Chasing the Walrus

Ya, I’m a little fucking late but that’s because I’ve been nursing a fucking hangover fora couple of days and didn’t fucking feel like posting earlier.

Tis the time for New Years resolutions. Did you all fucking make yours… have you already broken them? I’m going to make mine right here, right now and since I’m posting it right here on the old blog, if I fucking break it I’ll look like a real fucking pussy, won’t I.

Of course it is probably one of the most popular resolutions people make and it is probably one of the hardest ones to really keep. I figure smoking or the stoppage of such is probably pretty high on the common list but that is not the one I’m going to make.

Smoking is tough cause you set so many anchors for yourself while you smoke that long after the nicotine craving goes away, pull you back to wanting a cigarette. It’s like a dessert right after a nice meal or, at least for me, I’ve got to light a cigarette before I get in the car to drive and I’ve got to light a cigarette as soon as I park the car and head in anywhere. I also smoke a lot while I drive. None of these cigarettes are out of need, they are habits and the anchors have been set deep in my psyche. But that’s not the one I’m going to tackle.

I’m doing the other really popular one. I’ve added a few extra pounds over the years and they are really starting to affect the quality of my life. So it’s time to shed them.

Eating is a fucking hard one too. Unlike cigarettes, you can’t simply through the food out. You have to eat. So here it is, I’m going to lose 50 pounds over the next year, hopefully more. I’m going to be able to bend down and pick that fucking quarter up off the ground without looking like a pathetic old man and I am going to fit in those pants I still have from when I started this upward trend. If I don’t, then you all have my permission to comment on what a pussy the Walrus is.

I’ll be updating the blog now and then with some progress reports.

Now for a New Year Babe on the New Year post and I think for the occasion I’ll post two pics of her. She has got to be my very favorite big boob dark haired chicks whose name I’d never be able to pronounce and almost can’t fucking spell but the site of her never fails to get my cock rock hard. Meet Veronica Zemanova.

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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I don’t fucking know how many of you fuckers use yahoo. It’s my start page when my browser opens. Not really fucking sure why since I use google for my searches. Probably for the sports. See I fucking watch so much fucking ESPN that having it as my startup page, home page, whatever the fuck they call it would seem redundant. But fuck, your saying, get to the god damn point.

Ok, the point is, lately Yahoo has been having a bunch of touchy feely womans crap on the front page. You know shit like how can you tell if your husband / boyfriend is cheating. Today, which is what started this little diatribe it was 10 things husbands should never do. My question is who the fuck puts these kind of things together for dudes. If no one else is going to fucking do it… The Walrus will. So, with out further ado or serious thought my list of 10 things a fucking woman shouldn’t ever do.

1. Interrupt the fucking ball game.
   Unless there is a fucking fire or some other life threatening emergency, whatever you have to say can wait until the commercial. Yes, I think your important and believe it or not you actually do mean more to me than my stinking game. Just not this very moment. The only time, other than something life threatening, that it is acceptable to interrupt the game is if it’s because you want to unzip my pants and swallow my cock for awhile.
2. I know you had a rough day doing whatever it is you do and yes I do care. But understand I just had a shitty day too and I really don’t want to talk about it. You can talk at me all you want but don’t stop and check for listening comprehension because the fucking odds are I checked out of the conversation. You get your chance to rant and this way you don’t have to fucking bitch about how much I don’t care about you.
3. Men burp and fart
   That’s right, that’s what we do. No I won’t get my lazy ass up and go into the bathroom.
4. Farts are funny
   That’s right it’s funny as fuck to fart under the blanket and then throw it over your head. Its also funny to fart right in front of that old witch in the check out line and watch her make faces or to drop one in the elevator as your stepping out knowing that those going in are in for a rough ride…. and it is especially funny to rip a really fucking loud one in public and turn to you and say "Honey, how could you".
5. No honey do lists
   You know those little fucking things around the house that need a little attention. Don’t fucking make me a list and understand that since I’m the one who has to do the fucking chore, I’m the one who applies the importance of it. I will take care of it when it reaches the proper level of importance. Until then it’sjust a little nuisance that one has to live with in their lives.
6. No back seat driving
   Believe it or not, I do have a valid drivers license and I know exactly how fast I’m going and where that car is. You reminding me doesn’t help any.
7. I’m not lost
   That’s right, I am not lost and I am not going to pull over and ask for directions. I might have made a wrong turn which now has me a little confused but listening to you tell me how I need to pull over and get directions doesn’t help the situation. Guess what, if I really can’t figure it out, I will get directions.
8. I never try on cloths. Ever. I know what size I wear as I’ve been wearing that size for years. Unlike you, I don’t have an issue with fucking bulging and purging. If I fuck up don’t get pissed if I ask if you return it for me. I’d do it myself but I’m busy.
9. Do you want the truth of do you want me to lie and how the fuck am I supposed to know when the right time is for what. If you ask how you look in a certain dress or how your new hair cut looks don’t cry, get pissed or angry when I tell you the truth. Or if I do tell you that it looks nice, don’t get pissed at me when someone else tells you how horrible it looks. It’s a fucking lose / lose situation for me so I’d rather not be asked but if I am, I will tell you the truth.
10. No, I really don’t know what the fuck I did that pissed you off. If I did, I would either have not done it or would have already apoligized for having done it. You’ve got to tell me what I did. If I was insensative or just simply being me, I can’t do a fucking thing about it if I don’t fucking know.

