10 Things
I don’t fucking know how many of you fuckers use yahoo. It’s my start page when my browser opens. Not really fucking sure why since I use google for my searches. Probably for the sports. See I fucking watch so much fucking ESPN that having it as my startup page, home page, whatever the fuck they call it would seem redundant. But fuck, your saying, get to the god damn point.
Ok, the point is, lately Yahoo has been having a bunch of touchy feely womans crap on the front page. You know shit like how can you tell if your husband / boyfriend is cheating. Today, which is what started this little diatribe it was 10 things husbands should never do. My question is who the fuck puts these kind of things together for dudes. If no one else is going to fucking do it… The Walrus will. So, with out further ado or serious thought my list of 10 things a fucking woman shouldn’t ever do.
- Interrupt the fucking ball game.
Unless there is a fucking fire or some other life threatening emergency, whatever you have to say can wait until the commercial. Yes, I think your important and believe it or not you actually do mean more to me than my stinking game. Just not this very moment. The only time, other than something life threatening, that it is acceptable to interrupt the game is if it’s because you want to unzip my pants and swallow my cock for awhile. - I know you had a rough day doing whatever it is you do and yes I do care. But understand I just had a shitty day too and I really don’t want to talk about it. You can talk at me all you want but don’t stop and check for listening comprehension because the fucking odds are I checked out of the conversation. You get your chance to rant and this way you don’t have to fucking bitch about how much I don’t care about you.
- Men burp and fart
That’s right, that’s what we do. No I won’t get my lazy ass up and go into the bathroom. - Farts are funny
That’s right it’s funny as fuck to fart under the blanket and then throw it over your head. Its also funny to fart right in front of that old witch in the check out line and watch her make faces or to drop one in the elevator as your stepping out knowing that those going in are in for a rough ride…. and it is especially funny to rip a really fucking loud one in public and turn to you and say "Honey, how could you". - No honey do lists
You know those little fucking things around the house that need a little attention. Don’t fucking make me a list and understand that since I’m the one who has to do the fucking chore, I’m the one who applies the importance of it. I will take care of it when it reaches the proper level of importance. Until then it’sjust a little nuisance that one has to live with in their lives. - No back seat driving
Believe it or not, I do have a valid drivers license and I know exactly how fast I’m going and where that car is. You reminding me doesn’t help any. - I’m not lost
That’s right, I am not lost and I am not going to pull over and ask for directions. I might have made a wrong turn which now has me a little confused but listening to you tell me how I need to pull over and get directions doesn’t help the situation. Guess what, if I really can’t figure it out, I will get directions. - I never try on cloths. Ever. I know what size I wear as I’ve been wearing that size for years. Unlike you, I don’t have an issue with fucking bulging and purging. If I fuck up don’t get pissed if I ask if you return it for me. I’d do it myself but I’m busy.
- Do you want the truth of do you want me to lie and how the fuck am I supposed to know when the right time is for what. If you ask how you look in a certain dress or how your new hair cut looks don’t cry, get pissed or angry when I tell you the truth. Or if I do tell you that it looks nice, don’t get pissed at me when someone else tells you how horrible it looks. It’s a fucking lose / lose situation for me so I’d rather not be asked but if I am, I will tell you the truth.
- No, I really don’t know what the fuck I did that pissed you off. If I did, I would either have not done it or would have already apoligized for having done it. You’ve got to tell me what I did. If I was insensative or just simply being me, I can’t do a fucking thing about it if I don’t fucking know.
Ok, babe of the post time. I think it was the nude chick in nature, the natural look. Anyway, enjoy!
Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter
