Chasing the Walrus

I’ve fucking actually started falling behind the rest of my fellow Cabal"ers" in doing proper introductions to all the members of the club. My intention was that I’d simply hit a couple at a time everytime I posted rather than do a group fucking gotcha but I found I was needing to stop and bitch slap those that I had already posted about before I had the chance to move on to someone new. So I decided to fucking bite the bullet and just do a big ole fucking group hug or some such shit.

But then I found this on Rofl site Happy Surfin and in fact this post Hey Good Looking, Watcha Got Cookin. Obviously, the dude has a big cock fetish but is quite afraid to come out of the closet. In fact, he is so paranoid about this stuff that he fucking tried to deflect all this shit because I has fucking published my public service announcement for those who actually enjoy the taste of semen. By the way, my homophobic friend, women like the taste of cum too, not just you ghey boys.

I’m not alone here not only have I told you about Flip, who kindly provided this photo of Rofl in his Haloween costume last year but Bewinged, in her post "Lets Talk Fetish" had this to say about his gheyness

Last up for today is Rofl…. (yeah… his name IS Rofl…..).. I’m not sure what his fetishes are… but I am pretty sure gay, or at least bi can be one of them.. Just look at the ammount of space he uses for gay links.. If stalking Flip was a fetish, I’d know the answer however…..

I think

I can safely fucking rest my case.

It’s so fucking nice when women actually fucking get The Walrus. It’s tough for them since I use terms like fucking bitch, slut, whore, and very rarely, only when well fucking deserved, cunt. Granny panty Ana, discussed here, does and it appears Chimera does as well. Here is what she had to say in her post Sci Fi Porn? Oh No You Didn’t?. Here is her take on my post it’s a dogs life.

So, there I was reading his recent post It’s a Dogs World and totally unprepared, though the blog title, Drunken Ramblings from a Demented Walrus SHOULD have given me a clue eh?

I can’t and won’t try to describe the post but midway through the post he is calling the topic of this post a “fucking cunt” and I thought he was being kind!
Dude, you sure do find some crazy topics, keep it up!

To round out the Cabal, we have the big Bad Wolfe and if your an Asian babe covered with tats and piercings there is no fucking doubt he will blow your house down. Actually even if your a white bitch covered in tats and piercings he’ll be knocking on your door too. Only problem with the Wolfe is he is a bit fucking serious and intense but still I consider him one of the few porn slingers I would trust implicitly.

Funny fucking thing is that every fucking one of the calalers seems to have taken to talking about fetishes. Rev with Explicit Planet did with this post about Fetish About Fetish. It seems his fetish is BDSM and BBW. God I love those acronym fetishes. Ok, honestly, I just love when I get to fucking use the word acronym in a sentence. How many times does that actually fucking happen.

Last of the scary dozen -1 (I am fucking working on recruiting one additional member to make it an even Dirty Dozen) is Footman. His entry into this world of crazy shit is Footman Online. I saved him for last for a couple fucking reasons. Mostly because his logo on the site fucking freaks me out. Not sure why but it definately does. Anyway, here is this dude who is quite obviously into feet posting about Bondage, Barefeet, Discipline, Fucking Machines and honestly I don’t understand since the picture in the post does not even highlight the feet (guess that just shows the mind of a dude with a foot fetish, he’ll fucking find the feet even if others look right past them).

What makes that so strange? Well you go see the sadistic domme, one you would think you’d find talking about bondage and discipline and what the duck do you find? A recipe for yellow split pea soup. I’m not complaining I love split pea soup, green or yellow!

Today’s nude of the post comes from the only ghey dude I know who really fucking knows erotic chicks, Flip

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So I stopped in at my favorite fucking watering hole this evening just to get mentally fucking prepared to properly present all the fucking wierd ass shit I’ve been runnig across on the internet lately.

Ladies, fucking explain this to me, what the fuck is up with wanting / needing to stand up to take a fucking piss? You now have a product… well ok you now have a fucking redesigned funnel to allow you to actually stand up to fucking pee. You even have your own fucking acronym for it a FUD or female urination device. It’s neat, it’s discreet and it hygenic? That’s what the fucking website claims. It fits easily in your purse, pocket or glove compartment.

Now lets fucking think about this, you can’t fucking wear it all the time or else you’ll look like a fucking dyke with a hard on. So it’s not that fucking discreet. Hygenic, oh ya, exactly what I want to fucking do is take something I piss in and stick it anywhere, whether that be a purse, pocket or glove compartment.

