Chasing the Walrus

No, I haven’t abandoned posting again or slipped even further into being depressed. As far as that goes, I’m probably as good as I have been for a little while. But what has happened between Tuesdays disaster and my posting now would probably push a mere mortal man in that direction.

Thursday I was planning to be a good boy. Got to the train station in time to catch the train and the plan was to come hope and post here and work on a couple of my sites. I can’t remember what it was I had to post about but it seems it was somewhere along the lines of a good old fashioned Walrus rant.

But fucking fate had other plans for me. Seems the metrolink trains were all having problems and all the trains were delayed. My commute schedule really doesn’t handle delays well and not needing much of an excuse to go to the bar anyway the fact that the commute wasn’t going to go as planned was excuse enough.

My bartender buddy, from now on known as the bartender, called in sick so his replacement was the Jack Daniels dude. Now the JD dude likes to do shots of Jack and since he’s buying, how can I say no? Also the bartenders girlfriend, not knowing the bartender had called in sick, stopped by. She’s good people and always a hoot to talk to so I sat drinking Stella’s, Jack on the rocks and a free shot every ten minutes with JD dude. Needless to say, I got fucking plastered.

At some point in the night, the bartenders girlfriend went home and I found myself trying to chat up a fat ugly Indian chick. When I say Indian chick, I mean from India not native american. This chick was coyote ugly. Luckily, whether it was cause I was white, fat, drunk or a combination of all fucking three she had no interest in fucking me. It’s kind of a sad statement, she’d rather sit around the train station all night than let me get my rocks off on her. Worked to my favor, I didn’t have to sit there in the morning, shame all over my face and wonder what the fuck I had done.

The bad news was that instead of going home, I went over to someone who lives close to the train station to spend the night. Sucks having to wear the same cloths two days in a row. Especially without a shower but who the fuck would shower and then put on two day old cloths.

So I went through Friday, hungover, smelly, sweaty, sticky and did I mention hungover. When work was fucking finally over I had no problem coming straight home.

The crazy chick, who I really can’t explain what kind of relationship we have is, was at my place and had been there since Thursday. She knew about my drunken exploits, well sort of, I don’t think I told her about the ugly indian chick. Like I said, can’t really explain our relationship. But she was planning on escaping Friday evening anyway. When I got here, her ride was here and they were fucking around on my laptop.

Unfortunately, the crazy chick has a thing about downloading music from P2P sites which means it’s usually infected with all sorts of nasty spyware shit. Having the computer for 36 hours gave her hope that I wouldn’t notice all the fucking trojans and put 2+2 together. So, the remainder of Friday night was spent trying to clean off all of the fucking crap. Oh, and my service provide, they get upset about this kind of shit so they disabled my service as some point in time.

So, that’s been my life for the last couple days, too much JD, an ugly indian chick and the crazy chick. I’m fucking sure I left something out but it’s too late at night for me to really wonder if this is even fucking worth reading. Time to move to the Babe of the Post!

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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I hope y’all had a good fucking 4th of July weekend. Personally I had no fucking plans so when the fucking neighbors invited me over for a 4th BBQ and I figured what the fuck. I’d go over, play nice, eat some BBQ and then make an excuse early and call it a fucking night.

I recognized a few others there from the our fucked up neighborhood and they had also fucking invited a few of the boring asses they fucking work with. I was the only fucking single dude at the party so I saw no need to hang around. My plans started changing as soon as I met one of the ladies from my neighbors office. She was married with a kid about 5, cute and came off as very flirtatous and possibly looking to have a little more fucking fun than just sitting around shooting the shit with the other fucking soccer mom’s while all the husbands compared their dicks and tried to figure out who could actually piss the farthest.

It can always be kind of a pain to cut the hot one out of the herd. The herd always wants to fucking pull them back in and the husbands seem to get a little concerned when the single guy pays too much fucking attention to their bitch. So the game starts with coincidental meetings in the kitchen, getting beers and what nots and then as everyone starts getting a little drunker finding the times for longer alone time while everyone else is too busy enjoying the buzz.

It took very little fucking flirting time before she made it perfectly clear to me that she would love to steal a few moments away for some purely adult time. We played most of the afternoon playing grab ass, clandestine meetings by the bathroom where we could do stupid kid shit like make out and cop a good feel or two. I knew we’d be doing it and I knew that the best time would be during the fucking fireworks display.

I’m going to spare you fucks the details of fucking the neighbors wife’s best friend on her bed and leaving her fuck hole filled to the brim with my man milk but I will say it must have been the best fucking sex the bitch had as she wanted to know if we could get together on a regular basis. Want to blast me ego, do like this bitch did and tell me she needs to have more of my cock.

Babe for the Post
Veronica Saint | This Saint’s a Winner

With her natural, girl-next-door good looks—and hailing from America’s Heartland to boot—Veronica Saint is the perfect choice for Valentine’s Day eye candy. “Being on the cover of HUSTLER is a dream come true!” proclaims the delectable 22-year-old. When Veronica is feeling romantic, who’s gonna sweep the babe off her feet? “I love the typical bad-boy rock ’n’ roller types,” she admits. “A dude covered in tattoos makes my pussy extra-wet. That doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally do a suit-and-tie guy. I’m not big on pickup lines, but I go crazy over someone who has strong body language and knows how to undress me with his eyes. My eyes are sexy, and I use them as a weapon.” Does the sweetheart go crazy for girls too? “Not yet,” she coos, “but I want to give it a try.” Meanwhile, Veronica’s ultimate sexual fantasy remains unfulfilled. “I want a tall and buff Native American man with long hair to drag me into the woods, where he would tie me to a tree and fuck me hard. He would then leave me all spent and dripping with sweat.” Whoa, Tonto! In the future, Veronica has big plans: “I’m going to create my own cosmetics line, maybe even a fragrance. Right now I’m finishing up my college degree and plan to get a master’s in English, then write a book or two. I’m very ambitious and full of great ideas, so the world is open to me.” Finally, Veronica offers a personal Valentine’s Day greeting to HUSTLER readers: “This is my gift to you, and I really hope you enjoy my pictures. Love you, guys!”

