Chasing the Walrus

There’s been some really fucking wierd shit in the news lately. Big Foot has been located. Seems two good ole southern boys found the dead carcus of a big foot. Of course DNA testing results show that one sample is human and the other sample is "coon, So the Walrus will tell you what really fucking happened. Two good ole boys go out into the woods hunting "coon (raccoon to those of you not fucking hip to the southern lingo) and drinking shine. They get lost for two fucking days and on the way back know they’ve got to come up with a fucking story someone might believe. That means the coons keep getting bigger until it’s not coons anymore it’s a big foot. To actually try to convince someone whether it be a wife, a boss, whomever that they didn’t just get drunk and lost in the woods, they buy a gorilla costume or maybe even a big foot costume, stick it in a freezer, snap a couple of pics and story confirmed. But now the big coon hunting tale starts spreading like wild fire. What the fuck they gonna do? Admit that they made this whole fucking thing up of find the one man in the whole country who loves putting on Big Foot hoax. Yep, once you got a whooper like that going best to stick with the story.

Italy is in the news, seems they are cracking the fuck down on crime and have allowed the mayors a little additional latitude when it comes to passing laws. Here just a taste of what now maybe illegal in Italy:

• It could be illegal for you to be in a bikini and not at the beach, especially if your in Capri
• Building sandcastles is forbidden
• No mowing of the lawn on weekends
• No public displays of affection while in a car (I wonder is public displays of affection allowed if your on the sidewalk?)
• No groups larger than two allowed to be relaxing in the park at night (are public displays of affection allowed if the group is less than or equal to two?)
• and definately no reading of books in the park

Reminds me of home here in California where in some area’s they want to outlaw the building of any additional fast food restaurants. It seems McDonalds is the blame for the country getting fatter. Me, its not Mickey D’s fault but I’m sure I can find someone to blame. Or the fact that people have told so many lies about the dangers of second hand smoke it’s now illegal in some area’s to smoke in the apartment your rent. You know someone might walk by the room, catch just a sniff of the odor and drop dead on the spot with cancer. I will save my rant on how the anti-smoking movement has told more fucking lies than the tabacco companies ever have for another day.

In Colorado a cow and a bear were getting a little frisky with each other. Thank god public displays of affection are allowed in Colorado but then again, I wouldn’t try to arrest a horny bear.

A couple teens in Germany developed a motorized office chair. German police confiscated the chair and are now contemplating possible charges including defying insurance regulations, driving without a license and violating registration requirements

But my pick hit for the dumbest fucking cop in America goes to the Kentucky sheriff who drove 4100 miles to California to pick up a fugative and then drove all the fucking way back to Ky. before he realized he had the wrong guy. All this over a fleeing and evading police and drunken driving warrant. At least when they figured out that they had nabbed the wrong dude, they did buy him a airplane ticket home. Lets just forget the 3-5 days spent in jail waiting for the sheriff to come pick him up and the other three days riding in the back of a police car, in hand cuffs. Sounds like an unlawful imprisonment lawsuit just waiting to happen to me. Of course, the cops blame it on identity theft.

Shyla Stylez | Making Beautiful Music

How did a small-town girl from Canada get into the skin biz? “Well, men have always liked looking at my body,” Shyla remarks, “and I love showing it off. I thought, Why not let everyone see what I have? People have always told me I have a lot of sex appeal. So I flew to Los Angeles and did my first HUSTLER spread. Do you think the readers will like it?” Let’s ask them. Whaddaya think, guys? Shyla is also not shy about discussing her no-holes-barred porn career, which got off to a thunderous start in 2001 with Gangbang Auditions #8. “I took a little break,” the knockout reveals, “but now I’m back shooting films as we speak. I just did a great D.P. scene.” When not seductively stripping down for the camera, Shyla hunkers down on the farm in scenic British Columbia. “I love to read and watch movies at home,” she says. “That doesn’t mean I’m boring. I also love to go bungee-jumping. I’ve done it two times now. All that bouncing up and down gets me wet through my Wranglers. I also like to cook. I’m a master at baking a turkey, and my cheesecakes are to die for.” Before we can ask what fruity toppings adorn her cheesecakes, Shyla exclaims, “Plus, I love to fuck! I’m a very open and dirty girl. I love anything that is erotic and going to take it to the next level. I dig oral, and I love to get banged by a guy in the missionary position while a woman has her pussy in my face.” What does this sweet little missy want to do down the line? “I wouldn’t mind making a living as a musician and a nude model,” Shyla hints. “Maybe I could combine both and be the first naked country star. Like Johnny Cash—only blond and with nice DD boobies!”

Statistics:

Hair: Blonde, Eyes: Green, Bust: 32D, Waist:22, Hips: 32, Height: 5′3”, Weight: 108
Biography:

Birthplace: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 24
Favorite Movie: Fast Times At Ridgemont High. I think it was when Phoebe Cates took off her bikini top I realized I was into chicks.
Favorite Song: "Dear God" by XTC. I get chills everytime I hear the lyrics "I don’t believe in you…"
Favorite Food: There’s nothing I like more than a smoothie from Jamba Juice. And I always get an energy boost with it!
Likes: I love sitting at home and watching television. I’m such a "Lost" fanatic that my friends are a little frightened. And don’t get me started on "Deal or No Deal". I love that show!
Dislikes: While I love Cananda, I really can’t stand the cold weather anymore. I try to visit as infrequently as possible these days because I’ve gotten use to the California sun.
Ambitions: The same answer everyone gives: become a director and start a production company. I know, so clich?.
Best Place to Fuck: Anywhere! If I’m horny enough I’d fuck someone on a pile of trash. I think I just made a few garbagemen really happy.
Best Sex: I shouldn’t encourage this, but I’m a huge fan of drunken, sloppy sex. The booze lets me lose all my inhibitions and go crazy.
Favorite Position: I can only pick one? I’d have to say doggie. I just love getting slammed from behind while getting my ass smacked.
Questions & Answers:

HUSTLER: The bigger the better?

SHYLA: Ha ha ha…I’m no size queen. It all depends on how it’s used. But there IS such a thing as too big.

HUSTLER: What your New Year’s resolution?

SHYLA: Eat less, work out more and have as much sex as possible!

Tags: Ramblings //