I understand that public "facilities” can be pretty fucking disgusting. As a dude, I’d never fucking take a shit in a public toilet so I do feel for you chicks who have to piss while in public but… do you really want to take a fucking funell out of your fucking purse, piss through it, wash it off so that everyone and their fucking mother knows what you just did and then put it back into your fucking purse.

Do you really want to, while out fucking communing with nature, pull this out of the glove box so you don’t have to squat, piss and then put it right back into the fucking glove box.

It’s fucking stupid, piss in something and then fucking carry it around with you.

The second stupid thing I ran across on my travels through the great web is going to take a bit of fucking explaining.

Seems this inter-city chick, still a fucking teen got herself knocked up. That by itself is a fucking big problem but add inter city teen, pregnancy and the fact the she is mentally unstable and you’ve got a recipe for a disaster that did in fact happen.

This fucking true story was related to the internet by an actual OB doc who has her own little blog, Dr. Amy the skeptical OB. So lets set the scene, pregnant intercity teen with mental problems (no fucking stretch of the imagination here) is able to hide her pregnancy for no one who cares for a little over 7 months at which time she goes to the emergency room because she’s fucking having stomach cramps.

This fucking inter-city teen is so fucking adept at hiding the fact that she’s pregnant that the probably over-worked nurse in the emergency room doesn’t notice and tells her to take a seat. The stomach cramps get much worse and the teen goes to the bathroom.

Next thing anyone knows is that there is blood coming out from under the fucking door to the ladies room. The brilliant staff, sensing something must be amiss, I mean it is fucking blood and blood usually indicates serious shit, calls security who breaks down the door (Ok, they use the master lock key and just fucking open the door) to find said mentally unstable ex-pregnant teen wrapping a new born child in a wonder bread plastic bag and trying to flush the child down the toilet.

Pretty fucked huh! Personally, I can’t blame the mentally fucking unstable teen. Why the fuck would she really fucking want to bring a child into the world to live the life she fucking knows. But anyway, I digress. So the chick tries to flush the kid and probably gets treatment.

The fucking child lives. With the help of some fucking fantastic doctors and nurser, the child makes it.

Now it becomes discharge time for the baby and can you fucking believe there is a discussion to re-unite the child with the mentally ill mother who tried to flush the kid into the river. Seriously, hospital staff is actually debating this. Luckily, at least temporarily for the wonderbread kid, our heroin, Dr. Amy steps in and brings some much fucking needed sanity to the fucking situation

Now there are many things in this story that are fucked but the most fucked is that the hospital staff would actually have to discuss whether to return said wonderbread kid to his mother, the one who tried to flush his ass to the river. Makes your fucking wonder where the fucking world is going.

Finally, if you’ve killed some asshole and your lying on your death bed (or so you think) dont do the confession. It won’t set your soul free. Seems some loser thought he was dying and having committed a murder and wanting to clear his conscience before heading to see the big dude, confessed to a murder over 30 years earlier.

Seems the dude thought some other swinging dick was trying to fuck his wife, so he shot the mother fucker. Being on what he thought was his death bed, he had the fucking police called in so he could confess. Unfortunately for him, the marvels of modern medicing saves his fucking life and the fucking cops hauled his ass to jail, for the rest of his life. Dumb ass!

Moral of the fucking story, if you fucking kill someone and feel a bit guilty, write it down in a letter, or your will, only to be revealed upon your actual death.

I was going to fucking introduce ya’ll to a bunch of the other caballers but, unfortunately for you (or maybe me) the two or three or ten Jack Daniels are catching up with me so I’ll cut the planned massacre short and only discuss one, Mistress Talia, the sadistic domme. I kind of feel bad, as she seems way to nice to be either sadistic or dominating. Probably the fucking worst thing anyone could say and I probably shouldn’t but it’s the way I feel and whatever I fucking feel always comes out of my fucking mouth.

Anyway, her blog… shit I just figured it out and feel so fucking stupid. Her blog has a post called “another present for the giantess fans” and I had assumed it was posted by her. I was all fucking set to blast her as the post briefly talks about being a giant and playing barbie but doesn’t go into any of the sexy details. But in re-reading I see that post wasn’t actually Mistress Talia. So, my mistress, I challenge you, giving the above scenario, what would a working sadistic domme do with her little barbie doll.

