyone knows is that there is blood coming out from under the fucking door to the ladies room. The brilliant staff, sensing something must be amiss, I mean it is fucking blood and blood usually indicates serious shit, calls security who breaks down the door (Ok, they use the master lock key and just fucking open the door) to find said mentally unstable ex-pregnant teen wrapping a new born child in a wonder bread plastic bag and trying to flush the child down the toilet.

Pretty fucked huh! Personally, I can’t blame the mentally fucking unstable teen. Why the fuck would she really fucking want to bring a child into the world to live the life she fucking knows. But anyway, I digress. So the chick tries to flush the kid and probably gets treatment.

The fucking child lives. With the help of some fucking fantastic doctors and nurser, the child makes it.

Now it becomes discharge time for the baby and can you fucking believe there is a discussion to re-unite the child with the mentally ill mother who tried to flush the kid into the river. Seriously, hospital staff is actually debating this. Luckily, at least temporarily for the wonderbread kid, our heroin, Dr. Amy steps in and brings some much fucking needed sanity to the fucking situation

Now there are many things in this story that are fucked but the most fucked is that the hospital staff would actually have to discuss whether to return said wonderbread kid to his mother, the one who tried to flush his ass to the river. Makes your fucking wonder where the fucking world is going.

Finally, if you’ve killed some asshole and your lying on your death bed (or so you think) dont do the confession. It won’t set your soul free. Seems some loser thought he was dying and having committed a murder and wanting to clear his conscience before heading to see the big dude, confessed to a murder over 30 years earlier.

Seems the dude thought some other swinging dick was trying to fuck his wife, so he shot the mother fucker. Being on what he thought was his death bed, he had the fucking police called in so he could confess. Unfortunately for him, the marvels of modern medicing saves his fucking life and the fucking cops hauled his ass to jail, for the rest of his life. Dumb ass!

Moral of the fucking story, if you fucking kill someone and feel a bit guilty, write it down in a letter, or your will, only to be revealed upon your actual death.

I was going to fucking introduce ya’ll to a bunch of the other caballers but, unfortunately for you (or maybe me) the two or three or ten Jack Daniels are catching up with me so I’ll cut the planned massacre short and only discuss one, Mistress Talia, the sadistic domme. I kind of feel bad, as she seems way to nice to be either sadistic or dominating. Probably the fucking worst thing anyone could say and I probably shouldn’t but it’s the way I feel and whatever I fucking feel always comes out of my fucking mouth.

Anyway, her blog… shit I just figured it out and feel so fucking stupid. Her blog has a post called “another present for the giantess fans” and I had assumed it was posted by her. I was all fucking set to blast her as the post briefly talks about being a giant and playing barbie but doesn’t go into any of the sexy details. But in re-reading I see that post wasn’t actually Mistress Talia. So, my mistress, I challenge you, giving the above scenario, what would a working sadistic domme do with her little barbie doll.

Tonight’s babe of the post comes from Nudes, Artistically Done

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Tags: Ramblings, Sex and The Walrus, Sports Commentary, Uncategorized by Walrus
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Congrats to the Pittsburgh Steelers and all of their fans.

I grew up with sports, playing all the way through college, and yes I did fucking go to college, and the one thing you learn is that things that are out of your fucking control are simply the "breaks of the game". That having been said, I personally think it’s time that the NFL looked at how poor the officiating has become and take some active steps to correct the problem.

Now understand I am neither a Steeler or a Cardinal fan. I am a football fan, period. Throughout out this entire season, game after game, poor officiating was the norm. From the bad call during the Chargers / Bronco’s game back in September, through out the season and into the Super Bowl referee’s either made bad calls (or ticky-tack calls that didn’t effect the play and were questionable to begin with) or simply missed calls that should have been made. I think the fact that Ed Hochuli (the official in charge of the Charger / Bronco game) was named the top NFL official is an indication that things are not well when it comes to the NFL and its referee’s.