Ok, babe of the post time. I think it was the nude chick in nature, the natural look. Anyway, enjoy!

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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I’ve already got way too many posts about how I’ve been a really bad boy and not posting to my blog the way I should so I’m not going to bother writing another fucking one.  Instead I’ll just fucking jump from this vantage point into today’s rant… fucking wannabe pimps.

Read enough of my stuff and some fucking thing that become clear, I sling porn and I have absolutely no problem telling anyone that is what I fucking do.  But that does not make me a fucking pimp.  It makes me an internet fucking marketing dude who happens to advertise companies that develop and sell memberships to pornographic sites.

Unfortunately, not all of the other assholes who do this kind of shit think the way I do.  It seems a large number of them like to think they are fucking pimps.  I mean they’ve got their fucking pimp avatars, some of the ones I’ve met actually dress ghetto even though they are so white bread it ain’t even funny.

You hear them talking about their wives, who obviously have them pussy whipped just like every other fucking dude, and they talk about having a fucking weak pimp hand and shit.

Let me give you fuckers a clue… If your bitch isn’t out fucking working at a strip club or walking the streets and then coming home and handing you every fucking penny she just fucking earned then you ain’t no mother fucking pimp.

I guess what I’m fucking trying to say is that these bozo’s aren’t selling tits and ass, which is what would make them a pimp, but are selling pictures of tits and ass which makes them nothing more than a marketing person.

Besides, from what I’ve seen, there are really very few bitches out there I’d want to pimp for.  I’m no fucking virgin, I’ve paid for pussy before and I’m sure I’ll pay for pussy again if I ever see any worth paying for.

One of the nice things about growing older is your much more patient and picky about what you stick your dick into, at least I am, and I can honestly say that the hookers I have stuck my cock in only one of them would I ever do again and she’s in Spain so the odds of me doing her again are pretty slim.

I remember one time I was stuck in a Courtyard out in the fucking middle of almost nowhere.  Not a fucking bar within walking distance and there were no cabs in the town and I won’t drink and drive.  One DUI taught me my lesson.  Any fucking way, I was horny as a mother fucker and no pussy in site.  So I called an escort service.

The dispatcher asked if I had any preferences.  I told her my only one was I wanted a chick with big boobs..  Big mistake as the chick they sent over must have been 5 foot tall and weighed 150 pounds.  She had big tits, that’s for sure but she had a fucking ass that was so fucking wide that she had to wear a fucking sign across it “WIDE LOAD” just like the trucks on the freeway.

Now there is no way in hell this slut is going to be able to get my dick hard.  WTF am I to do?  I’m hornier than a fucking jack rabbit and the only thing I’ve got to fuck is so fucking big I’d have to tie a board around my ass so that I didn’t fall in the god damn hole..

I ended up giving the slut $300.00 to let me sit on her face and jack off while she sucked on my balls.  Only thing I could think of.  Getting your balls sucked and licked always feels good and I didn’t have to look at her, I could fantasize that there was actually a cute chick sucking my balls and licking the crack of my ass and I did pull my balls out of her mouth so that I could cover her big fat titties with a big helping of my man milk but even that was somehow unsatisfying. 

Shit, reading that I guess I have been a fucking pimp cause I have had a couple girlfriends who did just that.  Worked at the strip clubs doing lap dances and a few select hand jobs and coming home, handing me all their fucking money and sucking on my cock till I was ready to fuck their brains out.  BUT… I never had a stable.  I never had multiple bitches doing that.

Now for a confession,,, I wrote this a month ago and am just now getting around to posting it.