Tonight’s babe of the post comes from Nudes, Artistically Done

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

Tags: Ramblings, Sex and The Walrus, Sports Commentary, Uncategorized by Walrus
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Displayed here is the back cover (it’s the only fucking picture I could get) of something I never in my life dreamed I would see. A simple cookbook with recipe’s, I fucking know thats not unusual all fucking cookbooks have recipe’s, but not where the main ingredient throughout the whole book is semen. Yes, that’s fucking correct, you read that right it’s book full of cum recipe’s. Below is the book’s description (taken right from the sales page)

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

I can hear the wife now: Honey could you have the boys over tonight for a circle jerk, I need enough cum to make some cream cheese cookies for the kids school tomorrow. If I have enough left, I’ll make the boys some almost white russians for their effort.

Or you go to a restaurant and the both of you order oysters on the half shell and the wife asks if she can have a doggie bag for the shells so she can make some man made oysters for the bridge club tomorrow.

I guess, as I guy, I wouldn’t mind too much as long as I knew which foods were cum filled and which weren’t. Seriously, would you mind if the wife / girlfriend was constantly trying to make you cum so she could get enough for the recipe she wanted to try.

So for those of you who want to run out and buy a copy, Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. Bona Petite or how ever those fancy fuckers spell that.

All this talk about cum makes me feel it must be time to introduce you to the "ghey" boys in our newly formed cabal, Flip and Rofl. Both are English gents which typically makes them a bit eccentric but that could also be the "ghey"ness about them.

You’ve seen posts about me boy Flip here a few times. For being one of the "ghey" boys the dude definately has an eye for the babes. His blog for the cabal is Flips Flop House. He’s also going to be hosting a joint blog where all of us in the cabal will be posting in one central place.

I suspect that what will happen is we will end up mostly taking pot shots at each other (and usually I’m the one in the middle cause I’m different as if being "ghey" isn’t different). Not posting the link to the new blog yet, it simply isn’t ready but keep checking back, it will be someday.

The second of the "ghey" boys is Rofl. Since he is easily upset over the fact that people sometimes misspell or mispronounce his name and I suspect he may be mentally unstable, that is probably the only time you actually see me use it. But his claim to fame in the porn industry is big tits. It’s been said he can identify any pornstar by her tits. I’m not sure about that but he did prove on his blog that he’s not easily tricked. In the post, The thought I wouldn’t notice he shows his keen eye as he quickly identifies the fake boobies. Take a peak, see if you would have gotten it right

But I can gaurantee, anywhere you go on the ole intraweb (a Flip term…ya ghey) if you find one of them, the other won’t be far behind.

Today’s babe of the post comes from my site, Walrus Babes and a post called Home Alone. Meet Jana Jordan and one of the sexiest pussies I’ve seen in a long time.

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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Perhaps I should have called this fucking post ex-girlfriend revenge backfires.
this stupid cunt, Michelle Owens, mug shot posted, was in the county jail in Indiana for public intoxication, a violation of her parole for DUI, when she stupidly asked the sherrifs office to "search her laptop" as she was afraid her ex-boyfriend had downloaded some child porn on it.

What a fucked up way to try to get some revenge on an ex-boyfriend get the cops looking at him like perverted child molestor. What kind of crazy ass bitch would fucking do that. It’s not something to fucking be playing around with. But I fucking digress, back to Michelles story.

The fucking cops were not able to locate any child porn. What they did find was two videos of Michelle fucking her beagle, Toby. According to this crazy slut, this was just something that she had done when she was fucking drunk and she tried to delete them in the morning when she was sober. Stupid cunt was sober enough to figure out how to record this shit on her laptop but so drunk she had to fuck her dog? But then she wasn’t smart enough to actually fucking delete the videos, she had just moved them into the recycle bin.

So her little attempt to fuck up her ex ended up getting her charged with two felony accounts of bestiality charges. But there are a couple things about this story that I think lack any fucking explaination. Who really took the videos? I mean really, so drunk she fucked the dog and yet sober enough to run the computer and record the act. Smart enough to record the video on her laptop, dumb enough to not know to empty the recycle bin to really delete the file. This shit just don’t add up.