If you look at the last thirty seconds of the Super Bowl there were two penelties that should have been called for obvious infractions against the Steelers and the final Cardinal play that wasn’t even reviewed. A review which if it would have happened, I believe, would have overturned the call made on the field. The other penalties that weren’t called, the celebration by Holmes after scoring the winning touchdown in which the ball was used as a prop (15 yds) and an instance where a Steeler removed his helmet (another 15yd’er). In fact, even Yahoo sports dude Michael Silver, in his "over-the-top, Ephedrine-laced diatribe before dawn" states in an apology to Seahawk fans (who have claimed that poor officiating cost the them the super bowl a couple years ago):

Yet after Sunday, I can totally see how an objective observer would wonder whether the Steelers have some cosmic, unconscious hold on the hearts and minds of the zebras. Some examples: After Roethlisberger threw an incompletion on first-and-10 from the 50 midway through the third quarter, he was pushed in the back by Dansby, whose momentum appeared to carry him into the quarterback. The refs called a personal foul. Later that drive, on third-and-goal from the Arizona 9, Big Ben was about to get sacked and chucked the ball toward nobody in what seemed like a logical time for an intentional-grounding call. The officials didn’t flag him, ruling that he was outside the pocket – it looked pretty borderline to me. On the next play, Jeff Reed’s 27-yard field goal attempt, Adrian Wilson unintentionally ran into the holder, Mitch Berger, and a personal foul was called. It may have been legitimate, but things had become so one-sided that from that point on reporters in my section of the press box started conjuring up sarcastic fouls every time the Cards made a play: The defender threw the ballcarrier to the ground, resulting in a 15-yard penalty … Then, midway through the fourth quarter, on second-and-goal from the Pittsburgh 4, Warner threw an underneath pass to halfback Tim Hightower and got absolutely clocked by Harrison. The hit was far more egregious than Dansby’s push of Roethlisberger earlier, but no flag was thrown. Awful. Finally, after Holmes’ game-winning touchdown catch, his celebration – a LeBron James powder-throwing tribute – seemed to violate the rule against using the football as a prop, which could have resulted in a 15-yard penalty that would’ve forced Pittsburgh to kick off from its own 15. I’m not suggesting there was a conspiracy in Pittsburgh’s favor. I do believe, however, that this supposed all-star cast of officials had Ed Hochuli Disease: a tendency to make the game more about them than necessary. There were 11 penalties on the Cards for 106 yards, and seven for 56 on the Steelers.

Now here’s the real diatribe:
On the penultimate play of the game, after Warner was hit by Woodley while seemingly trying to throw a pass, the play was ruled a fumble, recovered by Woodley – and the officials acted like they had a table waiting at Mons Venus and needed to get there by 11. For all I know, the play would not have been overturned, and perhaps the replay official was able to determine that conclusively in a very short period. But even if it were only for the sake of appearances, how could the officials not stop the game and go through the process of conducting a formal review? I mean, this is the league that brought you the Tuck Rule, a play whose reversal at the time of the replay review seemed utterly incomprehensible, until Walt Coleman informed us how little we knew about football. Speaking of which, maybe Warner tucked the ball at some point during the play in question; or, perhaps, a conclusive case could be made that his arm was going forward. Or maybe not, but at least slow it down and take a few good looks at the replay. Because, you know, it’s only the most important game of the season. Sure, only five seconds remained, but had there been a reversal, the ball would’ve moved from the Pittsburgh 44 to the 29, because a personal foul had been called on Woodley for taunting after the play. Hmmm, let’s see, Warner throwing up top to Fitzgerald from about his own 35? I’d say there’s a little bit better chance of completing that than your typical Hail Mary. Again, it’s quite possible that the fumble would’ve been upheld on replay, and all of this would then become moot. I’m just stunned that the officials didn’t even bother to hash it out.

Would these have changed the outcome, we’ll never know but it seems odd that during a game when reviews were the norm and the officials littering the field with their dirty laundry was common place that these things didn’t happen when the game was definately on the line. Conspiracy theorists might have a field day with the outcome of this game and would have plenty of ammunition to go with it.

But I personally think that the decline of on-field officiating began with the inception of the reviews. You hear the talking heads who are supposed to be some type of expert often lament when a bad call is made it needs to be reviewed and that the list of reviewable items needs to be expanded. I’ve even heard it stated that sometimes a referee should make a call a certain way so that it can be reviewed.

BULL SHIT, if the referee can’t make the call correctly and makes the wrong call consistantly then he needs to take his cleats off, turn in his whistle and move on down the road. If the game has become too fast for the officials then the NFL needs to find faster officials.

In the days before official reviews, most of the time slo mo replay should that as close as the call was, the on field referee made the correct call. While I haven’t done a statistical analysis, today, I would bet that reviews reverse the call about 50% of the time. Why the decline? I think it’s because in the "old days" officials were completely responsible for the game. If they fucked up, it was a major fuck-up that fell squarely on their shoulders. Like I said, they were responsible. But now, they’ve got the replay rule and no longer are held responsible for their calls. If they make a bad call, it’s reviewable. If it’s not reviewable, then its the replay rules that need changed.