Today’s babe of the post is a hot chick I saw while visiting MC Nudes. Her name Veronica DaSouza and I’m just totally in lust dreaming about having those full, puffy lips wrapped around my cock. The rest of her isn’t bad either. Enjoy

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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A few posts ago… ok fuck it… almost two fucking months ago I posted a link to a fucking story about some dumb bitch taking a power saw and trying to turn it into a dildo. The only fucking problem the dumb ass and her boyfriend who was obviously just as stupid didn’t think about what the blade might do to human tissue and when the dildo that was attached to the blade slipped, well lets just say the dumb bitch now has the sloppiest pussy in town.

Don’t get me wrong, I do get into some of the "fucking machine" porn that floats around the internet. Shit like this is pretty cool

But like all the fucking shows that hand some dangerous shit going on in them, this is not the type of stuff one should try at home. These are professionals who have designed machines that are awesome and powerful but also safety has been considered as well.

Not everyone gets that and in Arndale Ok, another chick decided she had a brilliant idea for a new sex machine even more powerful than described above. Seems this slut was recently divorced which, by some odd bit of reasoning, seems to have increased her fucking sex drive. According to a neighbor

A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

Now either

this slut moans really fucking loud or these people were fucking perverts and listening really fucking close. In fact, the police had questioned her three time about running an illegal prostitution ring from her house. Oh she was also into sex toys and was selling them. WTF either of these things has to do with my fucking story, I have no fucking idea.

Back to the original premise of the issue. It seems this bitch tried to use a jack hammer as a dildo. But the circumstances are even more bizarre than just a woman and a jack hammer. It seems she was standing in her driveway naked while attempting such a sexual manuvere. One of the neighbors happened to notice her in the driveway with the jack hammer but didn’t bother to call the police until she heard unnatural screams coming from her.

Now I’m all for live and let live but if these fucking neighbors were nosey enough to hear her moaning and to have called the fucking cops on three occasions in a month about an illegal prostitution ring, it does seem a bit fucking strange to me that they would wait, while she was standing in the driveway, naked with a jack hammer to wait for her to be screaming before actually calling the local authorities. Ok, I’m being nice there,,, the fucking cops.

The other fucking thing that really makes one wonder is that initially the cops suspected foul play. A bitch has a jack hammer stuck up her twat, in the middle of her fucking driveway and you suspect foul play. I still haven’t gotten my fucking head around how the chick could operate the jack hammer, upside down, to get it hammering away. Below is a pic of a jack hammer. Not sure how the thing is fucking turned on but if you’ve got the jack part stuck up your coochie, how the fuck do you operate the fucking hammer part with your feet. Especially while standing up. Besides, I would think that it would work perfectly fine with out sticking the dangerous part in your twat. Much like a washing machine… ladies I know you know what I’m talking about but if you need a hint, think spin cycle.

Anyway, the whole fucking story makes absolutely no sense at all. Whether it was accidental or not. There has to be more than being published but you can read the shortened version here

Today’s babe of the post is a hot fucking blonde babe in the midst of unzipping her pants. This comes by way of The Blog Erotica, a post titled Blonde Desires

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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Before I get too involved with today’s subject I wanted to address a few issues that arose out of my last post. HCB, hardcore blogger, tried to take a stab at retribution with his latest post. It was so lame, I’m not going to spend very much of my fucking precious time responding. As long as the dude thinks a chick is screaming with pleasure having her ass hole stretched out, he’s pretty much a lost cause. Feel free to drop by and let the dude know 12″ cocks that you can’t wrap your hand around is fake 9 out of 10 times. Even in the porn world.

The Porn Enchantress thinks I’m being fucking bitchy. Here I compliment her in the previous post and she thinks I’m bitchy. I’ll get back to that later as I fucking really don’t want to loose the train of thought I have for this post. As we all fucking know, my train gets derailed enough without any additional assistance.

Back to the topic at hand, chicks with an edge. Honestly, I’ve never really paid them much fucking attention but I happened to be doing a bit of channel surfing the other night and I ran across American Idol. Something about the punker chick on the show got my interest. It wasn’t that she was hot, in fact, I didn’t really even find her very attractive but still somehow I found her sexy.

Bad Wolf, one of my partners in crime here at the fucking cabal has been into goth / punk chicks for a long time. I kind of now see the attraction, especially since I got hot fucking pics like the one above from Crazy Babe.

I gotta fucking admit, I love the pussy tat…what let me fucking phrase that just a little fucking differently. I love the tattoo of the leopard this chick has just above her pussy. Although Tweety birds, I taught i taw a putty tat does come to mind. Anyway, this chick is hot and definitely has an edge about her. I think, know I absolutely am positive I’m in lust. I want to shove my cock down the throat of that little pussy cat.

Now to today’s babe of the post…Sunny Leone. Talk about fuckable!

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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