And then she is pissed enough at her ex-boyfriend that she tries to set him up as a child molester. Maybe he dumped your ass because your such a drunken slut that you’d even fuck the dog. No telling who the else you’d fuck,

I’ve found that Toby, the dog, has been accepted into a canine care facility and is being monitored to determine if any psycological damage has occurred or if he now has an unsatiable urge to fuck human pussy. So far, Toby has shown no interest in fucking the female dogs in heat that have been put in his room to help to determine the damage although the therapist hasn’t concluded the exact cause. Rumor has it that they may invite Michelle for a conjugal visit to see if Toby perks up.

Self proclaimed alt porn geek girl, Miss Athena Hollow recently posted about some other unusual sexual, but highly entertaining, idiots who probably don’t deserve their genitalia either.

I’m sure you’ve seen those banging machine type of porn sites. You know where models will get fucked with normal household utensils, or even power tools, that have been modified into high powered dildo’s. Anyway, the alt porn geek girl (ya, I know it’s hard to read that as those words just really don’t seem to go together, I shake my fucking brain everytime I see them together) reported on her blog in this post titled Holy Power Saw Batman some couple in Maryland attempted to create their own. Unfortunately they weren’t smart enough to remove the blade from the saw. As saws are likely to do, well… I’ll let your imagination run wild on that one.

I introduced yall to Autumn, the nice lady who also does porn. Well it seems she took exception and fired back with a post of her own "and they think I’m nice" I think you totally misunderstood. Just cause I fucking say your nice, doesn’t mean I don’t think or realize or desire the fact that your naughty, nasty or what ever properly applies. The truth is I think of you as being grandmotherly but I do know that my grandfather did in deed fuck my grandmother and I hope she was a kinky freak bitch who took good care of him.

Some how she thought that posting a photo of her tit would prove that she’s not nice. But anyway, I’ll let you, my fucking faithful readers decide, naughty and nice or just plain naughty.

It’s been awhile but I do want to give a shout out to my favorite blonde babe. I haven’t forgotten that I owe you a hot steamy oral sex story that you can rock your boat with, or truthfully cause you to rock your boat multiple times while trying to read through it. It will happen but it’s good to see your still horny and talking about your masturbation tendancies. Love watching a woman get herself off and reading her talk about it is a definate turn on, temporarily satisfing my voyeuristic desire.

Speaking of hot babes, I missed posting one last post. Sorry, got so carried away with playing with friend old and new that I just plain forgot. To make up for it I ain’t going to do shit. But I will post a babe for the post today.

Monica Sweet | Some Like it Hot

When this 24-year-old stunner stepped off the plane down Mexico way, we knew things were going to get hotter — or as the locals say, mas caliente! Bearing the perfect last name, Monica Sweet came to us from her distant homeland for what proved to be a classic HUSTLER pictorial.

Statistics:
Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Hazel
Bust: 34
Waist: 24
Hips: 34
Height: 5′4
Weight: 103

Biography:

Birthplace: Hungary
Age: 24
Favorite Movie: I am really into foreign porn. A lot of things vary from continent to continent, but fucking is basically always a constant. It’s a real turn-on listening to the things that come out of the girls’ mouths in other languages when they take a huge schlong into their tight little assholes. Sometimes I like to rub my cooch and practice the words along with them.
Favorite Song: If you bang me good enough I won’t even notice the song you’re playing, so I don’t think it matters. Most music can be sexy if the situation is right.
Favorite Food: The more exotic, the better. I especially love trying new kinds of sushi. They always make jokes about sushi tasting like pussy. I love sushi, and I love pussy, but they do not even taste the same.
Likes: Traveling is the most exciting thing in the world next to sex. I can’t get enough of it, and I hope to see every country in the world, and to fuck in them too!
Dislikes: I do not like being told no, but luckily it almost never happens. Would you ever tell me no? I didn’t think so.
Ambitions: Someday I’d like to find an American sugar daddy to take care of me, but he’d have to be someone who didn’t mind if I brought my hot and beautiful European girlfriends home for group sex.
Best Place to Fuck: Wherever I happen to be at the moment I realize I need a hard veiner in any or all of my holes is the very best place for me to fuck.
Best Sex: It changes from week to week. I always think to myself that whatever sex I just had was the best I’ve ever had, and then someone comes along and makes it even better. This week, for instance. The rumor that cabana boys are gay was probably started by some bitter guy who could never fuck his woman like Ramon did. Ramon brought me way more than the three margaritas it took for me to get bold enough to flash him my shaved pussy. Before he went south of my border and dipped his tongue into my pink taco I didn’t even know how to roll my r’s, but I sure can now. Aiyiyi! I want to come back to Mexico soon, because I am far from finished cumming in Mexico. So this week, Ramon was the best, but next week who knows?
Favorite Position: Missionary is the best because you can kiss, and I am into long, lingering kisses.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: What did you think the first time you did anal with someone truly huge?