Thats my 2 cents but yet I do congratulate the Pittsburgh Steelers. They have no control of the shitty referee’s and did what they needed to do to win the game. It’s time to move on…and yes, that does mean it’s time for a Babe of the Post!

Brittany is a nurse in training

Brittany Nicole
Columbus State
SPECS:
AGE: 22
HAIR COLOR: Blonde
HEIGHT: 5ft 3in
WEIGHT:102 lb
BREASTS: 34C
MEASUREMENTS: 34C-25-30
Playboy’s Student Bodies

Brittany is a nurse in training. Hmm I think I feel a cold coming on. Cough cough. She enjoys sand volleyball with friends and shopping. To learn more about this Florence Nightingale check out her interview video in the members area. Learn more about Brittany at Playboy’s Student Bodies

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Tags: Sports Commentary by Walrus
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God, I hate this time of year. The end of the football season. The week before the Super Bowl. A reminder of the Sunday’s to come. The Super Bowl is always kind of bitter sweet.

I look forward to the game, the specticle, the parties and yet I’ve already started feeling sad that the football season is coming to an end.

What do I do with my Sundays now? After 20 weeks of planning for Sundays, it comes to an end. No more go to the store on Saturday to pick up snacks for the game. No more BBQ on the back porch patio with the boys drinking beer and argueing about the last play or who’s the best team, who’s going to go to the super bowl.

Ya, well still get together but what will we talk about. Our lives have been centered around those Sunday afternoons for so long. Life does go on but I’ll find myself looking forward to summer, the start of pre-season.

Of course there are other sports but none of them can really replace the emptiness I always feel. None of them eliciting the arguements over the most mundane issues. Hockey, exciting but so far from the mainstream of sports simply catching a game can be difficult. Basketball, baseball both good sports but they’re no football.

It’s a special affair I have with that game. One that defies the words really needed to describe it. I’m sad the end is near and I know that I’ll feel empty until next season starts.

Today’s babe of the post comes by way of Walrus Babes, the hottest babes found anywhere and titled "Holy Fuck what a great ass". The Walrus knows babes and this chick definately has one great ass. Enjoy!

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There has been a bunch of idiotic shit going on in the sports world lately and since I haven’t fucking been getting out enough lately to find shit that really pisses me off, I figured now would be a good time to document some of the stupidity.

Due to the fucking Kobe rap a couple of days ago, Shaq has lost his fucked up plastic Arizona sheriffs badge. Seems old Sheriff Joe was offended by his usage of colorful language. Get a fucking life! First, it’s not like Shaq was performing somewhere that he could have expected the taping. Second, he was rapping, what fucking rap song doesn’t have a little colorful language and finally asking Kobe how his ass tastes. This wasn’t a "tongue in cheek" comment just some good fucking natured teasing. Sheriff Joe just needs to realize he’s a fucking fossil and the usage of the English language is a bit different today from the life he lives in.

My buddy, Don Imus, is at it again but it seems that this time there will be no disciplanary action. In case you live under a fucking rock, here is what was said:

Don, old buddy, just admit it you are a fucking racist. I know you now have a new, racially sensative crew but what the fuck does that mean other than your a fucking racist. Otherwise, you or no one would give a rats ass about your crew. The point that everyone spends time explaining that you are now more racially sensative tends to prove my fucking point. As far as Pacman Jones…save your prayers, your going to need them because I have absolutely no doubt that you will find yourself in trouble with the NFL again, even though I really think thats all been way over blown as well.

Speaking of idiots in the NFL how about ex-running back Cedric Benson. He had most of us in his fucking hand with the drunken boating incident. I was personally convinced that he was being picked on. But then, while this is still lingering on, a drunk driving incident….now I ain’t a stupid fuck. Me thinks you fucked up twice.