Statistics:
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Bust: 34C

Waist:26

Hips: 37

Height: 5′7”

Weight: 118

Biography:
Birthplace: Elmhurst, Illinois
Age: 22
Favorite Movie: Goodfellas! I absolutely love mobster movies and Scorcese!
Favorite Song: I’m really into the new Arcare Fire record. It’s called, "Neon Bible". It’s about hope, redemption, loss, growth…what it means to be human.
Favorite Food: Chinese food.
Likes: Working out, shopping, playing with my two puppies.
Dislikes: Housekeeping. I can’t remember the last time I picked up a broom or a mop. That’s what boyfriends are for!
Ambitions: I want to marry the man of my dreams and have a bunch of kids. Nothing too terrible exciting.
Best Place to Fuck: On set. There’s something really freeing about screwing in front of a room full of strangers. I can get wild.
Best Sex: Anytime I care about my partner. The sex can be bad–well, not THAT bad–and it’ll still feel good to me.
Favorite Position: I like getting good and fucked in the missionary position.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What’s your type?
SAINT: I love the typical bad-boy rock ‘n’ roller types. A dude covered in tattoos makes my pussy extra wet.

HUSTLER: Did you do anything special for Valentine’s Day?
SAINT: Nothing special. Got too drunk and fucked my brains out.

Damn, definately my type of bitch! See more at Hustler

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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How many fucking married dudes are sitting out there getting ready to fucking read the wisdom that is The Walrus? I’ll fucking warn you right fucking now you may want to skip what the fuck I’m about to say and get right to the nude of the post. Otherwise you may have to face a fucking ugly truth that you may not be prepared to face.

Do you have a "guys night out" and your fucking wife have a "girls night out"? You probably figure her night out is just as fucking innocent as yours. I mean, I know what your doing. You and the buds probably head out to some fucking place where you can watch the fucking game, shoot some pool and get drunk. Then, after drinking plenty some of the buds split and the rest of you head for the local strip club where you give plenty of cute bitchs some cash to rub their shit all over you.

While your out doing that, wonder what your fucking wife is upto? Her and her little bitch friends, well their night starts out pretty much like the fucking bitchs in sex and the city. You know a little place with some apetizers and plenty of alcohol. Sitting oogling the guys as they walk by and talking about how bored their fucking little lives have become or even worse, how fucking boring their sex lives have become and when they get ready to move on, they move to somewhere to relieve their boredom

Here is where assholes like me come in. I personally like to catch the group just before they are getting ready to leave and pick the weak one out of the herd. There is always at least one that is just a little drunker than the rest or perhaps a little lonlier than the rest and is just waiting for someone to start paying a little attention to her and I do. Usually it starts with a little look (just catching her eye), a wink, a accidental meeting (ya right) on the way to or from the bathroom. Maybe the meeting happens when she comes to the bar to get another drink but I can fucking garauntee that the meeting will occur and after a few fucking minutes of flattering conversation and a couple comments to make her laugh, the seperation process has begun.

Now I’ll be honest, I love fucking married women. I don’t want anything long term or any fucking bitch who is going to be panting after me constantly. I’m looking for bored bitchs just wanting to fucking add a little something to their mundane life and if they want to become a regular fuck buddy, all the fucking better and while the bitch is going to want to share all the fucking moments with her friends, she’s also going to want to keep whats happening as big a secret as possible.

Anyway, once you create a little seperation, you work on one of two strategies. Stragegy one, get her to stay behind. Strategy two, have her tell you where her and the friends are headed. Either way things end pretty much the same way. A couple stiff drinks (perhaps I’ll share my secret drink that fucks a woman up but she loves) and it’s time to take her for a little walk. Within 5 minutes I’ll have my hand down her pants and within no time your fucking wife will be on her knee’s swallowing as much of my cock as she can and then bent over and fucked like she hasn’t been in a very long time and when I’m ready to finish I’ll be coating that sacred wedding ring she wears with my cum.

She’ll come home, drunk on her ass, well fucked and ready to go to sleep. For you, she won’t be in the mood and the next time you do get the chance for a little, she’ll be remembering our time in the fucking parking lot and not even thinking about you. Don’t worry, no need for you to get her off, after your done and asleep, she’ll be in the bathroom, thinking about how good it felt having a real man’s cock ramming her hole and rubbing her clit for all it’s worth.

Odds are, I’ve fucked your wife and she still thinks about that time more often than any moment you’ve spent with her.

Christine Stevens- Nude for the Post

Christine is a walk-a-holic
Christine Stevens
Waconia, MN
SPECS:
AGE: 30
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT:5ft 6in
WEIGHT:113 lb
BREASTS: 34DD
MEASUREMENTS: 34DD-24-34
Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Christine is a walk-a-holic. She comes from Minnesota and loves the lakes there. She is also into ice fishing and playing in the sun. Her ambition is to become a world famous landlord. To learn more about this northern gal take a gander at her interview video. Learn more about Christine at Playboy’s Sexy Wives

Tags: Sex and The Walrus by Walrus
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