MONICA: I looked at it like a challenge, like I was going to climb Mt. Everest, only the mountain was attached to a large black guy. I took it a little at a time. I didn’t think I could do it, but I did, and am I ever glad. It turns out nothing makes me cum harder than having my tiny little asshole stretched to its limits.

HUSTLER: Is there anything sexual that you won’t do?

MONICA: Well, I won’t do a horse. But I will do a man who is hung like a horse.

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

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Porno dude Dirty D follows in the foot steps of the infamous Pee Wee Herman and gets caught pulling his fucking pud in an adult theater in Florida. This is the fucking dude who brought you such fucking pornographic super-sites as Crack Whore Confessions.

So is anyone really fucking surprised that he’d be caught in a circle jerk with two other dudes watching porno’s in a Florida porn theater. I mean the dude even has a porn site called Theater Sluts so maybe this was nothing more than a publicity stunt.. Although it’s not the fucking kind of thing that really fucking draws much fucking publicity. Just makes you wonder

Surprised a 43 year old, porn pusher or not, would be sitting around a fucking porn theater pulling his pud? I’m not. You do know where the term circle jerk came from, don’t you? A bunch of dudes all drop trough, sit in a semi circle around a TV playing a porn video, wager on who can pull their pud the fucking longest and commence, as the Brits would say, wanking.

They also make side bets like who is going to cum first, who can squirt the furthest and just about anything stupid you can think of.

Now I’m fucking ancient times here. Back when the days of porn video’s were not that easy to find and all of them recorded on VHS tape. But I’ve been to fucking parties where the fucking bitchs are all fucking drunk on their asses and wanting to do nothing more than spread their legs and get a cock stuck in-between their thighs.

But some dude would bring a porn and instead of grabbing a bunch of chicks and having a gang bang, guys would commandeer the master bedroom and have a fucking circle jerk.

I’ve been in the room next door, banging the fuck out of two hot drunk bitches and they are sitting there perfectly happy watching each other jacking off and listening to the porn slut moan.

I personally never participated in circle jerks. Call me homophobic or whatever you want to fucking say about it but when it comes to unwrapped sausages, if I unwrap mine you can bet there will not be any others in the fucking room. Just a credo I live my life by. No more than 1 unwrapped sausage in a room at a time. Guys are perverts, get them drunk or horny and their cock out and you never fucking know what they’re bound to do with it.

Update on the Cabal

The cabal has been growing by fucking leaps and fucking bounds. Seems every fucking one wants to jump on the bandwagon so keep fucking tuned in on many more fucking developments.

But I do got a little fucking unfinished business left from the post the other day.

Ana, I’ve only got a couple of things left I can say, Nice Granny Panites….
No I’m not sharing my erection, not even with you. I realize the hubby’s been away awhile and the old standby BoB just isn’t quite the same as feeling a nice thick living, breathing piece of man meat in your hand but when you get to be my age you save shit like this for special occassions or you fucking end up, out on the streets, looking for some dude to sell you some Viagra.

Second, I realize your a bit nerdy but come on, loose the star trek take off. Trekkies are washed up. The future is WoW, you know as in World of Warcraft and for those World of Warcrafters you’ve got
Now this is the porn for the next generation. Time to quit living in the past. Trekkies are boring and way out of style… much like your panties!

It also seems that Autumn, with the Porn Enchantress, has thrown her panties into the ring and wants to play. Only problem I have with that is that she seems like such a nice person it might be difficult to really get down and dirty in the verbal jousts. Na, I call bull shit, I’m sure I’ll be able to work up a good verbal lashing when the time comes. But until you get posting a little bit more, it’s not going to be easy to find food for thought and stupid shit I can beat you about the head with.

Oh, as far as my tidy whities…. I free ball don’t own any. I seriously doubt you want to see a pic of my hairy asshole, especially since I’ve never participated in anal bleaching.

The rest of those who have thrown your hats in the ring, never fear, we’ll be visiting you in the near future too!

Dude, you been reading my shit for awhile now. How about leaving a fucking comment and letting me fucking know how you feel about the shit I write or possibly Share Chasing The Walrus with Twitter

Tags: Ramblings, Uncategorized by Walrus
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