Zusanna- Nude for the Post

Zusanna | Natural Wonder

Whenever one of our nifty photographers heads abroad to scout out fresh new talent, we here at HUSTLER wait with bated breath. As you can see, our latest find was worth the wait. An all-natural beauty, Zusanna comes to us from the Czech Republic. Now, we know what you’re thinking: Did they say “all natural”? Come on! Yes, the Eurodoll swears that her monstrous mammaries are 100% genuine. “They are all real!” Zusanna exclaims. “No implants. I’m just lucky to have big, juicy boobies.” No, sweetheart, we get to see them in all their glory. That makes us the lucky ones.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Bust: 32” DD
Waist: 24”
Hips: 32”
Height: 5′6"
Weight: 105 lbs

Biography:
Birthplace: Czech Republic
Age: 25
Favorite Movie: “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” I would love to get my hands on a virgin and fuck him ‘til sunrise!
Favorite Song: “Like a Virgin,” by Madonna. Like I said, I love virgins.
Favorite Food: Fish Tacos and beer. It’s a good snack after sex. I love good food and good sex!
Likes: Posing nude, beaches and interesting people.
Dislikes: Cold weather, traffic and bad sex.
Ambitions: Since being in America, I have enjoyed myself very much. Especially posing for Hustler magazine! At home, I am a very serious businesswoman and showing off my naked body feels so liberating. When the photographer was shooting close ups of my pussy it started to gush because I got so horny thinking about all the men who will be stroking their stiff cocks from looking at my body. I was born with a tight body made to please my men! Best Place to Fuck: On a California beach with a hot, young surfer.
Best Place to Fuck: placesjjj
Best Sex: During my lunch break I was feeling really horny and I couldn’t control myself. Everyone in the office was out to lunch and I was all alone-or so I thought. I shut my door and slid my fingers down my satin panties and started rubbing my moist clit. I was in another world because I didn’t even hear the new temp walk in! He caught me! I was embarrassed at first until he unzipped his trousers and asked if he could join me for lunch. He shoved his tongue up my fuckhole and gave me multiple orgasms until I couldn’t take anymore. He was the best temp I ever hired.
Favorite Position: I like to be on top. I’m wild and I need to be in control.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What turns you on?
SUZANNA: There are a lot of things that can turn me on. If I were a man, I would have a hard cock 24/7! My pussy is always wet. I wake up every morning thinking of a stiff prick rubbing against my clit. My hand makes its way down my stomach and into my pussy and I finger fuck myself until I come all over my hand. Then I get up, go to work, fantasize about more sex and come home and fuck myself before I fall asleep. I am a very naughty girl…

HUSTLER: Are you into women, too?
SUZANNA: Mmmm…Definitely! Who wouldn’t want to taste a little pussy now and then? Women taste so sweet and salty, like a French dessert. My favorite night of fun is to have a fat cock sliding in and out of my tight slit while a hard-bodied blonde is riding my face with her mound. I am a businesswoman and I am very good at multi-tasking. There is no woman that I couldn’t handle.

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Now this is some funny shit and believe it or not, I’m gonna leave my personal comments aside and simply add in the video.

For some fucking reason I can not get the fucking video to embed so here’s the link until I actually figure this shit out. Nevermind it’s working now, bitch mother fucker

Malou- Nude for the Post

Malou | Hustler Babe

Statistics:

Hair: Blonde,
Eyes: Blue,
Bust: 34C,
Waist:24,
Hips: 34,
Height: 5′6″,
Weight: 108

Biography:

Birthplace: Copenhagen, Denmark

Age: 24

Favorite Movie: Amelie. I adore that fact it’s a good-natured fairytale about love. And it’s just visually stunning.

Favorite Song: Abba’s “Dancing Queen”. Whenever I hear this tune I can’t help but move my body.

Favorite Food: Bornholmer. It’s actually smoked herring. I know it sounds gross, but it’s very popular where I’m from.

Likes: I’m a big fan of bike-riding and going hiking. I’m usually up for anything outdoorsy.

Dislikes: This might be a little political, but Hustler’s a political magazine, right? I really dislike America’s current political administration and its stance on international issues.

Ambitions: I’m hoping to one day move to the US and become a world-wide celebrity!

Best Place to Fuck: I’m a big fan of screwing on this leather couch I inherited from an old boyfriend. Every time I have sex on it I think about how badly he treated me and I feel like I’m getting revenge.

Best Sex: Any sex that involves more than one other person. I love group sex…especially when the girls are hot!

Favorite Position: For anal I like doggie and for vaginal I like cowgirl.

Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What do you think about Americans?

MALOU: I feel bad for you guys right now. I know that your president doesn’t reflect the entire country, but everyone in the European community feels like he’s giving you guys a bad name.

HUSTLER: Enough about politics. Tell is something dirty.

MALOU: The last time I visited my parent’s house, I went with my boyfriend. Every night when my parents fell asleep we would have sex all over the house. It was a little weird doing it in my childhood bedroom, but it was definitely HOT.

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

Tags: Geek Shit, Political Commentary, Sports Commentary by Walrus
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